Girlfriend Unsure of Having Kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

Wow. Are you always this self-centered?

Of course you are...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

NP. Wow, this is my exact situation. I had the first kid under unrelenting pressure from DH. He turned on the pressure for #2 as well and I decided I wanted to give DS a sibling. I love the kids. But DH? Every time I think of the life I have now versus the life I could have had, I hate his guts. Our marriage is sexless, acrimonious and I’m going to cheat as soon as I think I can get away with it.

PP here. Wow that you have the same story. I love the kids...but I resent DH. It is really difficult to stay married but I am trapped and it seems best for kids to stay,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

NP. Wow, this is my exact situation. I had the first kid under unrelenting pressure from DH. He turned on the pressure for #2 as well and I decided I wanted to give DS a sibling. I love the kids. But DH? Every time I think of the life I have now versus the life I could have had, I hate his guts. Our marriage is sexless, acrimonious and I’m going to cheat as soon as I think I can get away with it.

PP here. Wow that you have the same story. I love the kids...but I resent DH. It is really difficult to stay married but I am trapped and it seems best for kids to stay,

I’m the PP who responded that I am in the exact same situation. I wonder how many of us are out there. I hate being a working mom of two. I miss my old life so badly. And I do feel trapped. A two-parent home is probably better for the kids, but I hate my current life so much. Splitting custody and getting some child-free days each week would be so great, gosh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

Wow. Are you always this self-centered?

Of course you are...

Not sure why I am self centered when I was pressured relentlessly to have a kid when I was told prior to marriage that kids were not a dealbreaker for him. He pullled a bait and switch—and I am the one who is self-centered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

Wow. Are you always this self-centered?

Of course you are...

Oh, sod off. We all have only one life to live, and we should live it the way we want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

Wow. Are you always this self-centered?

Of course you are...

Not sure why I am self centered when I was pressured relentlessly to have a kid when I was told prior to marriage that kids were not a dealbreaker for him. He pullled a bait and switch—and I am the one who is self-centered?

Ignore this idiot. Narcissists are always insulted that women don’t want to be brood mares. How dare we be fulfilled without kids???

[Anonymous]

OP, how much experience do you have with kids? I don't mean babysitting a 6 year old for an hour. But do you have hands on experience with infants? Toddlers? Kids and tweens?

Because even though a lot of men say they will absolutely step up and get involved 50/50, the majority of the work tends to fall to a mom/woman, 90% of the time.

If you want to have kids without having much hands on experience, I strongly urge you to get your feet wet first. Spends lots of time with the kids of your siblings, friends, colleagues, etc. Know exactly what you want to get yourself into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

NP. Wow, this is my exact situation. I had the first kid under unrelenting pressure from DH. He turned on the pressure for #2 as well and I decided I wanted to give DS a sibling. I love the kids. But DH? Every time I think of the life I have now versus the life I could have had, I hate his guts. Our marriage is sexless, acrimonious and I’m going to cheat as soon as I think I can get away with it.

PP here. Wow that you have the same story. I love the kids...but I resent DH. It is really difficult to stay married but I am trapped and it seems best for kids to stay,

I’m the PP who responded that I am in the exact same situation. I wonder how many of us are out there. I hate being a working mom of two. I miss my old life so badly. And I do feel trapped. A two-parent home is probably better for the kids, but I hate my current life so much. Splitting custody and getting some child-free days each week would be so great, gosh.

PP again. I have actually told my DH I would have more free time if we were divorced. I hear you. But for the kids both of us together is better. It totally sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

Wow. Are you always this self-centered?

Of course you are...

Not sure why I am self centered when I was pressured relentlessly to have a kid when I was told prior to marriage that kids were not a dealbreaker for him. He pullled a bait and switch—and I am the one who is self-centered?

Ignore this idiot. Narcissists are always insulted that women don’t want to be brood mares. How dare we be fulfilled without kids???

Why not wait (until after childbearing years) to marry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

NP. Wow, this is my exact situation. I had the first kid under unrelenting pressure from DH. He turned on the pressure for #2 as well and I decided I wanted to give DS a sibling. I love the kids. But DH? Every time I think of the life I have now versus the life I could have had, I hate his guts. Our marriage is sexless, acrimonious and I’m going to cheat as soon as I think I can get away with it.

PP here. Wow that you have the same story. I love the kids...but I resent DH. It is really difficult to stay married but I am trapped and it seems best for kids to stay,

I’m the PP who responded that I am in the exact same situation. I wonder how many of us are out there. I hate being a working mom of two. I miss my old life so badly. And I do feel trapped. A two-parent home is probably better for the kids, but I hate my current life so much. Splitting custody and getting some child-free days each week would be so great, gosh.

PP again. I have actually told my DH I would have more free time if we were divorced. I hear you. But for the kids both of us together is better. It totally sucks.

I am going to ramp up the nanny’s hours and enjoy the free time. I’ll stay in the marriage for the kids, but I’m not going to let my youth pass me by completely for DH’s vision of a good life. F-ck that guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

Wow. Are you always this self-centered?

Of course you are...

Not sure why I am self centered when I was pressured relentlessly to have a kid when I was told prior to marriage that kids were not a dealbreaker for him. He pullled a bait and switch—and I am the one who is self-centered?

Ignore this idiot. Narcissists are always insulted that women don’t want to be brood mares. How dare we be fulfilled without kids???

Why not wait (until after childbearing years) to marry?

Why should marriage be dictated by fertility?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how much experience do you have with kids? I don't mean babysitting a 6 year old for an hour. But do you have hands on experience with infants? Toddlers? Kids and tweens?

Because even though a lot of men say they will absolutely step up and get involved 50/50, the majority of the work tends to fall to a mom/woman, 90% of the time.

If you want to have kids without having much hands on experience, I strongly urge you to get your feet wet first. Spends lots of time with the kids of your siblings, friends, colleagues, etc. Know exactly what you want to get yourself into.

Maybe he wants to be the primary breadwinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how much experience do you have with kids? I don't mean babysitting a 6 year old for an hour. But do you have hands on experience with infants? Toddlers? Kids and tweens?

Because even though a lot of men say they will absolutely step up and get involved 50/50, the majority of the work tends to fall to a mom/woman, 90% of the time.

If you want to have kids without having much hands on experience, I strongly urge you to get your feet wet first. Spends lots of time with the kids of your siblings, friends, colleagues, etc. Know exactly what you want to get yourself into.

Maybe he wants to be the primary breadwinner?

So, he puts in 8-10 hours at the office each day and gets to check out while his wife does 24/7 childcare? That there are still men who think that’s a fair division of labor tells you what a bad deal heterosexual marriage is for women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

Wow. Are you always this self-centered?

Of course you are...

Not sure why I am self centered when I was pressured relentlessly to have a kid when I was told prior to marriage that kids were not a dealbreaker for him. He pullled a bait and switch—and I am the one who is self-centered?

Ignore this idiot. Narcissists are always insulted that women don’t want to be brood mares. How dare we be fulfilled without kids???

Why not wait (until after childbearing years) to marry?

Why should marriage be dictated by fertility?

If you're afraid of getting pressured into parenthood, what do you suggest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:End it. I asked my husband if Kids was a dealbreaker when we were dating. I told him I was not sure I ever would want them and wanted to know if he needed to have kids. He said no so I married him. After a year of marriage, he pressured me constantly to get off the pill. First time of unprotected sex I got pregnant. We have two kids now and most of our marriage has been sexless. We are not happily married and I am strongly considering divorce.

Wow. Are you always this self-centered?

Of course you are...

Not sure why I am self centered when I was pressured relentlessly to have a kid when I was told prior to marriage that kids were not a dealbreaker for him. He pullled a bait and switch—and I am the one who is self-centered?

Ignore this idiot. Narcissists are always insulted that women don’t want to be brood mares. How dare we be fulfilled without kids???

Why not wait (until after childbearing years) to marry?

Why should marriage be dictated by fertility?

If you're afraid of getting pressured into parenthood, what do you suggest?

Marry someone who 150% does not want kids. If they hem and haw, move on.