Is my partner still in love with me?

[Anonymous]

Every you write about is normal, apart from sex. That is a huge red flag. Did you say how long is has been since sex?

[Anonymous]

I sympathize with her because she is spent with work and motherhood, and you just want more from her. Give her some space for a while, especially as she is trying to unwind for bed and steal a few minutes for herself.

I would insist on sex, though. But don't make that a chore for her on top of everything else. Let her feel that her agreement is more than enough (at least for now given the state of things for you two) and don't put pressure her to give you certain kinds of responses. And for gods sake don't be a pouty baby because you don't think she is into it enough.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

She is not the default parent so this isn’t about being exhausted by our kid. Honestly, we both admit that we are lucky because our kid isn’t that exhausting. Neither of us have hugely stressful jobs. We have both commented many times that we feel lucky for the rhythm of our life.

Sorry for the length of my original post. I don’t really talk about this, so writing it all out was useful.

Sex = 2 or 3 times/year. Used to be much more frequently. Every day for a while and then once or twice a week and the. Slowly tapered.

I agree that I seem needy. But when I express no needs and withdraw, then our marriage begins to feel like a sham. I don’t want to be roommates who share a kid and a bank account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

She is not the default parent so this isn’t about being exhausted by our kid. Honestly, we both admit that we are lucky because our kid isn’t that exhausting. Neither of us have hugely stressful jobs. We have both commented many times that we feel lucky for the rhythm of our life.

Sorry for the length of my original post. I don’t really talk about this, so writing it all out was useful.

Sex = 2 or 3 times/year. Used to be much more frequently. Every day for a while and then once or twice a week and the. Slowly tapered.

I agree that I seem needy. But when I express no needs and withdraw, then our marriage begins to feel like a sham. I don’t want to be roommates who share a kid and a bank account.

Go to the website married man sex life. You can likely turn this around, you just have to shift the dynamic. Neediness and insecurity is repellent to women. You're ultimately going to have to fight through that feeling that your marriage is a sham as you pull back into your own life more, because she will likely initiate her own interest if you can sustain that for a bit. You're going to have to get back into some of your own hobbies and engage your own individuality a bit more and worry less about the state of your relationship. You're also going to have to throw out part of your overly "nice guy" mentality that you clearly have .

[Anonymous]

ugh dude.

tl;dr

[Anonymous]

OP is a woman, right? So why go to married men website?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

She is not the default parent so this isn’t about being exhausted by our kid. Honestly, we both admit that we are lucky because our kid isn’t that exhausting. Neither of us have hugely stressful jobs. We have both commented many times that we feel lucky for the rhythm of our life.

Sorry for the length of my original post. I don’t really talk about this, so writing it all out was useful.

Sex = 2 or 3 times/year. Used to be much more frequently. Every day for a while and then once or twice a week and the. Slowly tapered.

I agree that I seem needy. But when I express no needs and withdraw, then our marriage begins to feel like a sham. I don’t want to be roommates who share a kid and a bank account.

This is a huge problem. Why didn't you highlight this in your massively long OP?

No she is not "in love" with you anymore but that is not so unusual for a 10+ year relationship. What is, is that you don't have any kind of sex life at all. Two or three times a year is BLEAK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is a woman, right? So why go to married men website?

OP is a man... who sounds like a woman...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you say that you want more from her. More of everything. You have a toddler who also wants more of her. Give it a rest for awhile. Nobody wants to feel like a parent to a needy adult.

The best thing you can do for your child is nurture your marriage. You are being very dumb here, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a woman, right? So why go to married men website?

OP is a man... who sounds like a woman...

Men are incredibly needy. He might sound like a woman because women yell louder about everything but if you scratch the surface and listen to the man in your life, this is what you’d get.

[Anonymous]

I have been with my Dh since we were teenagers, we met 22 years ago. There have been times over the years when work, raising kids (even easy ones) and managing life is tiring. I completely get being tired at 10 and just want to read and not have to talk to anyone. Not having sex is the concerning point. Don’t seem needy, that is a complete turn off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you say that you want more from her. More of everything. You have a toddler who also wants more of her. Give it a rest for awhile. Nobody wants to feel like a parent to a needy adult.

The best thing you can do for your child is nurture your marriage. You are being very dumb here, PP.

Nurturing the marriage in this case means making himself actually interesting and attractive to his wife. He has to be his own person and back off for a bit to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

She is not the default parent so this isn’t about being exhausted by our kid. Honestly, we both admit that we are lucky because our kid isn’t that exhausting. Neither of us have hugely stressful jobs. We have both commented many times that we feel lucky for the rhythm of our life.

Sorry for the length of my original post. I don’t really talk about this, so writing it all out was useful.

Sex = 2 or 3 times/year. Used to be much more frequently. Every day for a while and then once or twice a week and the. Slowly tapered.

I agree that I seem needy. But when I express no needs and withdraw, then our marriage begins to feel like a sham. I don’t want to be roommates who share a kid and a bank account.

This is a huge problem. Why didn't you highlight this in your massively long OP?

No she is not "in love" with you anymore but that is not so unusual for a 10+ year relationship. What is, is that you don't have any kind of sex life at all. Two or three times a year is BLEAK.

+ 1

You need to tell her explicitly that for you, love = sex and physical touch. If you're not getting sex, you're not feeling loved. Best to be explicit even though you might be embarrassed saying this because then she will understand and only then will things have a chance of improving. Don't beat around the bush. If you wait for her to want sex again, you'll never have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a woman, right? So why go to married men website?

OP is a man... who sounds like a woman...

Men are incredibly needy. He might sound like a woman because women yell louder about everything but if you scratch the surface and listen to the man in your life, this is what you’d get.

I am PP. And I get that, as my husband is also needy at times, but I think it is cute (and we have regular sex) because he balances the neediness with being busy with his own things and interests. He also is an assertive person who doesn't have the passive nice guy mentality that I am picking up from OP.

[Anonymous]

Woman here.

I don't understand wives like this. It's common knowledge that men need sex more than women and that 9 times out of 10 their top love language is "physical touch." You need to put out at least once a week, no excuses, if you want to keep your marriage strong.

We're all tired. But you fake it till you make it. You need to put the effort in to make your partner feel loved. Try to imagine what it's like going around feeling like you're not loved. That's so sad!