Do parents of popular kids ever have to suffer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dc is quirky and a little dorky and never gets invited or included by kids at school despite hosting endless playdates and parties. I’ve always wondered though, do the parents of the popular kids ever have to suffer? They seem to reap benefit after benefit. Endless invitations, sycophants kissing up to get in their inner circles, preferential treatment at the school and sports, the list goes on. Honest question- what are their grievances?

How old is your DC? This too shall pass and yes, parents of popular kids have plenty to go through too. Everyone does.

Thanks. My son is 24

Oh sorry. That should say 14.

The general parenting thread is for preschool parents

M
Then why is it called general parenting and not preschool parenting?
Maybe report your original post and ask the moderator to move it to tweens and teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My popular, funny, athletic middle schooler has dyslexia, discalculia, and disgraphia. Every class is a struggle for him. Every single one, every single day, since kindergarten. Not that you’d know it from the outside, though. You don’t know what other people go through, OP. There are other ways to suffer other than social exclusion (though I know personally how horrible it is, and I send good thoughts to you all).

+1
I have a child with special needs and a number of parents of kids with LDs, anxiety and other challenges have shared their struggles. You wouldn't know it from the outside because their children are very popular, athletic, good looking and "cool" but some of them are really struggling.

And keep in mind, there are also kids like mine who have a host of LDs, struggle every day at school, and also don’t have strong social skills. My DD has dysgraphia, dyscalculia and dyspraxia. School is hard, sports are hard, social interactions are hard. She also spends most of her free time on her computer. I want to push her to do more but then I also think, my god, what a relief it must be for her to have all the pressure off for a while.

This is just like my daughter. What do you plan to do? I worry constantly about her. Do you think your daughter will go to college? Do you think she'll go to a good college? I'm asking because these are my worries and I feel so alone.

I honestly don’t know if she will go to college. Academically, it seems unlikely. I do hope she might find a trade school she could attend. Believe me, I worry Day and night. I’m so sorry you’re in this same boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of 2 kids here-
my DS(college freshman) is has a ton of friends, always is invited places, has kids to our house, etc. when he's home. We don't worry about him

my DD (senior in h.s.) has become very introverted, stays home on weekends, doesn't go to hoco, prom, etc. She is very sweet, bright and good looking, but she doesn't seem to make friends. She has been in sports and clubs and has made friends but the friendships fizzle for some reason. I do worry about her much more than I do my DS. It pains me to see all the hoco pics out (I don't look at FB often) because I don't understand why she isn't participating. I could care less about her being popular, I just wish she'd have a group of friends.

I was your DD. Turned out just fine. HS is a cesspool of a-holes. In my experience, people who were super popular in HS and had extremely busy social lives have a hard time moving on from HS, with varying degrees of career success (see Kavanaugh and our class alpha bitch who barely has a career, became very unattractive once the veil of youth disappeared, and from what I understand has quite a boring life, never having grown at all as a person).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of 2 kids here-
my DS(college freshman) is has a ton of friends, always is invited places, has kids to our house, etc. when he's home. We don't worry about him

my DD (senior in h.s.) has become very introverted, stays home on weekends, doesn't go to hoco, prom, etc. She is very sweet, bright and good looking, but she doesn't seem to make friends. She has been in sports and clubs and has made friends but the friendships fizzle for some reason. I do worry about her much more than I do my DS. It pains me to see all the hoco pics out (I don't look at FB often) because I don't understand why she isn't participating. I could care less about her being popular, I just wish she'd have a group of friends.

I was your DD. Turned out just fine. HS is a cesspool of a-holes. In my experience, people who were super popular in HS and had extremely busy social lives have a hard time moving on from HS, with varying degrees of career success (see Kavanaugh and our class alpha bitch who barely has a career, became very unattractive once the veil of youth disappeared, and from what I understand has quite a boring life, never having grown at all as a person).

Also, I might add that my parents had very few friendships. And all of them were from their college, early 20s days. They never made friends during my lifetime. I dont' know if that was why I never quite learned how to pursue friendships, but it might be worth modeling some of this or talking about it if you are the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of 2 kids here-
my DS(college freshman) is has a ton of friends, always is invited places, has kids to our house, etc. when he's home. We don't worry about him

my DD (senior in h.s.) has become very introverted, stays home on weekends, doesn't go to hoco, prom, etc. She is very sweet, bright and good looking, but she doesn't seem to make friends. She has been in sports and clubs and has made friends but the friendships fizzle for some reason. I do worry about her much more than I do my DS. It pains me to see all the hoco pics out (I don't look at FB often) because I don't understand why she isn't participating. I could care less about her being popular, I just wish she'd have a group of friends.

I’m sorry about your daughter. You should not just let it go and should try to figure out a way to help her. She may be depressed. Maybe you could talk to her school counselor or try to very carefully talk to her about it but I wouldn’t allow her to go all year sitting home not having any friends. Sometimes parents have to help their kids through tough patches especially if their kid doesn’t know how to navigate them.

[Anonymous]

No. Neither the truly popular kids nor their parents suffer while in high school. That is the truth. It is just easier for some kids and some kids live high school.

The happy kids aren’t all mean girls and bullies, either.


Lots of kids however aren’t happy until college when they find their people! That was me. But my two kids are both athletic, attractive and popular and life is easier for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Neither the truly popular kids nor their parents suffer while in high school. That is the truth. It is just easier for some kids and some kids live high school.

The happy kids aren’t all mean girls and bullies, either.


Lots of kids however aren’t happy until college when they find their people! That was me. But my two kids are both athletic, attractive and popular and life is easier for them.

You don't really know what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Neither the truly popular kids nor their parents suffer while in high school. That is the truth. It is just easier for some kids and some kids live high school.

The happy kids aren’t all mean girls and bullies, either.


Lots of kids however aren’t happy until college when they find their people! That was me. But my two kids are both athletic, attractive and popular and life is easier for them.

I was very very popular but that didn’t mean I didn’t have heart break from boyfriends or that I didnt get my feelings hurt Or more importantly make very bad choices.Please don’t set your kids up to think that they can’t confide in you and that their lives are perfect Because they are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, your perceptions are weird. “Inner circle”? Sycophants? I’m sure there are popular kids in my kid’s class, but I would never notice that level of dynamics, or think to describe it that way.

You seem unnaturally triggered.

"unnaturally triggered"?what the hell language is that anyway? what are you talking about?

op, I have a kid who was pretty much on the a list through school. natural extrovert, magnetic personality. her life was busy, fun, very out there. I was involved and made some good friends in those days. we were busy but we still were normal. her out there big life continues in college.
my next kid is a quiet introvert with just a few close friends but a much calmer life. we are still busy but definitely less socializing in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of 2 kids here-
my DS(college freshman) is has a ton of friends, always is invited places, has kids to our house, etc. when he's home. We don't worry about him

my DD (senior in h.s.) has become very introverted, stays home on weekends, doesn't go to hoco, prom, etc. She is very sweet, bright and good looking, but she doesn't seem to make friends. She has been in sports and clubs and has made friends but the friendships fizzle for some reason. I do worry about her much more than I do my DS. It pains me to see all the hoco pics out (I don't look at FB often) because I don't understand why she isn't participating. I could care less about her being popular, I just wish she'd have a group of friends.

I was like your DD in high school and ended up being fine. Had a great college experience, fun single life afterward, happy family and marriage now. Lots of adult friends. I think high school is just hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Neither the truly popular kids nor their parents suffer while in high school. That is the truth. It is just easier for some kids and some kids live high school.

The happy kids aren’t all mean girls and bullies, either.


Lots of kids however aren’t happy until college when they find their people! That was me. But my two kids are both athletic, attractive and popular and life is easier for them.

You don't really know what you are talking about.

+1 The bolded is idiocy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dc is quirky and a little dorky and never gets invited or included by kids at school despite hosting endless playdates and parties. I’ve always wondered though, do the parents of the popular kids ever have to suffer? They seem to reap benefit after benefit. Endless invitations, sycophants kissing up to get in their inner circles, preferential treatment at the school and sports, the list goes on. Honest question- what are their grievances?

I teach middle school. I recently heard the British expression "punching above your weight" as in "wow mate, that girl you are dating is good looking, you are definelty punching above your weight" (meaning you are in a romantic relationship with someone far more attractive).

OP there is nothing wrong with your kid being quirky or dorky. There are "quirky, dorky, nerdy, awkward" amazing kids who find each other and hang out both in and outside of school -think Stranger Things group of friends. They can be witty and loyal and busy at play dates and parties. It sounds like you want your kid to be punching above his or her weight and are encouraging your child to hang out with the popular kids. Your child needs to find his or her tribe and own it. Who comes to these parties you are hosting? Are you inviting other "quirky and a little dorky" kids?

Parents like you sometimes contract the school counselor to help your child be friends with a group of popular kids when they are on the periphery or completely outside the group and are offended when the counselor suggests hanging out with kids the parent doesn't deem socially acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Like a bunch of other posters on here, I knew what the popular clique was in my high school, and I didn't like them. They were not, on the whole, pleasant people. Self centered, self absorbed, passive aggressive, rude, and arrogant. What made them popular was their confidence and we flocked to it like bugs to a light because we wanted some of that confidence for ourselves, not because we liked the popular kids. Because they really were not, when you get down to it, likeable people.

I quickly figured it out when I got to college and never looked back. Others take longer. As long as you keep promoting confidence in your daughter who really cares what the popular kids think?

[Anonymous]

What are the benefits of your kid being in the popular crowd? I’m sure those kids have the same growing pains as other high school kids. It seems like a busier social life for your teen would be a hassle for parents. My child is an introvert, and that is just fine with me. She is happy with her group of friends.

[Anonymous]

You never know what happens behind closed doors.

The "popular" kid might get the crap beat out of them for bringing home a B. Or might get grounded (other than school and team commitments) for being found vaping. Or have phone taken for the rest of the year because cheating. Or money isn't available for college because dad gambled it away. Or mom has checked into rehab for her pill addiction.

Don't judge others before walking in their shoes. Best not to judge others ever. There is no perfect child, or perfect family, despite whatever you and Norman Rockwell think.