Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. No one can pressure you into working a job you do not want to work. If your spouse is insisting that you take a job you don't want, that's a jerk move, but it's not "abuse." If your spouse beats you or threatens to beat you if you do not take a job you don't want, that's abuse. You can go on and on and on about emotional abuse, but in every situation I've seen where one partner works a high-paying stressful job to support the family, there is at least some discussion of that and agreement about who the breadwinner will be.

If you find that you are in a situation where your spouse is pressuring you to work at a job you don't like in order to subsidize their lifestyle while not contributing financially themselves, I would suggest that you consider divorcing this selfish person.

say if she threatened to leave you if you don’t work a job you hate? Not abuse?

Not abuse - just a crazed lunatic.

[Anonymous]

This is why there are very few women specialist doctors since most go into part time or general or pediatrics , because they don’t want to work themselves to death. It’s so bad The NY Times begged women to stop going to medical school because they are harming the medical profession by not specializing and working part time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is full of MRAs fantasizing about what it would be like to be high income. At my job, in biglaw, there are (obviously) many high income women. Most of the women have high income spouses. Some have SAH spouses. Most of the men have working wives. All of them would find this imagined dynamic of the shrew SAHW threatening a man with a frying pan if he quits completely foreign.

actually women in bigkaw tend to not marry because there isn’t anyone for them to marry up to

"Actually..."

Jeez. Do you even know any women? I am starting to think that you do not. Almost every woman lawyer I know is married. Most of them to other lawyers.

when they quit biglaw to go into lower paid government work

You know that there are male lawyers who work for the government too, right?

Just admit you are a misogynist. It'll make this thread a lot easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why there are very few women specialist doctors since most go into part time or general or pediatrics , because they don’t want to work themselves to death. It’s so bad The NY Times begged women to stop going to medical school because they are harming the medical profession by not specializing and working part time

Okay, please provide a link to the NYT "begging" women to stop going to medical school. I think you are full of sh*t.

[Anonymous]

DW here with a dissenting view -- I don't think it is abuse, but it is absolutely wrong for a wife to insist that her husband work a high stress job that he hates just because she wants more money. Isn't a wife supposed to love her husband and be concerned for his health and well being? And walk into the world as partners? I truly don't understand such a selfish view of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why there are very few women specialist doctors since most go into part time or general or pediatrics , because they don’t want to work themselves to death. It’s so bad The NY Times begged women to stop going to medical school because they are harming the medical profession by not specializing and working part time

Okay, please provide a link to the NYT "begging" women to stop going to medical school. I think you are full of sh*t.

It was nit the NYT - it was an opinion piece by some old dude that got published in the NYT. Big difference. Opinion pieces are not endorsements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW here with a dissenting view -- I don't think it is abuse, but it is absolutely wrong for a wife to insist that her husband work a high stress job that he hates just because she wants more money. Isn't a wife supposed to love her husband and be concerned for his health and well being? And walk into the world as partners? I truly don't understand such a selfish view of marriage.

Not sure how that's a dissenting view -- that's what everyone on the thread has said.

[Anonymous]

What if you want your spouse to quit their stressful job because of how it impacts marriage/family, but spouse doesn't want to take the pay cut?

[Anonymous]

One of the causes of my divorce was my exW insisting I leave a job I loved for one which paid more. I now make a lot more money, and I'm single, and some days I enjoy my job. I definitely enjoy the status the higher-paying job brings to me when I date.

[Anonymous]

Financial Abuse is a very popular tactic by domestic abusers. I am not saying that this is the case for you, but here are some of the signs:

Economic or financial abuse is when an abusive partner extends their power and control into the area of finances. This abuse can take different forms, including an abusive partner:

- Giving an allowance and closely watching how you spend it or demanding receipts for purchases
- Placing your paycheck in their bank account and denying you access to it
- Preventing you from viewing or having access to bank accounts
- Forbidding you to work or limiting the hours that you can work
- Maxing out credit cards in your name without permission or not paying the bills on credit cards, which could ruin your credit score
- Stealing money from you or your family and friends
- Using funds from children’s savings accounts without your permission
- Living in your home but refusing to work or contribute to the household
- Making you give them your tax returns or confiscating joint tax returns
- Refusing to give you money to pay for necessities/shared expenses like food, clothing, transportation, or medical care and medicine

https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Financial Abuse is a very popular tactic by domestic abusers. I am not saying that this is the case for you, but here are some of the signs:

Economic or financial abuse is when an abusive partner extends their power and control into the area of finances. This abuse can take different forms, including an abusive partner:

- Giving an allowance and closely watching how you spend it or demanding receipts for purchases
- Placing your paycheck in their bank account and denying you access to it
- Preventing you from viewing or having access to bank accounts
- Forbidding you to work or limiting the hours that you can work
- Maxing out credit cards in your name without permission or not paying the bills on credit cards, which could ruin your credit score
- Stealing money from you or your family and friends
- Using funds from children’s savings accounts without your permission
- Living in your home but refusing to work or contribute to the household
- Making you give them your tax returns or confiscating joint tax returns
- Refusing to give you money to pay for necessities/shared expenses like food, clothing, transportation, or medical care and medicine

https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/

That's not what is happening to the OP. None of that is applicable to the OP. I frankly doubt that the OP is even married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you want the best paying job possible for your family?

Well, the best paying job I could get right now would pay about $5-600k, but would require 50% travel and routinely working 70-hour weeks. I have decided to stay at my $3-400k job that requires only 20% travel and 50-hour weeks. Do you really think the better paying job would be better for my family? My kids are 2 and 4.

It's all about finding balance in your life. With kids 2 and 4 50% travel and 70 hour work weeks wou,d be a nightmare. Take it on when you are an empty nester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any views on this or are you just supposed to “man up” and accept it?

Of course not. Though in my experience taking a high stress/high income job track is SELF-induced, not partner-induced.

Be clear about your priorities, do a values-based job search, and you will find your way and be happy. If your spouse is pushing you one way, go over your values together. I'm not saying you go take a flush job that pays peanuts, there are lots of jobs out there that pay decently in exchange for working 9-5. Don't confuse that with a sexy job that pays peanuts or a job that overworks you and pays you peanuts/hour and you're never at home during the waking hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the causes of my divorce was my exW insisting I leave a job I loved for one which paid more. I now make a lot more money, and I'm single, and some days I enjoy my job. I definitely enjoy the status the higher-paying job brings to me when I date.

If rather never have sex again than have to deal with women who care about status and showing off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any views on this or are you just supposed to “man up” and accept it?

Many people - men and women - do these sorts of jobs in their 20s and then leverage that experience to sane, well-paying jobs. Just have to have to balls to do a job search well and get off the insane track.

I worked in Manhattan in my 20s, I noticed tons of lawyers and bankers leaving the area to "go back" to Texas or Colorado or Minnesota to work awesome jobs and live an awesome quality of life.

More than one way to skin a cat, my friend.