Do parents of popular kids ever have to suffer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dc is quirky and a little dorky and never gets invited or included by kids at school despite hosting endless playdates and parties. I’ve always wondered though, do the parents of the popular kids ever have to suffer? They seem to reap benefit after benefit. Endless invitations, sycophants kissing up to get in their inner circles, preferential treatment at the school and sports, the list goes on. Honest question- what are their grievances?

Yes of course! Friends with older kids have always told me you don’t want your kid to be in the faster (some say popular) crowd because that’s the crowd that’s drinking, doing drugs, and having sex. I thought they were ridiculous until now that we’re approaching that age, I think they are right! The faster crowd is not something I would ever want my child to be in. Plus there is a lot of social pressure within those circles.

I went to a middle America small town high school, and there was relatively big money in the area (relatively). I was definitely not a part of the popular crowd.

I recall that in sophomore or junior year, one of the most popular boys -- football player, thought to be super cute, had his pick of what he wanted -- died in a car accident. He was in a car with (IIRC) the football coach, passed out in the back seat, no seatbelt, thrown from the car. Scuttlebutt was that he'd been using more than alcohol. I'm sure his parents were devastated.

[Anonymous]

My son is on the popular high school crowd and I’m not happy about. He is well liked by all types of groups it appears, but the popular crowd is much more into parties, girls and all that comes with it. I was always a floater in high school, as is my daughter, I think it’s a better place to be. But I largely chose not to hang too much with the very popular, faster crowd. I try to empower my son to do the same but some kids are wired to seek out what’s “cool” despite parents who don’t care a rip about that.

[Anonymous]

*in

[Anonymous]

Maybe this will make you feel better. My DD is ultra popular, in fact an Instagram site identified her as #1 most popular in grade. It is hell for her father and I. You do not get to be most popular by making good decisions, unfortunately that is just the way of the high school social scene. I constantly have to worry about alcohol, drugs, sex, skipping class. Containing and managing her is so difficult. She is invited to everything. High School popularity is fleeting, meaningless, a blimp in life. Yes, she has good looks but there is more to being popular and it is not always pretty. We are counting the days for HS to be over. And her sibling is not in same social scene and it is honestly much more enjoyable to parent.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the question. Why do parents of unpopular kids have to suffer and why would parents of popular kids not suffer? I am confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this will make you feel better. My DD is ultra popular, in fact an Instagram site identified her as #1 most popular in grade. It is hell for her father and I. You do not get to be most popular by making good decisions, unfortunately that is just the way of the high school social scene. I constantly have to worry about alcohol, drugs, sex, skipping class. Containing and managing her is so difficult. She is invited to everything. High School popularity is fleeting, meaningless, a blimp in life. Yes, she has good looks but there is more to being popular and it is not always pretty. We are counting the days for HS to be over. And her sibling is not in same social scene and it is honestly much more enjoyable to parent.

Bingo.

You grass is always greener and having a popular kid means life is easy folks do not really know what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dc is quirky and a little dorky and never gets invited or included by kids at school despite hosting endless playdates and parties. I’ve always wondered though, do the parents of the popular kids ever have to suffer? They seem to reap benefit after benefit. Endless invitations, sycophants kissing up to get in their inner circles, preferential treatment at the school and sports, the list goes on. Honest question- what are their grievances?

I think you’re completely over concerned with this. Your child is 14? I’d stop callings it play dates for one. The use of syncofants seems a bit much. Remember no one wants to “peak” in high school. Your child just needs a few friends. Don’t worry about the other stuff. College is a far different ball game particularly if dc goes to a less Greek oriented school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this will make you feel better. My DD is ultra popular, in fact an Instagram site identified her as #1 most popular in grade. It is hell for her father and I. You do not get to be most popular by making good decisions, unfortunately that is just the way of the high school social scene. I constantly have to worry about alcohol, drugs, sex, skipping class. Containing and managing her is so difficult. She is invited to everything. High School popularity is fleeting, meaningless, a blimp in life. Yes, she has good looks but there is more to being popular and it is not always pretty. We are counting the days for HS to be over. And her sibling is not in same social scene and it is honestly much more enjoyable to parent.

Bingo.

You grass is always greener and having a popular kid means life is easy folks do not really know what you are talking about.

Agree. And Pp we are in the same/similar boat. It’s not fun, lots of worry.

[Anonymous]

Our children are both ‘floaters’ as the PP called it, they are friends with many and in between various groups. So, in multiple various cliques of like 7-9 kids they are like the 8th or 9th. It seems healthy as they have a lot of different friends, but it can be hard too, and feel like never quite being in the heart of any one group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of 2 kids here-
my DS(college freshman) is has a ton of friends, always is invited places, has kids to our house, etc. when he's home. We don't worry about him

my DD (senior in h.s.) has become very introverted, stays home on weekends, doesn't go to hoco, prom, etc. She is very sweet, bright and good looking, but she doesn't seem to make friends. She has been in sports and clubs and has made friends but the friendships fizzle for some reason. I do worry about her much more than I do my DS. It pains me to see all the hoco pics out (I don't look at FB often) because I don't understand why she isn't participating. I could care less about her being popular, I just wish she'd have a group of friends.

I was your DD. Turned out just fine. HS is a cesspool of a-holes. In my experience, people who were super popular in HS and had extremely busy social lives have a hard time moving on from HS, with varying degrees of career success (see Kavanaugh and our class alpha bitch who barely has a career, became very unattractive once the veil of youth disappeared, and from what I understand has quite a boring life, never having grown at all as a person).

Also, I might add that my parents had very few friendships. And all of them were from their college, early 20s days. They never made friends during my lifetime. I dont' know if that was why I never quite learned how to pursue friendships, but it might be worth modeling some of this or talking about it if you are the same way.

My husband and I are those parents and I'm afraid it's starting to rub off on our DC. I don't know how to stop the cycle.

[Anonymous]

Do you really think bad things never happen to "popular" people? Come on, use your common sense. Sickness, disease, death can strike anywhere at anytime.

But even putting that aside, look at the monster thread below about the girl whose friends "pranked" her. I bet her mom thought she was "popular" before all this happened.

[Anonymous]

The captain of the football team from my high school is divorced and manages a bar. The “nerd” started a company and now is a multimillionaire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our children are both ‘floaters’ as the PP called it, they are friends with many and in between various groups. So, in multiple various cliques of like 7-9 kids they are like the 8th or 9th. It seems healthy as they have a lot of different friends, but it can be hard too, and feel like never quite being in the heart of any one group.

This. I was a "floater" like you describe in hs and looking back, it wasn't that great. I didn't have the "time of my life" experience that a lot of people describe having in high school.

I had that in college when I joined a sorority and was in the heart of a particular group.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand your premise, OP.

If your son is a teen, there is no amount of "playdates" (?!) that will socially engineer his life, except if you were very wealthy and could offer experiences and a level of comfort that his classmates were not used to.

And why you suffer, as a parent? Is it because he really wants an active social life and can't have one? If he's happy the way he is, you should be happy too. We are happy family of introverts who don't socialize much.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 very social dc. They get invited to lots of parties, play dates etc. It’s honestly exhausting. I would trade this busy lifestyle in for a more quiet lifestyle any day. I would love for my dc to be content at home with a few close friends.