Girlfriend Unsure of Having Kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

Wow. Are you always this self-centered?

Of course you are...

Not sure why I am self centered when I was pressured relentlessly to have a kid when I was told prior to marriage that kids were not a dealbreaker for him. He pullled a bait and switch—and I am the one who is self-centered?

I don't think you are self centered but you are also not blameless in your situation. You could have divorced him the second he pressured you to get off the pill

[Anonymous]

I don't understand this wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth by people who profess to not want children yet allow themselves to be pressured into them. You have medical options. Why not get a tubal ligation or vasectomy and be done? No need for pressure or agonizing discussion, just eliminate the possibility from the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth by people who profess to not want children yet allow themselves to be pressured into them. You have medical options. Why not get a tubal ligation or vasectomy and be done? No need for pressure or agonizing discussion, just eliminate the possibility from the beginning.

Because doctors will often refuse to do a tubal ligation on women who have not had children and are of child bearing years.

[canadaman815]

This sounds like a difficult situation, and one that I can somewhat relate to within my marriage (minus the fertility issues). Having kids is a huge decision and huge responsibility, and so it's very important to understand each others' feelings on the matter and be able to arrive at a consensus over time. Have you considered couples counseling to help you both talk more honestly about your feelings on the matter? You will also need to come to a decision about how committed you are to her; do you care about kids more than her, or does she satisfy you regardless of whether you end up having or adopting kids? Do you prioritize marriage over your future goals, or vice versa? You may need more time to think about questions like that, but they are definitely important to consider. Praying it becomes easier for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

NP. Wow, this is my exact situation. I had the first kid under unrelenting pressure from DH. He turned on the pressure for #2 as well and I decided I wanted to give DS a sibling. I love the kids. But DH? Every time I think of the life I have now versus the life I could have had, I hate his guts. Our marriage is sexless, acrimonious and I’m going to cheat as soon as I think I can get away with it.

PP here. Wow that you have the same story. I love the kids...but I resent DH. It is really difficult to stay married but I am trapped and it seems best for kids to stay,

I’m the PP who responded that I am in the exact same situation. I wonder how many of us are out there. I hate being a working mom of two. I miss my old life so badly. And I do feel trapped. A two-parent home is probably better for the kids, but I hate my current life so much. Splitting custody and getting some child-free days each week would be so great, gosh.

PP again. I have actually told my DH I would have more free time if we were divorced. I hear you. But for the kids both of us together is better. It totally sucks.

This site us a great insight into the female I'd.

Dump, OP, ASAP, otherwise you'll end up divorced from one of these adulterous ice fiends. And of course they'll still push for custody and child support just to #%^* with you even though they hate their own offspring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth by people who profess to not want children yet allow themselves to be pressured into them. You have medical options. Why not get a tubal ligation or vasectomy and be done? No need for pressure or agonizing discussion, just eliminate the possibility from the beginning.

Because doctors will often refuse to do a tubal ligation on women who have not had children and are of child bearing years.

Same for Men who want a Vasectomy. Even at 45 years old they want my wife's consent for me to get snipped...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth by people who profess to not want children yet allow themselves to be pressured into them. You have medical options. Why not get a tubal ligation or vasectomy and be done? No need for pressure or agonizing discussion, just eliminate the possibility from the beginning.

Because doctors will often refuse to do a tubal ligation on women who have not had children and are of child bearing years.

Same for Men who want a Vasectomy. Even at 45 years old they want my wife's consent for me to get snipped...

Funny, my doc didn't need anyone's OK but mine to do a tubal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave. Plenty of women your age looking for sperm donors and wallets. No need to run her life just so you can have a few Kodak moments.

+1

Tell her what you want ideally, let her know it's a deal-breaker, and leave so she can find someone more suited for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

NP. Wow, this is my exact situation. I had the first kid under unrelenting pressure from DH. He turned on the pressure for #2 as well and I decided I wanted to give DS a sibling. I love the kids. But DH? Every time I think of the life I have now versus the life I could have had, I hate his guts. Our marriage is sexless, acrimonious and I’m going to cheat as soon as I think I can get away with it.

PP here. Wow that you have the same story. I love the kids...but I resent DH. It is really difficult to stay married but I am trapped and it seems best for kids to stay,

I’m the PP who responded that I am in the exact same situation. I wonder how many of us are out there. I hate being a working mom of two. I miss my old life so badly. And I do feel trapped. A two-parent home is probably better for the kids, but I hate my current life so much. Splitting custody and getting some child-free days each week would be so great, gosh.

Wow. Sorry to derail the thread, but brave of you two to acknowledge your situation. I hope you find the happiness and lives you deserve, and it's not at all selfish to want that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth by people who profess to not want children yet allow themselves to be pressured into them. You have medical options. Why not get a tubal ligation or vasectomy and be done? No need for pressure or agonizing discussion, just eliminate the possibility from the beginning.

Because doctors will often refuse to do a tubal ligation on women who have not had children and are of child bearing years.

+1

It is very, very difficult for a woman to get this done. Most doctors refuse to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave. Plenty of women your age looking for sperm donors and wallets. No need to run her life just so you can have a few Kodak moments.

+1

Tell her what you want ideally, let her know it's a deal-breaker, and leave so she can find someone more suited for her.

You’re not compatible, on the most basic of levels. There’s nothing “wrong”mwith eithe of you.. you’re just truly not compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

NP. Wow, this is my exact situation. I had the first kid under unrelenting pressure from DH. He turned on the pressure for #2 as well and I decided I wanted to give DS a sibling. I love the kids. But DH? Every time I think of the life I have now versus the life I could have had, I hate his guts. Our marriage is sexless, acrimonious and I’m going to cheat as soon as I think I can get away with it.

PP here. Wow that you have the same story. I love the kids...but I resent DH. It is really difficult to stay married but I am trapped and it seems best for kids to stay,

I’m the PP who responded that I am in the exact same situation. I wonder how many of us are out there. I hate being a working mom of two. I miss my old life so badly. And I do feel trapped. A two-parent home is probably better for the kids, but I hate my current life so much. Splitting custody and getting some child-free days each week would be so great, gosh.

PP again. I have actually told my DH I would have more free time if we were divorced. I hear you. But for the kids both of us together is better. It totally sucks.

This site us a great insight into the female I'd.

Dump, OP, ASAP, otherwise you'll end up divorced from one of these adulterous ice fiends. And of course they'll still push for custody and child support just to #%^* with you even though they hate their own offspring.

No, they hate their husbands. Try to keep up.

[Anonymous]

I would be very hesitant as you need to be fully committed, not 75% committed. If you got married and then she decided "no" you'd have a big problem. My brother married a woman who was hesitant about having kids and then after they were married said no. They got divorced.

[BigD]

I would consider yourself very fortunate to be with a woman that has been exposed to the horror of kids without having any. Perhaps you should listen to her experience. What is your desire to have kids based on? Seeing other people with kids? Family? Friends? Take care of a baby / 2 year old / 6 year old, for week and tell me if you still feel the same way.

Do yourself a favor and travel the world with her, enjoy your life and be grateful you have found a woman that isn't going to pressure you into having kids and ruin your life and marriage in the process.

The vast majority of women are socially and biologically brainwashed to want kids. Most men aren't from a biological standpoint, however socially we do get pressure but not in the same way or to the same extent. Most men that have kids bought into the notion of extending their bloodline or just simply do it to make their wives happy and it seems like something between the two of you that you can share etc etc..yada yada.

That, however, will all go out the window the second the kid is born, her body is a wreck and you now have a screaming baby (or more) to take care of. Having kids can be a rewarding experience but you will sacrifice your own life a great deal for them. Anyone that tells you it's worth it has kids and is unable to face the truth. It's not worth it and we're not exactly short on people on planet Earth. Everyone I know that has kids makes passive-aggressive remarks about my childless-by-choice friends while those friends tell stories of all the places they're going to visit this year, the parties they went to at the weekend and ...wait for it.... just leaving the house to go somewhere without a second thought.

What you're complaining about is something that 95% of men with kids wish they had and 80% of women with kids wish they were.

Just the cold truth is all...

Also consider this - what if you do decide to have a child and she get's pregnant and it's twins or more. This is very common these days especially if she needs fertility treatment. Are you going to abort one/two of them? Are you ready for 3 babies?

[Anonymous]

PP, there is a reason why people like you don't breed.