Adult Son - WWYD

[Anonymous]

Good grief woman - let your son come home. He's told you in two different ways that he wants to. Maybe him coming to this area will be the fresh start that he wants - and serving positions here are a dime a dozen. Without the added stress of overhead - you or him paying - he can focus on resume building/internships/networking events in the one of the hottest employment markets in the area.

This wouldn't be a question if your DH liked your son more.

Let him come home. He's 24 not 34. Set time limits - once he gets a job, let him contribute and then send him back out. He doesn't sound like a bum or a loser - and you're his parents. Unless he's showing himself as lazy or without ambition this should be a no-brainer.

[Anonymous]

What's his major? This economy is booming with record unemployment. I'm surprised he can't even get a job as a server. DC has fabulous employment opportunities so I'd encourage him to move here. It would be selfish too because if he settled down here, you're likely to have grandchildren close by in 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good grief woman - let your son come home. He's told you in two different ways that he wants to. Maybe him coming to this area will be the fresh start that he wants - and serving positions here are a dime a dozen. Without the added stress of overhead - you or him paying - he can focus on resume building/internships/networking events in the one of the hottest employment markets in the area.

This wouldn't be a question if your DH liked your son more.

Let him come home. He's 24 not 34. Set time limits - once he gets a job, let him contribute and then send him back out. He doesn't sound like a bum or a loser - and you're his parents. Unless he's showing himself as lazy or without ambition this should be a no-brainer.

Exactly! He sounds like a good kid. The husband not so much..maybe he should go.

[Anonymous]

People sounlike he's some 18 year old.

I would sit him down and tell him that he is a 24 YO adult and he needs to be responsible for his own life.

If he can't even get a serving job he isn't doing something right. Maybe it's time he struggles rather then sitting there asking for handouts from mommy and daddy. Our economy is at the best it's been in the past 50 years, there is no excuse other then spoiled laziness to justify his unemployment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief woman - let your son come home. He's told you in two different ways that he wants to. Maybe him coming to this area will be the fresh start that he wants - and serving positions here are a dime a dozen. Without the added stress of overhead - you or him paying - he can focus on resume building/internships/networking events in the one of the hottest employment markets in the area.

This wouldn't be a question if your DH liked your son more.

Let him come home. He's 24 not 34. Set time limits - once he gets a job, let him contribute and then send him back out. He doesn't sound like a bum or a loser - and you're his parents. Unless he's showing himself as lazy or without ambition this should be a no-brainer.

Exactly! He sounds like a good kid. The husband not so much..maybe he should go.

I'd also like to add that you'd be surprised how the dynamic of the relationship between the two of them can change once a kid leaves for college and comes back. Prior to my son going to college, I loved him, but didn't like him so much. A little self centered, a bit obnoxious and I was ready for the separation. But I saw his growth and maturity through that time and our relationship is so much stronger now than ever. Maybe this will be what happens with your family - your husband won't see the punk kid anymore and your kid might see your dad in a different more nuanced light as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would anyone’s answer be different if it was DD vs DS?

Speaking for myself, no.

I think a one year timeframe would be sufficient for any adult child to return to the nest, but it should be clear from the beginning that the expectation is that 1) he helps out around the house and 2) he moves out after that time period.

My parents let me do this at age 23, post graduate school, and I am appreciative for money I was able to save during that period of time.

[Anonymous]

Have him move back. DC is a great place to get a professional entry level job with real wages, real benefits, and a real work culture. There are always tons of jobs here, it's a much better market than pretty much anywhere else.

[Anonymous]

Also, collect rent from him and stick it in a savings account. Let that money accumulate and he can use it on a downpayment on his first apartment. I know a few people in DC who did that and were homeowners by the time they turned 26.

Having parents in/near the city is a godsend.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP —-WHAT IS HIS MAJOR??? Which field is he aiming for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids will always have a place in my home if they need it.

DC has a serious health issue, sure.

Unemployed? Apply for unemployment, food stamps, and Medicaid. Greatly scale down your life style. Stop buying alcohol. Eat PBJ and ramen. Hell, the Sikh temple serves a free vegetarian meal to all comers every day. Walk or take public transportation. Cancel your streaming services and use the public library for entertainment. Shop at the thrift store when something breaks or wears out. Sell that new cell phone and gaming system. Get a roommate. Work the gig economy through Uber, Task Rabbit, and Instacart.

My DC did this after leaving a $40k job with benefits a year out of college. We supplemented when truly necessary (a computer repair or travel to interview in another city) Within 6 mos, a new and better position.

You sound like my mother. I was a responsible, hard-working, good kid, and she always thought I had it too easy. I excelled in school, killed myself to do well so as not to disappoint her, and never have her any trouble with teenage rebellion. Yet she’d say stuff like you wrote above too. Fast forward 20+ years and I really resent her for it. I’ve got a good life with kids and she’s not really in it in large part because of this attitude she had. I will not do the same to my kids. A parent’s job is not to make their kid’s life hard when the kid is otherwise responsible, like OP’s kid seems to be. It’s one thing if the kid is like the guy the parents up in Massachusetts had to take to court. That’s not this situation. OP - the transition can be hard. Let your kid come home and give him some space to find his footing. DC is a great place to be a young professional. There are tons of social groups and networking things from sports on the mall to young professionals meet ups. If in a year, he’s in the basement playing video games 24/7, then have a talk. Until then, don’t invent problems where there aren’t any. Don’t be like my mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People sounlike he's some 18 year old.

I would sit him down and tell him that he is a 24 YO adult and he needs to be responsible for his own life.

If he can't even get a serving job he isn't doing something right. Maybe it's time he struggles rather then sitting there asking for handouts from mommy and daddy. Our economy is at the best it's been in the past 50 years, there is no excuse other then spoiled laziness to justify his unemployment.

You also sound like my mother - so se my post above. Don’t follow this advice OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he has taken a lot of blows and needs some support.

If it were my kid, I'd let him come home.

+1 besides, it probably wasn't easy to ask to come home.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids will always have a place in my home if they need it.

DC has a serious health issue, sure.

Unemployed? Apply for unemployment, food stamps, and Medicaid. Greatly scale down your life style. Stop buying alcohol. Eat PBJ and ramen. Hell, the Sikh temple serves a free vegetarian meal to all comers every day. Walk or take public transportation. Cancel your streaming services and use the public library for entertainment. Shop at the thrift store when something breaks or wears out. Sell that new cell phone and gaming system. Get a roommate. Work the gig economy through Uber, Task Rabbit, and Instacart.

My DC did this after leaving a $40k job with benefits a year out of college. We supplemented when truly necessary (a computer repair or travel to interview in another city) Within 6 mos, a new and better position.

You sound like my mother. I was a responsible, hard-working, good kid, and she always thought I had it too easy. I excelled in school, killed myself to do well so as not to disappoint her, and never have her any trouble with teenage rebellion. Yet she’d say stuff like you wrote above too. Fast forward 20+ years and I really resent her for it. I’ve got a good life with kids and she’s not really in it in large part because of this attitude she had. I will not do the same to my kids. A parent’s job is not to make their kid’s life hard when the kid is otherwise responsible, like OP’s kid seems to be. It’s one thing if the kid is like the guy the parents up in Massachusetts had to take to court. That’s not this situation. OP - the transition can be hard. Let your kid come home and give him some space to find his footing. DC is a great place to be a young professional. There are tons of social groups and networking things from sports on the mall to young professionals meet ups. If in a year, he’s in the basement playing video games 24/7, then have a talk. Until then, don’t invent problems where there aren’t any. Don’t be like my mother.

NP. I think if he's in OP's basement playing video games 24/7 even the first day he arrives then there's a problem.

[Anonymous]

Lots of parents making excuses for their kids here. It’s everybody else’s fault, etc. There are plenty of 24 year olds that have figured out how to live by themselves by now, I guess they made it happen instead of making excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he has taken a lot of blows and needs some support.

If it were my kid, I'd let him come home.

+1 besides, it probably wasn't easy to ask to come home.

+2 When they are as independent as your son is and ask to come back home for awhile, they are telling you they need YOU.