Lessons Learned: What signs did you look for the second time around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thigh gap - first wife put on a lot of weight with kids
Earner - I didn't want the single provider stress
10 years younger so our libidos? matched a little better

you suck and are incredibly superficial.
you should have worked at it.
I hope you eventually seek forgiveness for being a complete jerk

How is this different from the women who said they wanted their second husband to be physically fit, have a good job, and want sex? Are those women superficial jerks too?

Frankly, "fit, employed, and interested in sex" are not unreasonable requirements in a spouse.

I'm not the PP you're responding to, but "thigh gap" and "prioritizes health" are not equivalent. Especially considering he goes on to say she gained weight from having his kids. If you don't see what's superficial about that, I can't help you.

DP, but it sounds like he wants a woman who is naturally somewhat skinny. Sure it's superficial but so what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thigh gap - first wife put on a lot of weight with kids
Earner - I didn't want the single provider stress
10 years younger so our libidos? matched a little better

you suck and are incredibly superficial.
you should have worked at it.
I hope you eventually seek forgiveness for being a complete jerk

How is this different from the women who said they wanted their second husband to be physically fit, have a good job, and want sex? Are those women superficial jerks too?

Frankly, "fit, employed, and interested in sex" are not unreasonable requirements in a spouse.

I'm not the PP you're responding to, but "thigh gap" and "prioritizes health" are not equivalent. Especially considering he goes on to say she gained weight from having his kids. If you don't see what's superficial about that, I can't help you.

Another NP. We’re not talking about his current online dating habits. We’re talking about how he thinks his wife getting “fat” was sufficient reason to break up his marriage, even though he had kids with this poor woman. Also, he makes it sound like “fat” means a size 12 because she doesn’t have a thigh gap.

Yes, he is a horrible human being. I bet he’s one of the jerks here bragging about smashing with 20-somethings (as if anybody here believes that, but I digress).

If she prioritized health, she would be fit and would not have a thigh gap.

The source of the weight gain is irrelevant. When women gain weight from having kids, they are just as obligated to take it off as a guy who gained weight from drinking beer.

The point is, it’s not worth breaking up a marriage with kids.

Not PP, but how do you get the impression that that is the only reason the marriage broke up? You're willfully ignoring the other things written.

[Anonymous]

Higher earner
Good kind family
Emotional maturity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Higher earner

Hotter and younger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thigh gap - first wife put on a lot of weight with kids
Earner - I didn't want the single provider stress
10 years younger so our libidos? matched a little better

you suck and are incredibly superficial.
you should have worked at it.
I hope you eventually seek forgiveness for being a complete jerk

How is this different from the women who said they wanted their second husband to be physically fit, have a good job, and want sex? Are those women superficial jerks too?

Frankly, "fit, employed, and interested in sex" are not unreasonable requirements in a spouse.

I'm not the PP you're responding to, but "thigh gap" and "prioritizes health" are not equivalent. Especially considering he goes on to say she gained weight from having his kids. If you don't see what's superficial about that, I can't help you.

Another NP. We’re not talking about his current online dating habits. We’re talking about how he thinks his wife getting “fat” was sufficient reason to break up his marriage, even though he had kids with this poor woman. Also, he makes it sound like “fat” means a size 12 because she doesn’t have a thigh gap.

Yes, he is a horrible human being. I bet he’s one of the jerks here bragging about smashing with 20-somethings (as if anybody here believes that, but I digress).

If she prioritized health, she would be fit and would not have a thigh gap.

The source of the weight gain is irrelevant. When women gain weight from having kids, they are just as obligated to take it off as a guy who gained weight from drinking beer.

Except that’s not at all true. I prioritize my health, and lift weights twice a week, plus do cardio, and thigh gap is just not going to happen. My BMI is normal, and I’m very fit and strong - I look amazing really. But thigh gap? Not happening. My thighs touch. Always have, always will.

[Anonymous]

You can be overweight with thigh gap. I see plenty of women with wide hips and thigh gap.

[Anonymous]

Someone who is mentally healthy and has no anger issues, or at least has fewer unresolved anger problems.
Someone whose parents had a healthy relationship, including healthy communication and affection (as opposed to none).
Someone who deals with any baggage from their birth family (especially if abuse took place), and doesn't try to put any of their baggage (stuff that happened before I was in the picture) on me.
Someone who doesn't gaslight/play passive aggressive games.
Someone who doesn't see me as their scapegoat; and is willing to get mental help if they need it, instead of burdening me with what happened (or what thy think happened) to them.
Someone who knows how to communicate.
Someone with a sense of humor, likes to have fun and enjoy themselves and likes us to have fun together, and doesn't take themselves too seriously all the time.

[Anonymous]

If a woman can't have an orgasm by herself, it is a big red flag. If she she doesn't know her own body. Big red flag. She will be a burden and it will get an order of magnitude worse after children are born.

[Anonymous]

Traits that signal narcissism/co-dependency. Hidden laziness.

[Anonymous]

Someone who is on my side

Considers sex a priority

Has intellectual curiosity

[Anonymous]

Someone whose flaws meshed with my flaws.

Someone who didn’t care that we were both flawed.

[Anonymous]

Mine were attractiveness, healthy lifestyle/dedication to fitness and person who I thought could be faithful (first wife cheated).

[Anonymous]

A woman with a really healthy sense of the importance of sex to a relationship. Fun, committed, not neurotic and worried all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone who is mentally healthy and has no anger issues, or at least has fewer unresolved anger problems.
Someone whose parents had a healthy relationship, including healthy communication and affection (as opposed to none).
Someone who deals with any baggage from their birth family (especially if abuse took place), and doesn't try to put any of their baggage (stuff that happened before I was in the picture) on me.
Someone who doesn't gaslight/play passive aggressive games.
Someone who doesn't see me as their scapegoat; and is willing to get mental help if they need it, instead of burdening me with what happened (or what thy think happened) to them.
Someone who knows how to communicate.
Someone with a sense of humor, likes to have fun and enjoy themselves and likes us to have fun together, and doesn't take themselves too seriously all the time.

this is all called "healthy communication." no games, no PA, no gaslighting, no anger, no blame game, no victim playing, no dumping on others. can speak with parents, affectionate, ability to communicate, have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone who is mentally healthy and has no anger issues, or at least has fewer unresolved anger problems.
Someone whose parents had a healthy relationship, including healthy communication and affection (as opposed to none).
Someone who deals with any baggage from their birth family (especially if abuse took place), and doesn't try to put any of their baggage (stuff that happened before I was in the picture) on me.
Someone who doesn't gaslight/play passive aggressive games.
Someone who doesn't see me as their scapegoat; and is willing to get mental help if they need it, instead of burdening me with what happened (or what thy think happened) to them.
Someone who knows how to communicate.
Someone with a sense of humor, likes to have fun and enjoy themselves and likes us to have fun together, and doesn't take themselves too seriously all the time.

this is all called "healthy communication." no games, no PA, no gaslighting, no anger, no blame game, no victim playing, no dumping on others. can speak with parents, affectionate, ability to communicate, have fun.

+1

Sucks that some people come from effed up families, and try to carry on that behavior, instead of getting help.