Lessons Learned: What signs did you look for the second time around?
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Anonymous
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For those of you in happy, peaceful second marriages, what are the qualities that you looked for in a spouse and why?
For example: Higher-earning spouse Dedication to physical fitness |
Anonymous
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Never tolerate lies about anything, not even the smallest lie.
Watch behaviour, ignore words. Does he actually put me and my interests before his own? |
Anonymous
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Thigh gap - first wife put on a lot of weight with kids
Earner - I didn't want the single provider stress 10 years younger so our libidos? matched a little better |
Anonymous
| Someone who could handle his anger. That was the only thing I paid attention to because that was the huge problem in the first go-around. |
Anonymous
| No severe mental illness |
Anonymous
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Self confidence
Can handle stress of daily life Interest in staying fit Common interests Children like her Initiates and enjoys sex |
Anonymous
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The main criteria were attraction and trustworthiness (my previous wife cheated).
Honestly, I’m a pretty simple person and it takes very little for me to be happy. My wife turned out to be: - Very positive with an innate ability to reframe any negative situation and make the best of it. - Crazy hot with a lifelong view of fitness. - Extremely driven and high earning. We’re both from lower class backgrounds and put ourselves through undergrad/grad school. Honestly, I believe that she can outwork any 3 normal people. - Very modest about achievements. - Great and consistent in the bedroom. - Fun sense of humor. |
Anonymous
| No ADD or mental illness |
Anonymous
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Ability to take responsibility for his own happiness.
Ability to maintain friendships independent of me. A serious commitment to foreplay! A sense of humor. Demonstrated willingness to take off a few days a year for vacation. |
Anonymous
| Ability to hold a job |
Anonymous
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Dedicated to self improvement
An understanding that happiness is not something you seek out in other people/things Not abusive - doesn’t take out his bad moods on others Fights fair Also the pretty standard, has a good job, keeps himself in good physical condition, etc. |
Anonymous
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Non workaholic - family a priority
Healthy boundaries with parents |
Anonymous
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Someone who wants sex more than a few times a ywar
Someone who could handle dishes put back not their way Someone who doesn't hate my family and think they are out to get them Someone who has friends Someone I'm not afraid of saying the wrong thing to and constantly feeling like I am on eggshells Someone who doesn't yell at me in front of our kids or public Sadly I'm still married to this person. But the second time around will be much different. |
Anonymous
Things will change for the better. You always have options. |
Anonymous
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Commitment to fitness
Shows affection on a regular basis Enjoys his job |