I'm a gay teenager, Ask Me Anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry that people are being mean to you. I hope you can find your way and I think that college will open up a whole new world for you. It sounds like you’re almost out of high school, right? Do you plan to go to college? I think you’d love a more progressive city where you can kinda start over. Can you apply anywhere near NYC?

That's the thing; people weren't "mean."

They just started avoiding me. I was never bullied or harassed, I was just an outcast as in my friends no longer wanted to talk to me anymore. The only instance of homophobia was someone calling me a faggot, but that only happened one time.

That sucks. Sorry to hear. Do you think it would have been different if you asked someone out that did not go to your school or were actively dating someone not at your school?
For another perspective, the guys who are ignoring you believed that you were friends and knew you as a person. From their perspective, it now seems like you were faking one aspect of your life so what other things did you fake or lie about? They also realize they must not have really known you either. It might not even be their own homophobia but their parents or family. They know they won't approve of them having a gay friend. They should be above it but you yourself won't even come out to your own parents.

And do not kill yourself. A year from now, your life will be amazingly different and so much will happen. Don't miss out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry that people are being mean to you. I hope you can find your way and I think that college will open up a whole new world for you. It sounds like you’re almost out of high school, right? Do you plan to go to college? I think you’d love a more progressive city where you can kinda start over. Can you apply anywhere near NYC?

That's the thing; people weren't "mean."

They just started avoiding me. I was never bullied or harassed, I was just an outcast as in my friends no longer wanted to talk to me anymore. The only instance of homophobia was someone calling me a faggot, but that only happened one time.

That sucks. Sorry to hear. Do you think it would have been different if you asked someone out that did not go to your school or were actively dating someone not at your school?
For another perspective, the guys who are ignoring you believed that you were friends and knew you as a person. From their perspective, it now seems like you were faking one aspect of your life so what other things did you fake or lie about? They also realize they must not have really known you either. It might not even be their own homophobia but their parents or family. They know they won't approve of them having a gay friend. They should be above it but you yourself won't even come out to your own parents.

And do not kill yourself. A year from now, your life will be amazingly different and so much will happen. Don't miss out!

Thank you for your kind words.

Now that I recall, we did have a conversation in our group chat where they literally said they can't be friends with gay people and made us all promise that we weren't gay smh.

Think of homophobia in 2018 to racism: people won't outwardly say anything offensive but they will behind closed doors when they think they can get away with it.

[Anonymous]

Be careful to not put identifying info when you write on this site.

I think you should focus on grades and look ahead to applying to colleges where gay people are more accepted, then you can make some real friends in college that will accept you. Then you can leave all the negativity of your experience here behind. Try to be optimistic about the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful to not put identifying info when you write on this site.

I think you should focus on grades and look ahead to applying to colleges where gay people are more accepted, then you can make some real friends in college that will accept you. Then you can leave all the negativity of your experience here behind. Try to be optimistic about the future.

I don't think I have put any identifying info on this site.

[Anonymous]

I am randomly guessing your family is from a South Asian background. And maybe many of your friends are from similar backgrounds too?

It may or may not make a difference. Chin up. High school is often a miserable time for many people, regardless of their sexual orientation. Straight people have problematic high school experiences too.

The one thing you must always remember is that at age 17 you are still very much at the beginning of your life. You have an entire life ahead of you. And there is a huge world out there. Make new friends if you can. Or keep your head down, stick to your studies and plow through the last year of high school and go to college and let yourself blossom and take it from there. That last year of high school will go by in a blur. It always does. Perhaps in the meantime try to find counseling groups at community centers or libraries for gay youths and make new friends?

I cannot tell you what you should do regarding your family. It is tempting for teenagers in the middle of angst to think their parents greater monsters than they really are. But you know your family better than I do and if they are a culturally conservative family you may want to keep quiet about your orientation until you finish college (assuming they're footing the bill) and once you have your degree and are in a position to be independent, tell them the truth. It's always better to tell the truth for the long run. You must life your life for yourself, not for your parents. The famous Shakespearean quote 'to thine own self be true' is the most honest thing you can do for yourself. It does not mean that you also shouldn't be a bit pragmatic at the same time, which is why I suggested waiting until you've finished college before any drastic announcements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am randomly guessing your family is from a South Asian background. And maybe many of your friends are from similar backgrounds too?

It may or may not make a difference. Chin up. High school is often a miserable time for many people, regardless of their sexual orientation. Straight people have problematic high school experiences too.

The one thing you must always remember is that at age 17 you are still very much at the beginning of your life. You have an entire life ahead of you. And there is a huge world out there. Make new friends if you can. Or keep your head down, stick to your studies and plow through the last year of high school and go to college and let yourself blossom and take it from there. That last year of high school will go by in a blur. It always does. Perhaps in the meantime try to find counseling groups at community centers or libraries for gay youths and make new friends?

I cannot tell you what you should do regarding your family. It is tempting for teenagers in the middle of angst to think their parents greater monsters than they really are. But you know your family better than I do and if they are a culturally conservative family you may want to keep quiet about your orientation until you finish college (assuming they're footing the bill) and once you have your degree and are in a position to be independent, tell them the truth. It's always better to tell the truth for the long run. You must life your life for yourself, not for your parents. The famous Shakespearean quote 'to thine own self be true' is the most honest thing you can do for yourself. It does not mean that you also shouldn't be a bit pragmatic at the same time, which is why I suggested waiting until you've finished college before any drastic announcements.

I'm actually African lol. To be honest, every race has a lot of homophobia. White people generally are the most tolerant, but even in the south and conservative areas, they aren't the most accepting.

Anyways, thank you for your kind words. As I mentioned, I like to think that I will find somebody so special that I will no longer want to hide my orientation, but I understand that my parent's reaction could lead to them cutting me off financially if it comes to that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is fake.

I think so too. I can’t be sure but I lived very close to op and came out 20+ years ago. Seems like a lot of regression for a very liberal place in the last 20+ years. Also asking out someone you don’t know to be gay at your own school by text when you are in the closet doesn’t make any sense. It’s not how lgbt teens meet.

[Anonymous]

What are you doing on DCUM??
Instagram not interesting?
Snapchat not stimulating?
Kik not captivating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is fake.

I think so too. I can’t be sure but I lived very close to op and came out 20+ years ago. Seems like a lot of regression for a very liberal place in the last 20+ years. Also asking out someone you don’t know to be gay at your own school by text when you are in the closet doesn’t make any sense. It’s not how lgbt teens meet.

Well, if the OP goes to a school with a high concentration of children of recent immigrants from Africa or the Middle East or India and most of his friends are kids from those families, I can see this happening.

And OP made a mistake in the text. But maybe he's reading more into it and there's other things at play too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im 17 and graduating this year

I've known I was gay since I knew what gay meant (I was 8)

I asked a boy out during my junior year and was outed, lost almost all of his friends

none of my family know

I don’t by that a boy lost his friends because he was asked out by another boy. That is in no way consistent with what I know about teens today. If anything, they tend to be overly performative in demonstrating tolerance and acceptance of gay kids.

OP here again, I’d like to think I know more about my own generation, considering these are the people I interact with for 7 hours a day at school and my job and at camps and sports than an adult.

I have two teens and coach two teams and am a youth leader at church. So I know you would like to think something, but we all have our perspectives. I am sorry you experienced this but it still doesn’t track that another boy would be ostracized because you asked him out. How would they know? Why would that result in ostracism?

DP. I think there is a miscommunication in the OP. I think OP meant to indicate that he was ostracized for asking the boy out, not the other boy.

OP, am I right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am randomly guessing your family is from a South Asian background. And maybe many of your friends are from similar backgrounds too?

It may or may not make a difference. Chin up. High school is often a miserable time for many people, regardless of their sexual orientation. Straight people have problematic high school experiences too.

The one thing you must always remember is that at age 17 you are still very much at the beginning of your life. You have an entire life ahead of you. And there is a huge world out there. Make new friends if you can. Or keep your head down, stick to your studies and plow through the last year of high school and go to college and let yourself blossom and take it from there. That last year of high school will go by in a blur. It always does. Perhaps in the meantime try to find counseling groups at community centers or libraries for gay youths and make new friends?

I cannot tell you what you should do regarding your family. It is tempting for teenagers in the middle of angst to think their parents greater monsters than they really are. But you know your family better than I do and if they are a culturally conservative family you may want to keep quiet about your orientation until you finish college (assuming they're footing the bill) and once you have your degree and are in a position to be independent, tell them the truth. It's always better to tell the truth for the long run. You must life your life for yourself, not for your parents. The famous Shakespearean quote 'to thine own self be true' is the most honest thing you can do for yourself. It does not mean that you also shouldn't be a bit pragmatic at the same time, which is why I suggested waiting until you've finished college before any drastic announcements.

I'm actually African lol. To be honest, every race has a lot of homophobia. White people generally are the most tolerant, but even in the south and conservative areas, they aren't the most accepting.

Anyways, thank you for your kind words. As I mentioned, I like to think that I will find somebody so special that I will no longer want to hide my orientation, but I understand that my parent's reaction could lead to them cutting me off financially if it comes to that point.

Hang in there OP. I wish you the very best in life.

[Anonymous]

OP, as someone who actually had very similar experiences about a decade ago (albeit in a different location) I believe you and can empathize. Straight people want to pretend that serious homophobia is essentially over because they don’t experience this form of prejudice themselves and act like all young people are these socially woke justice seekers like the Parkland teens. My advice to you would be to stay focused on school, try to find the most supportive environments possible, and PLEASE don’t think there’s something wrong with you because you’ve had these experiences when others haven’t or want to pretend they don’t exist anymore.

[Anonymous]

I think it's real. OP writes like a kid.

[Anonymous]

I'm late to the thread, but hang in there. Life will get better. I was there once, too, and now i wouldn't trade my life for any other. You will find happiness and love beyond what you think possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you doing on DCUM??
Instagram not interesting?
Snapchat not stimulating?
Kik not captivating?

This. How a high school kid from Fairfax find his way to a parent-focused website/blog-thingy.