S/O: my husband...did not get hot

[Anonymous]

Man here. What worked for me is when my friends around the same age started getting serious about working out too. Now we'll text each other the "report" it shows on the exercise machine after a workout and so on. Ok it's kind of childish and one-upman-ish, but it works!

[Anonymous]

The OP is not shallow. Being healthy and fit is a huge part of who I am, who my DH is, and who we are together as a couple. If he got fat, he wouldn't be the same person I married. We work out together. We are active together. We married each other knowing that fitness and health were priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My take as a late 30's dude married to a woman with a bikini body that pisses off all the other women at the pool / beach.

- Bodies come in all shapes and sizes. My wife works hard for her body, but she's also naturally built thin, but with C cups. I'm sure she could hypothetically eat her way to a size 16, but she's naturally a very tall size 0 or 2, even when she doesn't work out. When she doesn't work out for months on end (and gains a little weight), the only difference is her butt / thighs get a little saggy.

- Other women I know have had to basically starve themselves to get the same body. They look amazing, but it's not healthy, nor is it sustainable. I dated a girl once that I'm now friends with. Something came up years later about what great physical chemistry we had and what a great body she had (no, not like in comparison to her not having a great body today. I'm not that stupid). Her response was "Yeah, that's because I had a full blown eating disorder and had to seek treatment afterwards..." My sister has massive weight swings, and looks amazing when she's thin, but can never stay there.

- On the guy side, many of us tend to get lazy once we're getting steady affection, sex, have kids, etc. To be honest, it's kind of the "I've already won" mentality, and I know it's not healthy or good for the relationship. I have a pretty great life, and it's really easy to eat and drink too much, especially on business trips (I travel frequently). Couple that with getting sick more often when kids are small (they're always bringing stuff home), which puts a big damper on a workout regimen. And, when traveling / working long hours, and entertaining clients late into the night, it's that much harder to get up and go to the gym at 5am.

- Personally, I've realized that my weight and activity level has a massive impact on my energy level, performance at work, drive to get S done around the house, and sex drive with my wife. I'm also aware that people make professional judgements all the time based on how you look, and an in-shape guy in a slim fit suit is going to do way better with clients, sales, and getting promoted than a pudgy dude in a suit that fits like a pillowcase. These are all big drivers for me. Maybe figure out if you can use any of them as motivators for him. Did he get passed up for a promotion? Feels like he's not where he wants to be at work? Complaining about feeling tired and getting sick a lot? Exercise and diet does wonders for all of that.

- I agree with others that you're going to have to get his butt in gear. Throw out the junk food, chastise him for snacking, make him eat healthier, drink less, etc. I know this is not fun or sexy for a spouse to have to do, and you might feel like his mother, but I'm being pragmatic here.

- From a diet standpoint, you can eat your way through any exercise regimen, so you have to start eating better. That means cutting out snacking, or at least small portions of healthier snacks. Reducing liquid calories (lots of sugar in coffee / soda / tea, alcohol). Making better decisions at restaurants. Ordering a meal, eating half, and taking the rest home. You can help him with this.

- From an activity standpoint, he needs to find one or two activities, and stick with it. I used to hate running, but have found that I really like trail running in the woods, so try to do that up to 5 times a week. I'll go 25 days in a month running 2-4 miles every day and feel great, then disaster will strike. Multiple business trips in a row followed by a long cold and work stress or something. You have to get his body craving it, and get back on the horse when the regimen gets interrupted (which it inevitably will).

- Lifting weights is also a great way for a guy to look better (both with clothes and naked) for pretty minimal work. I bought a bunch of dumbbells and a weight bench, and lift every other day in my basement for like 10-15 minutes. It's super fast, not hard work, my testosterone levels skyrocket (you'll benefit), my wife loves it, and I love it too. It won't give me a six pack (I'm 6'1, 200 lbs), but I'll look a heck of a lot better in a bathing suit.

Not OP. I really enjoyed reading your thoughtful post. I hope you'll post more often. You're like the guy who writes the male point of view in a women's magazine, BUT better! Thanks, buddy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My take as a late 30's dude married to a woman with a bikini body that pisses off all the other women at the pool / beach.

- Bodies come in all shapes and sizes. My wife works hard for her body, but she's also naturally built thin, but with C cups. I'm sure she could hypothetically eat her way to a size 16, but she's naturally a very tall size 0 or 2, even when she doesn't work out. When she doesn't work out for months on end (and gains a little weight), the only difference is her butt / thighs get a little saggy.

- Other women I know have had to basically starve themselves to get the same body. They look amazing, but it's not healthy, nor is it sustainable. I dated a girl once that I'm now friends with. Something came up years later about what great physical chemistry we had and what a great body she had (no, not like in comparison to her not having a great body today. I'm not that stupid). Her response was "Yeah, that's because I had a full blown eating disorder and had to seek treatment afterwards..." My sister has massive weight swings, and looks amazing when she's thin, but can never stay there.

- On the guy side, many of us tend to get lazy once we're getting steady affection, sex, have kids, etc. To be honest, it's kind of the "I've already won" mentality, and I know it's not healthy or good for the relationship. I have a pretty great life, and it's really easy to eat and drink too much, especially on business trips (I travel frequently). Couple that with getting sick more often when kids are small (they're always bringing stuff home), which puts a big damper on a workout regimen. And, when traveling / working long hours, and entertaining clients late into the night, it's that much harder to get up and go to the gym at 5am.

- Personally, I've realized that my weight and activity level has a massive impact on my energy level, performance at work, drive to get S done around the house, and sex drive with my wife. I'm also aware that people make professional judgements all the time based on how you look, and an in-shape guy in a slim fit suit is going to do way better with clients, sales, and getting promoted than a pudgy dude in a suit that fits like a pillowcase. These are all big drivers for me. Maybe figure out if you can use any of them as motivators for him. Did he get passed up for a promotion? Feels like he's not where he wants to be at work? Complaining about feeling tired and getting sick a lot? Exercise and diet does wonders for all of that.

- I agree with others that you're going to have to get his butt in gear. Throw out the junk food, chastise him for snacking, make him eat healthier, drink less, etc. I know this is not fun or sexy for a spouse to have to do, and you might feel like his mother, but I'm being pragmatic here.

- From a diet standpoint, you can eat your way through any exercise regimen, so you have to start eating better. That means cutting out snacking, or at least small portions of healthier snacks. Reducing liquid calories (lots of sugar in coffee / soda / tea, alcohol). Making better decisions at restaurants. Ordering a meal, eating half, and taking the rest home. You can help him with this.

- From an activity standpoint, he needs to find one or two activities, and stick with it. I used to hate running, but have found that I really like trail running in the woods, so try to do that up to 5 times a week. I'll go 25 days in a month running 2-4 miles every day and feel great, then disaster will strike. Multiple business trips in a row followed by a long cold and work stress or something. You have to get his body craving it, and get back on the horse when the regimen gets interrupted (which it inevitably will).

- Lifting weights is also a great way for a guy to look better (both with clothes and naked) for pretty minimal work. I bought a bunch of dumbbells and a weight bench, and lift every other day in my basement for like 10-15 minutes. It's super fast, not hard work, my testosterone levels skyrocket (you'll benefit), my wife loves it, and I love it too. It won't give me a six pack (I'm 6'1, 200 lbs), but I'll look a heck of a lot better in a bathing suit.

This is OP. Wow, that was really insightful / interesting to read - thank you! I completely agree that some people have to work much harder to stay in shape than others, and I am absolutely not expecting him to look like a male swimsuit model. I just want him to be healthy and fit and prioritize staying active. I always hear, "If you don't use it, you lose it" and I really think we're approaching that age.

The bolder paragraphs especially spoke to me. Other PPs seem to think he has depression (and can I absolutely definitively 1000% say that's not what's going on? No.), but I really think you're more on point with the idea that he's settled into a relatively happy and comfortable life and it just stopped being a priority. I think it's less a mental health think and more a thing where he's completely out of the habit of daily exercise and it feels like too much of a PITA to start so he doesn't. I mean, I LOVE working out and don't feel like myself when I take too long off...but even when I've had to take breaks (postpartum, surgery, etc) and have gotten out of the routine, it's something I have to really FORCE myself to do for awhile. We have a good life and are generally happy, and I think

You are SPOT on with the energy thing. Definite catch 22 but one of his biggest excuses is he doesn't have energy to work out / is exhausted by the end of the day (working out in the morning has been suggested but is out of the question - he's not a morning person at ALL). He doesn't work crazy hours or anything, but like everyone is tired by the end of the day + commute, and exercise just keeps getting pushed farther and farther back as a priority.

He is in sales and I think your point about the importance of looking fit as opposed to sloppy is also astute. I don't want it to seem like a dig though...Your advice (and other PPs, with one glaring exception) seems to be to just straight out, and in a supportive manner, bring some of these points up to him.. Yes?

Thanks again for your insight - I agree with PP, you should post more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is like this and he isn't even 40, wait til he is in his 50+. Along with being fat and out of shape, he will have high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, etc. Doctors don't tell you to lose weight because it only makes you look bad, but because there are clear health consequences that will shorten life and significantly negatively affect quality of life.

It is irresponsible to not take care of his health when he has a family. It really isn't just about looks.

Yes, I agree. I guess it scares me to see him so complacent in this "path", and you've articulated why

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My take as a late 30's dude married to a woman with a bikini body that pisses off all the other women at the pool / beach.

- Bodies come in all shapes and sizes. My wife works hard for her body, but she's also naturally built thin, but with C cups. I'm sure she could hypothetically eat her way to a size 16, but she's naturally a very tall size 0 or 2, even when she doesn't work out. When she doesn't work out for months on end (and gains a little weight), the only difference is her butt / thighs get a little saggy.

- Other women I know have had to basically starve themselves to get the same body. They look amazing, but it's not healthy, nor is it sustainable. I dated a girl once that I'm now friends with. Something came up years later about what great physical chemistry we had and what a great body she had (no, not like in comparison to her not having a great body today. I'm not that stupid). Her response was "Yeah, that's because I had a full blown eating disorder and had to seek treatment afterwards..." My sister has massive weight swings, and looks amazing when she's thin, but can never stay there.

- On the guy side, many of us tend to get lazy once we're getting steady affection, sex, have kids, etc. To be honest, it's kind of the "I've already won" mentality, and I know it's not healthy or good for the relationship. I have a pretty great life, and it's really easy to eat and drink too much, especially on business trips (I travel frequently). Couple that with getting sick more often when kids are small (they're always bringing stuff home), which puts a big damper on a workout regimen. And, when traveling / working long hours, and entertaining clients late into the night, it's that much harder to get up and go to the gym at 5am.

- Personally, I've realized that my weight and activity level has a massive impact on my energy level, performance at work, drive to get S done around the house, and sex drive with my wife. I'm also aware that people make professional judgements all the time based on how you look, and an in-shape guy in a slim fit suit is going to do way better with clients, sales, and getting promoted than a pudgy dude in a suit that fits like a pillowcase. These are all big drivers for me. Maybe figure out if you can use any of them as motivators for him. Did he get passed up for a promotion? Feels like he's not where he wants to be at work? Complaining about feeling tired and getting sick a lot? Exercise and diet does wonders for all of that.

- I agree with others that you're going to have to get his butt in gear. Throw out the junk food, chastise him for snacking, make him eat healthier, drink less, etc. I know this is not fun or sexy for a spouse to have to do, and you might feel like his mother, but I'm being pragmatic here.

- From a diet standpoint, you can eat your way through any exercise regimen, so you have to start eating better. That means cutting out snacking, or at least small portions of healthier snacks. Reducing liquid calories (lots of sugar in coffee / soda / tea, alcohol). Making better decisions at restaurants. Ordering a meal, eating half, and taking the rest home. You can help him with this.

- From an activity standpoint, he needs to find one or two activities, and stick with it. I used to hate running, but have found that I really like trail running in the woods, so try to do that up to 5 times a week. I'll go 25 days in a month running 2-4 miles every day and feel great, then disaster will strike. Multiple business trips in a row followed by a long cold and work stress or something. You have to get his body craving it, and get back on the horse when the regimen gets interrupted (which it inevitably will).

- Lifting weights is also a great way for a guy to look better (both with clothes and naked) for pretty minimal work. I bought a bunch of dumbbells and a weight bench, and lift every other day in my basement for like 10-15 minutes. It's super fast, not hard work, my testosterone levels skyrocket (you'll benefit), my wife loves it, and I love it too. It won't give me a six pack (I'm 6'1, 200 lbs), but I'll look a heck of a lot better in a bathing suit.

Not OP. I really enjoyed reading your thoughtful post. I hope you'll post more often. You're like the guy who writes the male point of view in a women's magazine, BUT better! Thanks, buddy!

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My take as a late 30's dude married to a woman with a bikini body that pisses off all the other women at the pool / beach.

- Bodies come in all shapes and sizes. My wife works hard for her body, but she's also naturally built thin, but with C cups. I'm sure she could hypothetically eat her way to a size 16, but she's naturally a very tall size 0 or 2, even when she doesn't work out. When she doesn't work out for months on end (and gains a little weight), the only difference is her butt / thighs get a little saggy.

- Other women I know have had to basically starve themselves to get the same body. They look amazing, but it's not healthy, nor is it sustainable. I dated a girl once that I'm now friends with. Something came up years later about what great physical chemistry we had and what a great body she had (no, not like in comparison to her not having a great body today. I'm not that stupid). Her response was "Yeah, that's because I had a full blown eating disorder and had to seek treatment afterwards..." My sister has massive weight swings, and looks amazing when she's thin, but can never stay there.

- On the guy side, many of us tend to get lazy once we're getting steady affection, sex, have kids, etc. To be honest, it's kind of the "I've already won" mentality, and I know it's not healthy or good for the relationship. I have a pretty great life, and it's really easy to eat and drink too much, especially on business trips (I travel frequently). Couple that with getting sick more often when kids are small (they're always bringing stuff home), which puts a big damper on a workout regimen. And, when traveling / working long hours, and entertaining clients late into the night, it's that much harder to get up and go to the gym at 5am.

- Personally, I've realized that my weight and activity level has a massive impact on my energy level, performance at work, drive to get S done around the house, and sex drive with my wife. I'm also aware that people make professional judgements all the time based on how you look, and an in-shape guy in a slim fit suit is going to do way better with clients, sales, and getting promoted than a pudgy dude in a suit that fits like a pillowcase. These are all big drivers for me. Maybe figure out if you can use any of them as motivators for him. Did he get passed up for a promotion? Feels like he's not where he wants to be at work? Complaining about feeling tired and getting sick a lot? Exercise and diet does wonders for all of that.

- I agree with others that you're going to have to get his butt in gear. Throw out the junk food, chastise him for snacking, make him eat healthier, drink less, etc. I know this is not fun or sexy for a spouse to have to do, and you might feel like his mother, but I'm being pragmatic here.

- From a diet standpoint, you can eat your way through any exercise regimen, so you have to start eating better. That means cutting out snacking, or at least small portions of healthier snacks. Reducing liquid calories (lots of sugar in coffee / soda / tea, alcohol). Making better decisions at restaurants. Ordering a meal, eating half, and taking the rest home. You can help him with this.

- From an activity standpoint, he needs to find one or two activities, and stick with it. I used to hate running, but have found that I really like trail running in the woods, so try to do that up to 5 times a week. I'll go 25 days in a month running 2-4 miles every day and feel great, then disaster will strike. Multiple business trips in a row followed by a long cold and work stress or something. You have to get his body craving it, and get back on the horse when the regimen gets interrupted (which it inevitably will).

- Lifting weights is also a great way for a guy to look better (both with clothes and naked) for pretty minimal work. I bought a bunch of dumbbells and a weight bench, and lift every other day in my basement for like 10-15 minutes. It's super fast, not hard work, my testosterone levels skyrocket (you'll benefit), my wife loves it, and I love it too. It won't give me a six pack (I'm 6'1, 200 lbs), but I'll look a heck of a lot better in a bathing suit.

This is OP. Wow, that was really insightful / interesting to read - thank you! I completely agree that some people have to work much harder to stay in shape than others, and I am absolutely not expecting him to look like a male swimsuit model. I just want him to be healthy and fit and prioritize staying active. I always hear, "If you don't use it, you lose it" and I really think we're approaching that age.

The bolder paragraphs especially spoke to me. Other PPs seem to think he has depression (and can I absolutely definitively 1000% say that's not what's going on? No.), but I really think you're more on point with the idea that he's settled into a relatively happy and comfortable life and it just stopped being a priority. I think it's less a mental health think and more a thing where he's completely out of the habit of daily exercise and it feels like too much of a PITA to start so he doesn't. I mean, I LOVE working out and don't feel like myself when I take too long off...but even when I've had to take breaks (postpartum, surgery, etc) and have gotten out of the routine, it's something I have to really FORCE myself to do for awhile. We have a good life and are generally happy, and I think

You are SPOT on with the energy thing. Definite catch 22 but one of his biggest excuses is he doesn't have energy to work out / is exhausted by the end of the day (working out in the morning has been suggested but is out of the question - he's not a morning person at ALL). He doesn't work crazy hours or anything, but like everyone is tired by the end of the day + commute, and exercise just keeps getting pushed farther and farther back as a priority.

He is in sales and I think your point about the importance of looking fit as opposed to sloppy is also astute. I don't want it to seem like a dig though...Your advice (and other PPs, with one glaring exception) seems to be to just straight out, and in a supportive manner, bring some of these points up to him.. Yes?

Thanks again for your insight - I agree with PP, you should post more

Thanks! A couple of other quick thoughts / reactions:

- This is pretty personal, but a big motivator for me has been my sex life with my wife. She has always orgasmed extremely easily from pretty much anything I did (including straight PIV). Sex life was great in our 20's pre-kids, and I took pride in that. I'm one of those guys that derives sexual satisfaction from pleasing my partner rather than just having an orgasm. When kid #1 was born (around the age of 30), I was in the best shape of my life, and doing triathlons. Sex life took the normal hit in the first year, not just for my wife, but also my drive (most people don't know this, but a man's testosterone will drop by around 30% with a baby around). Not sexless, but not high volume either. My workouts also slowed way down due to the new baby and not getting sleep.

We were on the upswing when baby #2 arrived 4 years later, and since then (#2 is now 3), sex life has been up and down. Wife's drive is definitely down, energy levels are lower all around, we're busier with 2 kids, and careers are higher level with more responsibility. I had gone from 180 to 210 slowly over 6 or 7 years. I'm 6'1, so 210 is not man-boob territory, but it's not lean either. I basically went from Chris Pratt in Guardians of the Galaxy more toward Chris Pratt in Parks & Recreation (although not that bad). I wasn't happy with sex 3x per month, and sometimes going 3 weeks without.

So, motivated by that (along with the other things I mentioned earlier) 2 years ago I started trail running and lifting weights, and have dropped a waist size (36 inch to 34 inch), about 10 pounds, and packed back on a lot of upper body muscle. Wife loves it, I feel great in a swimsuit (even if I could lose another 10 pounds), bought a bunch of new work clothes (all very fitted), etc. Coworkers have commented how good I look.

I'm not suggesting withholding sex, but my wife makes sure to ogle me, touch my muscles (and like you wrote, it's nothing extreme, no 6 pack, but much better than 2 years ago), constantly tell me how proud she is of my working out, etc. I was frustrated about the sex issue (as so many men seem to be on DCUM), and focusing on fitness was one of the few ways I could try to directly improve it. I'm sure if my wife were writing this she would say that I'm motivated by the carrot (the carrot here being her expressing her attraction to me both verbally and physically).

- I'm also a big believer that both fitness and sex drive are training your body to want something. Both release endorphins in your brain, and do them enough, and your body will get use to and crave those endorphins. If I can get into a groove with working out, I crave it. It's still hard physically, but I stop dreading doing it, and look forward to it. I know I'll feel better afterwards, and enjoy the runner's high. I think sex is the same way. If I can get my wife to do it a few days in a row, suddenly she starts initiating more and rejecting me less. They key is that life will push you off the wagon (in both areas), and you have to push back through the inertia of not working out or having sex to get the virtuous cycle going again.

- Lastly, I agree with others about having very candid, blunt conversations with him. Guys will stick their head in the sand / avoid / put off stuff they don't like. Especially if they know fixing it is going to be a lot of work. I recommend you do not make it about your lack of attraction to him (guys have fragile egos), but do make it about how much you love him when he's in shape, has muscles, etc. Make it as much about the carrot ("Our lives would be so much better if we both were super healthy, active, and fit") as possible. But also be there and be firm to not let him backslide. A couple of times, my wife has done stuff like thrown away junk food that has made its way into our house, or pushed me to throw it away.

If he has bad eating habits, do as much to support him improving them as possible. Too often, spouses intentionally or unintentionally sabotage their partners in this. There's times where I will have been working out all week, and am thinking I should eat a salad for dinner, and my wife is like "I'm just craving a cheeseburgers, fries, and an oreo milkshake". That's hard to say no to. Or just like many people she likes to eat ice cream on a Saturday night when watching a movie. She can get away with that more than I can, both because she probably does a better job of limiting her calories earlier in the day (maybe she had yogurt and almonds for lunch), and because she's in such good shape (that she can cheat occasionally and not worry about it). Be prepared that you might have to be more careful about your eating habits, even if not necessary for your own fitness, to support him. If you have to buy oreos occasionally, maybe hide them and eat them when he's not around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you guys go to the gym together? Take a walk after dinner every night? Go hiking? Take a dance class? Tell him, "When we met, you really prioritized being active, and I loved that. I feel like we don't do those things together anymore, and I miss them. What sounds fun to you?"

Unfortunately we have young kids so hitting the gym together on a daily basis isn't really an option. I much prefer working out in a gym, but have mostly relied on at home workouts lately for convenience reasons. I invited him to join me (and don't even have a problem with him hitting the gym post-dinner), but he just wants to sit in the couch and veg.

Wait...who with little kids sits on the couch to veg post dinner? Don't you guys do the whole bath/stories/bed routine? Honestly, I think getting to skip out on the tooth brushing night fight with a three year old would be enough to make most people go to the gym.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. What worked for me is when my friends around the same age started getting serious about working out too. Now we'll text each other the "report" it shows on the exercise machine after a workout and so on. Ok it's kind of childish and one-upman-ish, but it works!

Try Strava and trash talk each other’s “suffer score”

[Anonymous]

My dad had a heart attack when I was ten. Can remember it like it was yesterday. I am older than OPs DH and work odd every day - bike, weights on alternate days, kick box, etc. I leave in fear that If I don't I will feel the pain that my father did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you guys go to the gym together? Take a walk after dinner every night? Go hiking? Take a dance class? Tell him, "When we met, you really prioritized being active, and I loved that. I feel like we don't do those things together anymore, and I miss them. What sounds fun to you?"

Unfortunately we have young kids so hitting the gym together on a daily basis isn't really an option. I much prefer working out in a gym, but have mostly relied on at home workouts lately for convenience reasons. I invited him to join me (and don't even have a problem with him hitting the gym post-dinner), but he just wants to sit in the couch and veg.

Wait...who with little kids sits on the couch to veg post dinner? Don't you guys do the whole bath/stories/bed routine? Honestly, I think getting to skip out on the tooth brushing night fight with a three year old would be enough to make most people go to the gym.

NP. My DH hits the couch to veg after dinner (around 730) and remains there until his bedtime at 10ish. I do the bedtime routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds depressed and you sound very self absorbed.

Which is the chicken and which the egg?

[Anonymous]

Give DH a goal weight. Tell him no more sex until he reaches it. If he does reach it, promise him whatever fantasy sex he has always wanted but you normally won't agree to. The pounds will fall away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give DH a goal weight. Tell him no more sex until he reaches it. If he does reach it, promise him whatever fantasy sex he has always wanted but you normally won't agree to. The pounds will fall away.

Reverse the genders and think about how that would play out. "Hey honey, you're 5'4 and should be 120 lbs. lose the 15 lbs of extra fat and I'll go downtown on your p*ssy for hours. Until then, nothing". What does the DW do? Co e here and give a one-sided story f how her DH called her fat.

So just STFU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give DH a goal weight. Tell him no more sex until he reaches it. If he does reach it, promise him whatever fantasy sex he has always wanted but you normally won't agree to. The pounds will fall away.

Reverse the genders and think about how that would play out. "Hey honey, you're 5'4 and should be 120 lbs. lose the 15 lbs of extra fat and I'll go downtown on your p*ssy for hours. Until then, nothing". What does the DW do? Co e here and give a one-sided story f how her DH called her fat.

So just STFU.

I am the PP. I am a man. I agree it plays differently if you reverse the genders. Newsflash: Men and women are different.

Give a man strong incentives with concrete, easy to understand rewards, and chances are he will respond.