Is my partner still in love with me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a woman, right? So why go to married men website?

OP is a man... who sounds like a woman...

Men are incredibly needy. He might sound like a woman because women yell louder about everything but if you scratch the surface and listen to the man in your life, this is what you’d get.

I am PP. And I get that, as my husband is also needy at times, but I think it is cute (and we have regular sex) because he balances the neediness with being busy with his own things and interests. He also is an assertive person who doesn't have the passive nice guy mentality that I am picking up from OP.

He's sad. He's in the process of realizing that his wife isn't in love with him anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a woman, right? So why go to married men website?

OP is a man... who sounds like a woman...

Men are incredibly needy. He might sound like a woman because women yell louder about everything but if you scratch the surface and listen to the man in your life, this is what you’d get.

I am PP. And I get that, as my husband is also needy at times, but I think it is cute (and we have regular sex) because he balances the neediness with being busy with his own things and interests. He also is an assertive person who doesn't have the passive nice guy mentality that I am picking up from OP.

He's sad. He's in the process of realizing that his wife isn't in love with him anymore.

Oh PUKE! Get over it! Life is not a fairytale. We don't have magical, ever sustaining, unconditional romantic butterfly feelings for our partners. Our feelings eb and flow, and OP should learn to understand those dynamics instead of pouting about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you say that you want more from her. More of everything. You have a toddler who also wants more of her. Give it a rest for awhile. Nobody wants to feel like a parent to a needy adult.

The best thing you can do for your child is nurture your marriage. You are being very dumb here, PP.

Nurturing the marriage in this case means making himself actually interesting and attractive to his wife. He has to be his own person and back off for a bit to do that.

That’s ridiculous!!
OP if wife is as dense as this woman, is make myself ‘interesting’ via a trial separation. Either she misses what she had or she doesn’t. Let her see what it’s like to do everything herself and be by herself, see if that’s what she wants. Frankly this sounds excruciating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here.

I don't understand wives like this. It's common knowledge that men need sex more than women and that 9 times out of 10 their top love language is "physical touch." You need to put out at least once a week, no excuses, if you want to keep your marriage strong.

We're all tired. But you fake it till you make it. You need to put the effort in to make your partner feel loved. Try to imagine what it's like going around feeling like you're not loved. That's so sad!

Well, I think we need to ask OP if he is even initiating??? And if he is initiating, is it a firm initiation or is it a meek, timid one? If he tried some solid "I really want you right now and I'm coming to take your clothes off" approaches, he might get somewhere. He'd have to have the confidence to just brush it off if she rejected the advances, though, as pouting would only make things worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with her because she is spent with work and motherhood, and you just want more from her. Give her some space for a while, especially as she is trying to unwind for bed and steal a few minutes for herself.

I would insist on sex, though. But don't make that a chore for her on top of everything else. Let her feel that her agreement is more than enough (at least for now given the state of things for you two) and don't put pressure her to give you certain kinds of responses. And for gods sake don't be a pouty baby because you don't think she is into it enough.

He’s also working and parenting and has time for his spouse. She sounds like an entitled , short sighted brat.
No matter how ‘ nice guy’ this man seems, he’s still likely to leave her and she’ll still be totally shocked - which is dumb, but she’s entitled- someone told her that marriage is ‘forever no matter what you do’, but nope!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here.

I don't understand wives like this. It's common knowledge that men need sex more than women and that 9 times out of 10 their top love language is "physical touch." You need to put out at least once a week, no excuses, if you want to keep your marriage strong.

We're all tired. But you fake it till you make it. You need to put the effort in to make your partner feel loved. Try to imagine what it's like going around feeling like you're not loved. That's so sad!

Well, I think we need to ask OP if he is even initiating??? And if he is initiating, is it a firm initiation or is it a meek, timid one? If he tried some solid "I really want you right now and I'm coming to take your clothes off" approaches, he might get somewhere. He'd have to have the confidence to just brush it off if she rejected the advances, though, as pouting would only make things worse.

He said in a follow up post that he has stopped initiating because he feels totally rejected. They only have sex twice or three times A YEAR. Their toddler sleeps through the night and is not fussy.

What is this woman thinking?! This is when husbands start to look around at other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a woman, right? So why go to married men website?

OP is a man... who sounds like a woman...

Men are incredibly needy. He might sound like a woman because women yell louder about everything but if you scratch the surface and listen to the man in your life, this is what you’d get.

I am PP. And I get that, as my husband is also needy at times, but I think it is cute (and we have regular sex) because he balances the neediness with being busy with his own things and interests. He also is an assertive person who doesn't have the passive nice guy mentality that I am picking up from OP.

He's sad. He's in the process of realizing that his wife isn't in love with him anymore.

Oh PUKE! Get over it! Life is not a fairytale. We don't have magical, ever sustaining, unconditional romantic butterfly feelings for our partners. Our feelings eb and flow, and OP should learn to understand those dynamics instead of pouting about it.

I feel bad for this guy. He's such a sad sack. Imagine finding out that your husband wrote this long OP because he feels unloved! That's so sad and mortifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here.

I don't understand wives like this. It's common knowledge that men need sex more than women and that 9 times out of 10 their top love language is "physical touch." You need to put out at least once a week, no excuses, if you want to keep your marriage strong.

We're all tired. But you fake it till you make it. You need to put the effort in to make your partner feel loved. Try to imagine what it's like going around feeling like you're not loved. That's so sad!

Well, I think we need to ask OP if he is even initiating??? And if he is initiating, is it a firm initiation or is it a meek, timid one? If he tried some solid "I really want you right now and I'm coming to take your clothes off" approaches, he might get somewhere. He'd have to have the confidence to just brush it off if she rejected the advances, though, as pouting would only make things worse.

He said in a follow up post that he has stopped initiating because he feels totally rejected. They only have sex twice or three times A YEAR. Their toddler sleeps through the night and is not fussy.

What is this woman thinking?! This is when husbands start to look around at other women.

You may think the woman is responsible here, and she of course has a part, but she is not on his board asking for advice, he is.

OP - please go to the married man sex life website or get the book. It's one example of many resources available to get men to shift the dynamics in their marriage to successfully inspire genuine affection from their wives. Just asking her for affection she doesn't feel hasn't been working, has it? So try something else and see where that gets you.

[Anonymous]

My wife also isn't as affectionate as I would like

It's her main flaw as a partner

[Anonymous]

I assume Op that you have read these boards enough to know that you would get a beating for being a male with needs.

Trust me, there are women and people who do see men as humans with emotions and needs and that doesn't make them bad people. There are many wives who love their husbands and who show them affection, support, appreciation, and who take an interest in their lives.

Women and men are not that different - some are caring people, some aren't. Some give in a marriage, some only take. Some treat people well, some don't. A loveless, sexless marriage where one person doesn't care about the other person's life or needs is not healthy.

You need to address this with your wife. If not, it will eat at your soul and spirit and harm you. You may need to try marital counseling, you may end up divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume Op that you have read these boards enough to know that you would get a beating for being a male with needs.

Trust me, there are women and people who do see men as humans with emotions and needs and that doesn't make them bad people. There are many wives who love their husbands and who show them affection, support, appreciation, and who take an interest in their lives.

Women and men are not that different - some are caring people, some aren't. Some give in a marriage, some only take. Some treat people well, some don't. A loveless, sexless marriage where one person doesn't care about the other person's life or needs is not healthy.

You need to address this with your wife. If not, it will eat at your soul and spirit and harm you. You may need to try marital counseling, you may end up divorced.

Ok but this is not advice. When people come here with an issue, so often the "advice" is just outrage that their partner needs to change. Like when women come and complain about lazy partners. "He needs to pull his weight!" How is that helpful? When a woman comes here and says that her husband isn't helping I tell her to stop doing anything for him and let the things he is responsible for fall apart (natural consequences), although only the smart ones ever take this advice. (It worked for me in my marriage).

And when a man comes and complains about his wife not being particularly into him, I tell him to stop looking like a wet dog around her and go get a life. Let her wonder why you're not as attentive to her than you were in the past.

Being in denial about human nature doesn't work. You have to play the game. C'est la vie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume Op that you have read these boards enough to know that you would get a beating for being a male with needs.

Trust me, there are women and people who do see men as humans with emotions and needs and that doesn't make them bad people. There are many wives who love their husbands and who show them affection, support, appreciation, and who take an interest in their lives.

Women and men are not that different - some are caring people, some aren't. Some give in a marriage, some only take. Some treat people well, some don't. A loveless, sexless marriage where one person doesn't care about the other person's life or needs is not healthy.

You need to address this with your wife. If not, it will eat at your soul and spirit and harm you. You may need to try marital counseling, you may end up divorced.

Ok but this is not advice. When people come here with an issue, so often the "advice" is just outrage that their partner needs to change. Like when women come and complain about lazy partners. "He needs to pull his weight!" How is that helpful? When a woman comes here and says that her husband isn't helping I tell her to stop doing anything for him and let the things he is responsible for fall apart (natural consequences), although only the smart ones ever take this advice. (It worked for me in my marriage).

And when a man comes and complains about his wife not being particularly into him, I tell him to stop looking like a wet dog around her and go get a life. Let her wonder why you're not as attentive to her than you were in the past.

Being in denial about human nature doesn't work. You have to play the game. C'est la vie.

This is bad advice though. If he "gets a life," as you call it, he's inevitably going to find another woman to be interested in. Then he'll cheat and the wife will rightly feel betrayed and abandoned and they'll get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

^ what they need is therapy.

They need a trained 3rd party to tell the wife straight up that her husband needs sex more than 2x a year or they're going to get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

DH here: I am going to be real with you. While I am sure there are some exceptions, my sense is that almost all marriages are like this, with the only real difference being how conscientious the woman is at taking care of her partner and how good she is at pretending. You need to get your mind right, don’t invest your self-esteem in being “loved,” and be very solid about what you need to be happy and how to communicate that to your DW. The salutary truth, though, is that if you are strong but fair about what you ask for, here feelings may well bounce back to some extent. But she will never really be what you want; it’s not realistic. You have to make do with what is possible, which is a lot more than it sounds like you are getting. You will feel better when things improves; it’s not hopeless. Also, lift.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a caring person, OP. Your wife loves you. But she's definitely not in love with you.

Period.