Adult Son - WWYD

[Anonymous]

Please state your sons college major? Was it education, accounting computer science? Or was it liberals arts, music or art?

[Anonymous]

I faced this at his age. Not saying this is right for you, bc I don’t know you — my parents let me do this. I was home fr about 3 months looking for a new job. During the World Cup too!

I would watch every single game, and have my laptop in front of me, emailing away; tailoring resumes; hunting job postings; reading about career options and development.

I got a great job, moved out with my own cheap car within a couple of months of finding it. That career path went on and on. 5 yrs later I was making triple, married and putting dh through school . (He is repaying now as he is now the breadwinner lol)

I’m so glad my parents trusted me, let me come home, didn’t judge me. They knew I did not want to stay any longer than I had to.

*there was definitely tension. I think there has to be a little, to remind the kid why they’d rather go live with roommates or whatever. Tension came from them not letting me get too comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Much good advice here about giving him choices ($$ or move) and limits (we will support this for xx time), and here's one more:

If he's in his college town, suggest he go to the career center on campus. That's what they are there for, to help their students find jobs in their field. Doesn't matter if they are seniors, 2 or 20 years out, it is what they do. Could be networking with other alumni to help find a job, could be resume and interview help, could be they have actual jobs and they can set up interviews. It's in their interest to have more of their graduates employed.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he has taken a lot of blows and needs some support.

If it were my kid, I'd let him come home.

[Anonymous]

OP if you live in a city with good jobs, I'd let him live with me for a while, apply for jobs, save some money, get his resume started, and this will help him launch. Set a time period for him to move out, like one year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he has taken a lot of blows and needs some support.

If it were my kid, I'd let him come home.

+1 besides, it probably wasn't easy to ask to come home.

[Anonymous]

If he were my son I would encourage him to look into internships to beef up his resume a bit to hopefully land him a job in his chosen field. If possible I’d financially support him during this time, if I was unable to do that I’d encourage him to move home and look for an internship here. Perhaps he should be looking into graduate programs especially if his degree is in something that requires a more advance degree. I’d be more concerned with him not finding a job in his field and encourage him to do whatever would help land a job in his field even if it was a non paying internship. Obviously if I could afford to support him of course.

[Anonymous]

My kids will always have a place in my home if they need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids will always have a place in my home if they need it.

DC has a serious health issue, sure.

Unemployed? Apply for unemployment, food stamps, and Medicaid. Greatly scale down your life style. Stop buying alcohol. Eat PBJ and ramen. Hell, the Sikh temple serves a free vegetarian meal to all comers every day. Walk or take public transportation. Cancel your streaming services and use the public library for entertainment. Shop at the thrift store when something breaks or wears out. Sell that new cell phone and gaming system. Get a roommate. Work the gig economy through Uber, Task Rabbit, and Instacart.

My DC did this after leaving a $40k job with benefits a year out of college. We supplemented when truly necessary (a computer repair or travel to interview in another city) Within 6 mos, a new and better position.

[Anonymous]

Many other temporary jobs exist so that your son need not rely on the uncertainties of a restaurant’s survival. Road construction, temporary help agencies, even day labor at the Home Depot.
The DC area unemployment rate has fallen to a level that anyone diligently looking will find a job.

[Anonymous]

Would anyone’s answer be different if it was DD vs DS?

[Anonymous]

Any chance your kid wants to come home in order to get away from the city he is in? I went into the Peace Corps to get as far away as I could from a relationship gone bad...maybe your son is trying to breakaway from a romance.

[Anonymous]

Without your assistance he had a full-time serving gig and couldn't live on his on.

The difference with your help won't change anything. You're the only one who doesn't realize this. He's 'proud and independent' so he didn't tell you he was struggling to make ends meet in menial labor.

Which is why he wants to move home. Maybe he thinks he can save up more. Maybe he hopes you'll help him get a 'good' job with connections. Whatever it is, he's not leaving anything spectacular behind from the area he's leaving.

[Anonymous]

I encourage you to consider a timeframe with increasing rent. I’m sure other people of had their children live with them And can offer other tips around expectations. A friend’s child move back home at a minimum wage job, slept late and didn’t engage much as if a high schooler. Setting down rules after the fact is trickier than doing it in advance. Good luck!.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think of it as a long vacation home while he regroups, polishes resume and skills, makes contacts, etc. He sounds like a go-getter so he won’t stay longer than he has to. Just enjoy some bonus time with him.

Exactly. This is why our country has so many problems. This is your son. That doesn't stop because they reach a certain age. If anything I would be a little mad at your husband.