Do parents of popular kids ever have to suffer?

[Anonymous]

Parent of 2 kids here-
my DS(college freshman) is has a ton of friends, always is invited places, has kids to our house, etc. when he's home. We don't worry about him

my DD (senior in h.s.) has become very introverted, stays home on weekends, doesn't go to hoco, prom, etc. She is very sweet, bright and good looking, but she doesn't seem to make friends. She has been in sports and clubs and has made friends but the friendships fizzle for some reason. I do worry about her much more than I do my DS. It pains me to see all the hoco pics out (I don't look at FB often) because I don't understand why she isn't participating. I could care less about her being popular, I just wish she'd have a group of friends.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes we have to figure out what to do if our DC does not have appropriate empathy and kindness, and not knowing how to get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dc is quirky and a little dorky and never gets invited or included by kids at school despite hosting endless playdates and parties. I’ve always wondered though, do the parents of the popular kids ever have to suffer? They seem to reap benefit after benefit. Endless invitations, sycophants kissing up to get in their inner circles, preferential treatment at the school and sports, the list goes on. Honest question- what are their grievances?

How old is your DC? This too shall pass and yes, parents of popular kids have plenty to go through too. Everyone does.

Thanks. My son is 24

Oh sorry. That should say 14.

Well at this point he can manage this on his own. And if he remains dorky, take comfort that the nerds have inherited the earth. I’m happily married to one. He will have his day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dc is quirky and a little dorky and never gets invited or included by kids at school despite hosting endless playdates and parties. I’ve always wondered though, do the parents of the popular kids ever have to suffer? They seem to reap benefit after benefit. Endless invitations, sycophants kissing up to get in their inner circles, preferential treatment at the school and sports, the list goes on. Honest question- what are their grievances?

How old is your DC? This too shall pass and yes, parents of popular kids have plenty to go through too. Everyone does.

Thanks. My son is 24

Oh sorry. That should say 14.

The general parenting thread is for preschool parents

Maybe report your original post and ask the moderator to move it to tweens and teens

[Anonymous]

I found out at my high school reunion that two guys who had been very popular basketball stars in high school later killed themselves.

My brother was voted the sexiest senior guy in high school and I was voted the third weirdest senior girl. My brother died of alcoholism at the age of 61. I, on the other hand, have had a decent life and am enjoying my 60s enormously. I wish there was a way to convince the dorky kids that they’re gonna be all right.

Anyway, don’t make assumptions about people who seem to have it made. You never know what secret grief they might be carrying inside.

[Anonymous]

My DD is 14 and apparently one of the most popular kids her age in the area. Honestly she does not suffer much, no.

That said, this was not my case when I was 14, which I remember (as a more bookish introvert) as being a difficult time, socially. For me it got much better in high school, when I was part of a group of friends composed of similarly minded kids. Middle school can be a tough transition, from your grammar school friendships to more adult relationships.

[Anonymous]

You are asking about the parents, not the kids. I’m not sure about popular but my oldest is more introverted and has always had quieter weekends. He’s had awkward periods with little friend contact and a tougher time socially in school. It’s hard as a parent. You feel their pain and want to make it better but you know you can’t.

My daughter is very outgoing and always seems to be surrounded by lots of people. She’s always at someone’s house or has kids over. There are a lot of parties. She wants to be involved with a lot of extracurricular activities and loves school. Yes, this is easier to watch as a parent. She has other areas of life that are stressful and difficult, they don’t happen to be social.

[Anonymous]

I also have an unpopular, socially awkward, and not successful at school kid. I recently talked to a parent who’s kid seems perfect in every way. He said his kid age 13 gets invited every weekend to make out parties in kids basements and that added a whole level of worry that I don’t have to deal with because my kid doesn’t get invited anywhere. That showed me that the grass isn’t always greener because I don’t have to worry about that whole issue at all. The fast moving popular kids have their own set of worries compared to a homebody who doesn’t get invited out. As heartbreaking as it is to have your kid sitting home on the computer at least you’re not worried about his safety, drug use etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dc is quirky and a little dorky and never gets invited or included by kids at school despite hosting endless playdates and parties. I’ve always wondered though, do the parents of the popular kids ever have to suffer? They seem to reap benefit after benefit. Endless invitations, sycophants kissing up to get in their inner circles, preferential treatment at the school and sports, the list goes on. Honest question- what are their grievances?

Yes of course! Friends with older kids have always told me you don’t want your kid to be in the faster (some say popular) crowd because that’s the crowd that’s drinking, doing drugs, and having sex. I thought they were ridiculous until now that we’re approaching that age, I think they are right! The faster crowd is not something I would ever want my child to be in. Plus there is a lot of social pressure within those circles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I also have an unpopular, socially awkward, and not successful at school kid. I recently talked to a parent who’s kid seems perfect in every way. He said his kid age 13 gets invited every weekend to make out parties in kids basements and that added a whole level of worry that I don’t have to deal with because my kid doesn’t get invited anywhere. That showed me that the grass isn’t always greener because I don’t have to worry about that whole issue at all. The fast moving popular kids have their own set of worries compared to a homebody who doesn’t get invited out. As heartbreaking as it is to have your kid sitting home on the computer at least you’re not worried about his safety, drug use etc.

Your kid doesn’t have to sit home to not be in the make out drunk crowd. Reach out to other parents you’ll find that most kids who are 13 are also not in those parties and would love to do things.

[Anonymous]

My popular, funny, athletic middle schooler has dyslexia, discalculia, and disgraphia. Every class is a struggle for him. Every single one, every single day, since kindergarten. Not that you’d know it from the outside, though. You don’t know what other people go through, OP. There are other ways to suffer other than social exclusion (though I know personally how horrible it is, and I send good thoughts to you all).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My popular, funny, athletic middle schooler has dyslexia, discalculia, and disgraphia. Every class is a struggle for him. Every single one, every single day, since kindergarten. Not that you’d know it from the outside, though. You don’t know what other people go through, OP. There are other ways to suffer other than social exclusion (though I know personally how horrible it is, and I send good thoughts to you all).

+1
I have a child with special needs and a number of parents of kids with LDs, anxiety and other challenges have shared their struggles. You wouldn't know it from the outside because their children are very popular, athletic, good looking and "cool" but some of them are really struggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes we have to figure out what to do if our DC does not have appropriate empathy and kindness, and not knowing how to get there.

I see this all too often sadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My popular, funny, athletic middle schooler has dyslexia, discalculia, and disgraphia. Every class is a struggle for him. Every single one, every single day, since kindergarten. Not that you’d know it from the outside, though. You don’t know what other people go through, OP. There are other ways to suffer other than social exclusion (though I know personally how horrible it is, and I send good thoughts to you all).

+1
I have a child with special needs and a number of parents of kids with LDs, anxiety and other challenges have shared their struggles. You wouldn't know it from the outside because their children are very popular, athletic, good looking and "cool" but some of them are really struggling.

And keep in mind, there are also kids like mine who have a host of LDs, struggle every day at school, and also don’t have strong social skills. My DD has dysgraphia, dyscalculia and dyspraxia. School is hard, sports are hard, social interactions are hard. She also spends most of her free time on her computer. I want to push her to do more but then I also think, my god, what a relief it must be for her to have all the pressure off for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My popular, funny, athletic middle schooler has dyslexia, discalculia, and disgraphia. Every class is a struggle for him. Every single one, every single day, since kindergarten. Not that you’d know it from the outside, though. You don’t know what other people go through, OP. There are other ways to suffer other than social exclusion (though I know personally how horrible it is, and I send good thoughts to you all).

+1
I have a child with special needs and a number of parents of kids with LDs, anxiety and other challenges have shared their struggles. You wouldn't know it from the outside because their children are very popular, athletic, good looking and "cool" but some of them are really struggling.

And keep in mind, there are also kids like mine who have a host of LDs, struggle every day at school, and also don’t have strong social skills. My DD has dysgraphia, dyscalculia and dyspraxia. School is hard, sports are hard, social interactions are hard. She also spends most of her free time on her computer. I want to push her to do more but then I also think, my god, what a relief it must be for her to have all the pressure off for a while.

This is just like my daughter. What do you plan to do? I worry constantly about her. Do you think your daughter will go to college? Do you think she'll go to a good college? I'm asking because these are my worries and I feel so alone.