In laws won't help with DD, am I wrong to be mad at her?

[Anonymous]

Your child’s reaction to daycare is perfectly normal. Give it time and she will settle in.

[Anonymous]

Are you the whack job that almost sent baby to live with your mom for like a year?

[Anonymous]

I feel like there's a cultural issue or expectation at play here.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are wrong.

She owes you exactly zero child care.

Don't have kids if you can't handle having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL changed her mind ONE DAY LATER and now you are scrambling to find daycare? You should have started the scramble 7 months ago.

This is what I was thinking too. How is your MIL responsible for you scrambling to find care? Makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

What are the ages of your mom and MIL? Caring for a toddler can be exhausting.

[Anonymous]

This cannot be real. No, OP. You do not have the right to be mad at your MIL. I have grandkids. I adore them! Truly, they are just the best things in my world. But no way short of a true and unpredictable emergency am I interested in being their day care provider. Your kids are YOUR responsibility. Your MIL raised her kids. She doesn’t want to start over again with yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your child, no one else is responsible for providing care for her. Your MIL is working four days a week and you expect her to use the other three days each week providing child care for a toddler? She may well be too old to be effectively workng 7 days a week. Sounds like you took advantage of your Mom and now are moving in on MIL. You sound very immature, still expecting your parents to take care of your problems and your child. You need to find a nanny or daycare you are comfortable with, or stop working yourself. This isn’t your MILs responsibility.

+1
Op, are you young? You sound very young. If not, you come across as extremely entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So since my 15 month DD was born, my mom paused her life and moved in with us to help us watch DD. She is retired and lives about 7 hours away. She has been such a tremendous help. My MIL however, even though she is local probably sees the baby once or twice a month. My DD takes a very long time to warm up to people and still hasn't warm up to my MIL due to not seeing her very often.

Anyways, my mom now has to return home and we need to look for another childcare option. Since my MIL's work has been very slow, she's getting 3 days off a week. We asked if she'll be willing to watch DD for those three days for about 3 to 4 months until her work is busy again. At first, she agreed and we were so happy to find a temporary solution. However the very next day she changed her mind and told us she cannot watch her anymore because she wants to rest the 3 days and watching our toddler will be too tiring for her. I am very upset that we are now scrambling to find another option.

We tried daycare before but DD did not do well at all. She has really bad separation anxiety and just cried the whole time there. We had to pull her out and asked my mom to stay a little longer. We also cannot afford a nanny. Knowing this and my MIL refusal to help is really upsetting me. I feel like she must not care about or love my DD enough. I know she doesnt owe me anything. But seeing how much my mom has helped us vs. Mil's unwillingness to help really make me see her in a different light and this will forever change my relationship with her. Do I have the right to be upset or should I just let it go? Thanks for listening to my rant.

You are SO wrong. I’m mainly here to see you get your a$$ handed to you

[Anonymous]

Grow up
You are a user
You use your mom and are mad that your MIL refuses to be used .

[Anonymous]

OP. Do you work? Who will be taking care of your child the other 4 days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So let me get this straight - MIL agreed and then changed her mind the very next day and now you’re ‘scrambling for child care??’
You sure are a piece of work!!

Since your mother came here to be your live-in help here for months I’d say that your parents must have raised you wrong.
You are an entitled, pushy nit wit!

Get off your rear and either hire a nanny or find a day care center for your child.

And then invite your MIL and FIL for Sunday supper - every week. And yes - you make it!

PS I love how your title says that you are mad at your in-laws and then you light into your MIL only..

OK, that part is ridiculous. OP should do that if MIL was watching DD. But here? Nope.

[Anonymous]

Maybe OP's experience is more typical where your own mother helps more than the MIL. Also people are different. MIL did not help us when DC was a baby. She said that she is not into babies. Once when she came into town to visit us, she would leave me at home with the baby while she asked my DH to take her to museums and other excursions. DC was a few weeks old and not yet sleeping through the night and I desperately could have used some help. My mom was going through some health issues but still helped out when she could. I am grateful to my mom. I know that I will take care of mom when she is no longer able to care for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are wrong.

She owes you exactly zero child care.

Don't have kids if you can't handle having kids.

This is unnecessarily harsh. Daycare is $22K a year and often has a huge waiting list; nanny is $50K+. It’s normal for
OP to be panicking about childcare. It’s easy to look at a family member with “time” and think that’s a solution. Yes, MIL raised her kids, but what’s her plan for assisted living, car trips to appointments when she can’t drive, financial management when her mind is gone? Families help families. Now, it’s OK to put limits on this - I’ll do this for six months until you can get a daycare spot, and then stick firm to those limits. But a nope, don’t feel like it!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe OP's experience is more typical where your own mother helps more than the MIL. Also people are different. MIL did not help us when DC was a baby. She said that she is not into babies. Once when she came into town to visit us, she would leave me at home with the baby while she asked my DH to take her to museums and other excursions. DC was a few weeks old and not yet sleeping through the night and I desperately could have used some help. My mom was going through some health issues but still helped out when she could. I am grateful to my mom. I know that I will take care of mom when she is no longer able to care for herself.

That’s BS. No way DH should have agreed to that.