Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs

[Anonymous]

More details are needed.

It's one thing if you already make good money and spouse is pressuring you so they can buy more material goods. If spouse wants a bigger house/new car/whatever, they can take on the more stressful job.

It's another if spouse is working, OP is a bum making minimum wage, and spouse has made it clear that OP needs a higher paying job just so they can make ends meet. It also depends on what "stressful" means to OP. I had a boyfriend who found the whole concept of work stressful, and got fired from all his jobs within weeks. In which case, spouse would be justified in demanding OP get a reasonable job.

It's also possible OP ran up a ridiculous amount of debt and spouse is demanding OP get a higher paying job to pay it off. Also justified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. No one can pressure you into working a job you do not want to work. If your spouse is insisting that you take a job you don't want, that's a jerk move, but it's not "abuse." If your spouse beats you or threatens to beat you if you do not take a job you don't want, that's abuse. You can go on and on and on about emotional abuse, but in every situation I've seen where one partner works a high-paying stressful job to support the family, there is at least some discussion of that and agreement about who the breadwinner will be.

If you find that you are in a situation where your spouse is pressuring you to work at a job you don't like in order to subsidize their lifestyle while not contributing financially themselves, I would suggest that you consider divorcing this selfish person.

say if she threatened to leave you if you don’t work a job you hate? Not abuse?

I think it's mean and manipulative. As someone who works with actual survivors of domestic abuse, I think it it frankly laughable that you are calling a wife who threatens to leave you if you only make $300k instead of $700k "abusive."

Listen, there is economic coercion that certainly happens. By and large, it happens to women who are employed in low-skill, low-pay fields such as childcare, housekeeping, the maquiladoras in Juarez, etc. There are plenty of people who are forced by their spouses to work with threats of violence, social consequences, etc.

What you are describing is a materialist who doesn't respect you. Please do not put yourself in the same category as the women who are forced to work by abusive husbands under threat of violence against them or their children.

be honest, you’d say him noticing she has gained 100 lbs in the two years they’ve been married as being abuse

Be honest. You're a misogynist who just doesn't like your wife.

If you've only been married for 2 years and things are already this bad, just leave. Clearly being married to her isn't good for you, and it's likely that she's not too happy either.

[Anonymous]

It could be, depending on what you mean by pressure. I definitely think it's a source of stress and disharmony in a lot of relationships when either partner feels like the other is not pulling their weight, either because they don't work, they have a low-paying "vanity" job, etc. So if the person who has to work 80 hours a week says they feel pressured to keep their high-stress job so their spouse can relax, I think that's messed up and could be abusive depending on the circumstances.

But on the other hand, I could see the part time spouse coming on here and saying they're being abused for being pressured to get a full time job or a higher paying job, and I wouldn't agree with that, so I don't think you can just say flat out that it's abusive to be pressured to earn more money. Some people aren't pulling their weight and need to contribute more to the family. Some people are pulling all the weight and getting pressured to do more. They're not the same situations, and even in those situations the kind of "pressure" could be abusive or not. So, who knows.

If you feel like you're being abused in your relationship then you need to stand up for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Lol pointing out your wife has gained 100 lbs is misogyny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol pointing out your wife has gained 100 lbs is misogyny

No, it's not. Stop being obtuse.

Saying, "Hey, honey, I notice you've put on some weight lately. Is there anything going on that I can help you work through?" is not misgyny. You know it's not misogyny. You are trying to make a comparison so that you get a permission slip to talk trash about your wife. Just get a divorce and save everyone the hassle.

[Anonymous]

You can say no, correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can say no, correct?

and if she divorces you if you say no or cheats on you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you want the best paying job possible for your family?

Well, the best paying job I could get right now would pay about $5-600k, but would require 50% travel and routinely working 70-hour weeks. I have decided to stay at my $3-400k job that requires only 20% travel and 50-hour weeks. Do you really think the better paying job would be better for my family? My kids are 2 and 4.

OK that's a huge difference than someone taking the easy 50k job vs hustling for the 100k job. In your case, 3-400k should be enough to support a family.

You would think, but for a while my spouse was trying to nudge me into the higher-paying job. It was annoying AF, and caused resentment and distrust, but to answer the OP's question, no, it was not abuse. And, I am a woman, FWIW.

Also, we have no idea whether the OP is talking about the difference between a $50k/$100k job or a $300k/$600k job.

[Anonymous]

This forum is full of MRAs fantasizing about what it would be like to be high income. At my job, in biglaw, there are (obviously) many high income women. Most of the women have high income spouses. Some have SAH spouses. Most of the men have working wives. All of them would find this imagined dynamic of the shrew SAHW threatening a man with a frying pan if he quits completely foreign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can say no, correct?

and if she divorces you if you say no or cheats on you?

If she divorces you or cheats on you because you did not want to get a higher paying job, she is a terrible wife and you're well shut of her. Find someone better next time. But we all know that's not the issue here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This forum is full of MRAs fantasizing about what it would be like to be high income. At my job, in biglaw, there are (obviously) many high income women. Most of the women have high income spouses. Some have SAH spouses. Most of the men have working wives. All of them would find this imagined dynamic of the shrew SAHW threatening a man with a frying pan if he quits completely foreign.

actually women in bigkaw tend to not marry because there isn’t anyone for them to marry up to

[Anonymous]

When they quit biglaw then they marry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is full of MRAs fantasizing about what it would be like to be high income. At my job, in biglaw, there are (obviously) many high income women. Most of the women have high income spouses. Some have SAH spouses. Most of the men have working wives. All of them would find this imagined dynamic of the shrew SAHW threatening a man with a frying pan if he quits completely foreign.

actually women in bigkaw tend to not marry because there isn’t anyone for them to marry up to

"Actually..."

Jeez. Do you even know any women? I am starting to think that you do not. Almost every woman lawyer I know is married. Most of them to other lawyers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is full of MRAs fantasizing about what it would be like to be high income. At my job, in biglaw, there are (obviously) many high income women. Most of the women have high income spouses. Some have SAH spouses. Most of the men have working wives. All of them would find this imagined dynamic of the shrew SAHW threatening a man with a frying pan if he quits completely foreign.

actually women in bigkaw tend to not marry because there isn’t anyone for them to marry up to

Hahah DP here, but as another woman in BigLaw your sad unsubstantiated fantasy just proved PP's point. You're imagining what a shrewish horrible woman would be (bad if she has a low-paying job, but somehow worse if she has a high-paying one, right?), and asserting nonsense as fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is full of MRAs fantasizing about what it would be like to be high income. At my job, in biglaw, there are (obviously) many high income women. Most of the women have high income spouses. Some have SAH spouses. Most of the men have working wives. All of them would find this imagined dynamic of the shrew SAHW threatening a man with a frying pan if he quits completely foreign.

actually women in bigkaw tend to not marry because there isn’t anyone for them to marry up to

"Actually..."

Jeez. Do you even know any women? I am starting to think that you do not. Almost every woman lawyer I know is married. Most of them to other lawyers.

when they quit biglaw to go into lower paid government work