Do parents of popular kids ever have to suffer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My popular, funny, athletic middle schooler has dyslexia, discalculia, and disgraphia. Every class is a struggle for him. Every single one, every single day, since kindergarten. Not that you’d know it from the outside, though. You don’t know what other people go through, OP. There are other ways to suffer other than social exclusion (though I know personally how horrible it is, and I send good thoughts to you all).

+1
I have a child with special needs and a number of parents of kids with LDs, anxiety and other challenges have shared their struggles. You wouldn't know it from the outside because their children are very popular, athletic, good looking and "cool" but some of them are really struggling.

And keep in mind, there are also kids like mine who have a host of LDs, struggle every day at school, and also don’t have strong social skills. My DD has dysgraphia, dyscalculia and dyspraxia. School is hard, sports are hard, social interactions are hard. She also spends most of her free time on her computer. I want to push her to do more but then I also think, my god, what a relief it must be for her to have all the pressure off for a while.

I wish your DD and my DDcould meet! They sound very similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, your perceptions are weird. “Inner circle”? Sycophants? I’m sure there are popular kids in my kid’s class, but I would never notice that level of dynamics, or think to describe it that way.

You seem unnaturally triggered.

I’m not and I don’t even know if my kid is popular. It’s a word choice that’s more revealing about OP than the people she’s describing.

You are so full of crap. Everyone has at least a vague idea if their kid is "popular" - as much as I loathe that term. Its obvious in how many birthday parties, playdates, sleepovers they get invited to, or dont get invited to. There is no way you "have no idea" so quit blowing smoke. Doesn't mean you have to care, you probably dont, but you do know generally.

- New Poster

In high school??????

DP here.

PP here. Still waiting for the answer on WTH kind of mom is fixated on who goes to whose house ("birthday parties"? "playdates"? in high school. That is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Brother was king of the school and I was super popular. Why do you think that equals zero issues? Brother was super rebellious and often had girlfriend drama. He stole a car, even. I had friend and relationship drama, like any kid, while also doing terribly in school because I couldn’t be bothered.

Popularity doesn’t erase typical kid issues.

+1

The fixation on "popularity" is befuddling. OP, if you don't want to work outside the home, maybe you could volunteer at something separate from your DC? I know this sounds like an enormous step, but it would be good for both of you. Start with a few hours, and work from there. I am not trying to be harsh, but I think some gratitude and perspective is in order. Your world seems too small for you and your DC to thrive properly. Again, not trying to be harsh, since this is anon. For you to believe that other people do not have problems, especially if their child is "popular"? My God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dc is quirky and a little dorky and never gets invited or included by kids at school despite hosting endless playdates and parties. I’ve always wondered though, do the parents of the popular kids ever have to suffer? They seem to reap benefit after benefit. Endless invitations, sycophants kissing up to get in their inner circles, preferential treatment at the school and sports, the list goes on. Honest question- what are their grievances?

OP are you in public or private? That’s rude if people are accepting invitations and not reciprocating. That is a basic aspect of etiquette.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brother was king of the school and I was super popular. Why do you think that equals zero issues? Brother was super rebellious and often had girlfriend drama. He stole a car, even. I had friend and relationship drama, like any kid, while also doing terribly in school because I couldn’t be bothered.

Popularity doesn’t erase typical kid issues.

+1

The fixation on "popularity" is befuddling. OP, if you don't want to work outside the home, maybe you could volunteer at something separate from your DC? I know this sounds like an enormous step, but it would be good for both of you. Start with a few hours, and work from there. I am not trying to be harsh, but I think some gratitude and perspective is in order. Your world seems too small for you and your DC to thrive properly. Again, not trying to be harsh, since this is anon. For you to believe that other people do not have problems, especially if their child is "popular"? My God.

Op never said she doesn’t work. What makes you assume she doesn’t work to have concerns about her child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brother was king of the school and I was super popular. Why do you think that equals zero issues? Brother was super rebellious and often had girlfriend drama. He stole a car, even. I had friend and relationship drama, like any kid, while also doing terribly in school because I couldn’t be bothered.

Popularity doesn’t erase typical kid issues.

+1

The fixation on "popularity" is befuddling. OP, if you don't want to work outside the home, maybe you could volunteer at something separate from your DC? I know this sounds like an enormous step, but it would be good for both of you. Start with a few hours, and work from there. I am not trying to be harsh, but I think some gratitude and perspective is in order. Your world seems too small for you and your DC to thrive properly. Again, not trying to be harsh, since this is anon. For you to believe that other people do not have problems, especially if their child is "popular"? My God.

Op never said she doesn’t work. What makes you assume she doesn’t work to have concerns about her child?

I will say it plainly: There is something wrong with OP. I do not know if there is any helping her. She is fixated. It is not healthy. OP's DC should be doing their own thing, without OP's intervention and/or hovering. Her DC is in high school. Whether or not there are SN involved (there seems to be, given OPs over reaction), OP needs to know when to say when. Parents can not control everything. Instead, parents should be teaching their children how to be resilient, and that they won't always be included in every homecoming or event or whatever it is that OP deems so very crucial to life. It is clear that whatever the event is, it is far more important to OP than her DC. It is also clear that OP's overreaction will have an adverse affect on her DC, if it has not already. I fully expect an over reaction to my answer to your question. It seems one way or another, OP clearly has too much time on her hands, and it is detrimental to her and her family, if this is how she goes about matters. Since you asked. Again, I fully expect an over reaction to my answer to your question. This is anonymous, and you should take this to heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dc is quirky and a little dorky and never gets invited or included by kids at school despite hosting endless playdates and parties. I’ve always wondered though, do the parents of the popular kids ever have to suffer? They seem to reap benefit after benefit. Endless invitations, sycophants kissing up to get in their inner circles, preferential treatment at the school and sports, the list goes on. Honest question- what are their grievances?

OP are you in public or private? That’s rude if people are accepting invitations and not reciprocating. That is a basic aspect of etiquette.

+1

OP, why aren't you hosting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brother was king of the school and I was super popular. Why do you think that equals zero issues? Brother was super rebellious and often had girlfriend drama. He stole a car, even. I had friend and relationship drama, like any kid, while also doing terribly in school because I couldn’t be bothered.

Popularity doesn’t erase typical kid issues.

+1

The fixation on "popularity" is befuddling. OP, if you don't want to work outside the home, maybe you could volunteer at something separate from your DC? I know this sounds like an enormous step, but it would be good for both of you. Start with a few hours, and work from there. I am not trying to be harsh, but I think some gratitude and perspective is in order. Your world seems too small for you and your DC to thrive properly. Again, not trying to be harsh, since this is anon. For you to believe that other people do not have problems, especially if their child is "popular"? My God.

Op never said she doesn’t work. What makes you assume she doesn’t work to have concerns about her child?

I will say it plainly: There is something wrong with OP. I do not know if there is any helping her. She is fixated. It is not healthy. OP's DC should be doing their own thing, without OP's intervention and/or hovering. Her DC is in high school. Whether or not there are SN involved (there seems to be, given OPs over reaction), OP needs to know when to say when. Parents can not control everything. Instead, parents should be teaching their children how to be resilient, and that they won't always be included in every homecoming or event or whatever it is that OP deems so very crucial to life. It is clear that whatever the event is, it is far more important to OP than her DC. It is also clear that OP's overreaction will have an adverse affect on her DC, if it has not already. I fully expect an over reaction to my answer to your question. It seems one way or another, OP clearly has too much time on her hands, and it is detrimental to her and her family, if this is how she goes about matters. Since you asked. Again, I fully expect an over reaction to my answer to your question. This is anonymous, and you should take this to heart.

I am not op and my kids are not in highschool yet but your post is cruel And quite frankly I think it shows that you are the one that may have a problem. You don’t know op and don’t have any idea what happened to her child this week to prompt her post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dc is quirky and a little dorky and never gets invited or included by kids at school despite hosting endless playdates and parties. I’ve always wondered though, do the parents of the popular kids ever have to suffer? They seem to reap benefit after benefit. Endless invitations, sycophants kissing up to get in their inner circles, preferential treatment at the school and sports, the list goes on. Honest question- what are their grievances?

OP are you in public or private? That’s rude if people are accepting invitations and not reciprocating. That is a basic aspect of etiquette.

+1

OP, why aren't you hosting?

Didn’t you read her posts? She said she hosts things all the time for her high school child But that her child does not get invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brother was king of the school and I was super popular. Why do you think that equals zero issues? Brother was super rebellious and often had girlfriend drama. He stole a car, even. I had friend and relationship drama, like any kid, while also doing terribly in school because I couldn’t be bothered.

Popularity doesn’t erase typical kid issues.

+1

The fixation on "popularity" is befuddling. OP, if you don't want to work outside the home, maybe you could volunteer at something separate from your DC? I know this sounds like an enormous step, but it would be good for both of you. Start with a few hours, and work from there. I am not trying to be harsh, but I think some gratitude and perspective is in order. Your world seems too small for you and your DC to thrive properly. Again, not trying to be harsh, since this is anon. For you to believe that other people do not have problems, especially if their child is "popular"? My God.

Op never said she doesn’t work. What makes you assume she doesn’t work to have concerns about her child?

I will say it plainly: There is something wrong with OP. I do not know if there is any helping her. She is fixated. It is not healthy. OP's DC should be doing their own thing, without OP's intervention and/or hovering. Her DC is in high school. Whether or not there are SN involved (there seems to be, given OPs over reaction), OP needs to know when to say when. Parents can not control everything. Instead, parents should be teaching their children how to be resilient, and that they won't always be included in every homecoming or event or whatever it is that OP deems so very crucial to life. It is clear that whatever the event is, it is far more important to OP than her DC. It is also clear that OP's overreaction will have an adverse affect on her DC, if it has not already. I fully expect an over reaction to my answer to your question. It seems one way or another, OP clearly has too much time on her hands, and it is detrimental to her and her family, if this is how she goes about matters. Since you asked. Again, I fully expect an over reaction to my answer to your question. This is anonymous, and you should take this to heart.

I am not op and my kids are not in highschool yet but your post is cruel And quite frankly I think it shows that you are the one that may have a problem. You don’t know op and don’t have any idea what happened to her child this week to prompt her post.

+1. I am not the OP, but as the mother of a quirky, dorky child who also has social issues and doesn't have an easy time with friendships, I completely understood what the OP was getting at. It seems like a lot of you who are criticizing her (I assume it's a her) don't live in a world where you are watching your child feel lonely and isolated. Honestly, I've wondered the same exact question as the OP posted here, so I appreciated this post a LOT. It doesn't mean I meddle in my child's life or try to engineer her social life. I try to encourage her gently, but in a way that doesn't make her feel inadequate (and yes, it took me going to therapy to understand how to do this in a way that makes her feel loved and secure, and also understanding the whole resiliance issue). I do look at the parents of the popular kids in my daughter's grade and wonder what it feels like to know that your child has the capacity to have age-appropriate friendships and relationships, and not to worry about whether you are doing not enough, or too much, to help your child in this regard, given that having that skill is so critical to having a happy and successful life (IMO). I'm not talking about popularity equaling success. I'm talking about being able to make and retain friends.

Ok, I clearly read a lot into OP's post, and maybe she's not feeling all of those things. But for those of you who are criticizing her, know that there is a lot under the surface when these issues are at play.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 popular kids. Good looking, smart (top of their classes), super athletic. They're invited to everything. Kids clamor to be their friends.

I've had my own struggles. Two that come to mind immediately: 1) Years of significant infertility (I did have kids over time but it involved lots of heartache and loss over the better part of a decade. I will always have some form of PTSD from this).
2) A mother with very early-onset dementia.

We're all dealing with something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dc is quirky and a little dorky and never gets invited or included by kids at school despite hosting endless playdates and parties. I’ve always wondered though, do the parents of the popular kids ever have to suffer? They seem to reap benefit after benefit. Endless invitations, sycophants kissing up to get in their inner circles, preferential treatment at the school and sports, the list goes on. Honest question- what are their grievances?

Yes of course! Friends with older kids have always told me you don’t want your kid to be in the faster (some say popular) crowd because that’s the crowd that’s drinking, doing drugs, and having sex. I thought they were ridiculous until now that we’re approaching that age, I think they are right! The faster crowd is not something I would ever want my child to be in. Plus there is a lot of social pressure within those circles.

+1 My 13 yr old DD and her unpopular group of friends refer to this crowd as the Mean Girls. I would never want my kid to be in that group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Schools can be different on this too. I was in the popular but not super fast group which was a different group but we hung together. My group got really good grades, kids were nice and generally pretty attractive and had something they were good at whether it was gymnastics or an amazing voice or tennis- didn’t really matter. Parents were high achieving, serious, involved parents for the most part. This group was well liked and would go to parties and such but not get out of hand and no one did drugs. Sex was usually not until junior year and there were many long term couples versus random hook ups. These kids did not peak in high school. I’d say 90% of them are doing quite well and have had good lives. Always the random tragedy, or addiction but overall they were pretty charmed, hard working group in high school and they still are.

How old are you? Your whole comment could be irrelevant if you are not from this era of kids. Life was very different for us when we were kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dc is quirky and a little dorky and never gets invited or included by kids at school despite hosting endless playdates and parties. I’ve always wondered though, do the parents of the popular kids ever have to suffer? They seem to reap benefit after benefit. Endless invitations, sycophants kissing up to get in their inner circles, preferential treatment at the school and sports, the list goes on. Honest question- what are their grievances?

How old is your DC? This too shall pass and yes, parents of popular kids have plenty to go through too. Everyone does.

Thanks. My son is 24

Oh sorry. That should say 14.

Still too old for “play dates”. Or for you to be this involved in his social life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dc is quirky and a little dorky and never gets invited or included by kids at school despite hosting endless playdates and parties. I’ve always wondered though, do the parents of the popular kids ever have to suffer? They seem to reap benefit after benefit. Endless invitations, sycophants kissing up to get in their inner circles, preferential treatment at the school and sports, the list goes on. Honest question- what are their grievances?

How old is your DC? This too shall pass and yes, parents of popular kids have plenty to go through too. Everyone does.

Thanks. My son is 24

Oh sorry. That should say 14.

Still too old for “play dates”. Or for you to be this involved in his social life.

+1