Upset that sister has been given family home
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Anonymous
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There are also good reasons for giving the house to your sister before your uncle is dying (Medicaid spend down). He needs to not own it for a number of years before it "counts." He is smart to do this now and it is nice he is able to trust your sister enough to go forward. She sounds lovely.
My brother inherited my grandma's house and lived with her the last 2 years of her life. I lived in another state and frankly, he deserves the house! The last thing I wanted to be doing was driving my grandma to dialysis every other day for years. He earned that place fair and square! |
Anonymous
+2. Without your sister it is very likely your aunt and uncle would have needed to sell the house to pay for their own care, especially if the family was not wealthy otherwise. End of life care taking is not easy, and it is very expensive either in terms of hiring help, or having someone drop out of the labor market to care for a relative. |
Anonymous
+2. It was your aunt's and uncle's house. Since they don't have kids, they were likely relieved their niece stepped up to help. You have no idea how hard it is to take care of an elderly person unless you've done it yourself. Your sister sounds kind. |
Anonymous
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OP, you need to let this go. I get that it feels unfair, and I'd probably have some of those same feelings in your position, but it's easy to see why this seemed a logical path for your uncle. Your sister has, and continues to, care for them in that house, and it keeps the house in the family instead of putting it up for sale, which is likely a consideration for him if his parents built it. You said yourself that the house has sentimental value for you, yet that you would never be able to live in it. Your sister's ownership allows you to retain those sentimental benefits in a way selling would not.
There's no good that can come from hanging on to anger about this. Yes, it would have been nice if you received an inheritance from your aunt and uncle/grandparents, but you are not owed that and few people actually receive that (from parents yes, other relatives, no). Let go of the entitlement, embrace the benefits of the house staying in the family, and be happy for your sister and that you have a close family that takes care of each other. What's done is done and harboring resentment will get you nowhere. |
Anonymous
+3 |
Anonymous
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How is the house so "zentimental" to you if the thing that y9u are most upset about is that it is not being sold and the profits split 3 ways?
Your claim of sentimentality is not matching with you wanting to sell the house to get what you perceive as your fair share. |
Anonymous
| Fair or not, I think it's relatively fair, do you want to lose your sister over this and be angry forever, or do you want to be thankful that your sister has taken good care of your aunt and uncle and this is how they are repaying her? Your choice. |
Anonymous
| I hope you truly understand how selfish and petty you are being, OP. Your mother is correct that she should not get involved, as she has no business interfering with her BILs financial plans. Your sister did a very kind act -- she took care of an ill aunt and now is caring for your elderly uncle. And all you can muster is to be angry that she gets his house because you had a reception there? Really? |
Anonymous
This! OP, the only way for you and your brother to get anything out of the house is for the estate to sell it and divide the proceeds. This way it stays in the family and you can celebrate holidays and weddings and whatever there. What if your sister never has kids? Then maybe your kids will take of her and they will get the house someday. What is it that your really want? One exercise to dig deep on this issue is to answer that question and then ask yourself why, answer that question and ask why that? and then keep doing that until you have asked yourself "why" five times -- that will get to the heart of what is really bothering you about his situation. |
Anonymous
| No one thinks your feelings are justified, OP. Do you get that? |
Anonymous
This. For real this. It's pretty simple really. I'm assuming you've never been a caretaker. She deserves the house and more. |
Anonymous
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Our family is big into passing along whole assets to individuals as nothing good comes out of three siblings jointly owning a house. You either sell it or one person lives in it but it never feels like "home" because of the other siblings who have a point of view about the upkeep, etc. that they really shouldn't. This issue gets worse with the next generation...
I think it is absolutely lovely that your uncle signed the house over to your sister. It's a win-win in that the home stays in the family and that he can have peace of mind that he will be cared for as he ages. I know that it feels unfair as you first hear about it, but hopefully reading the (rare) DCUM consensus that this was one of the best outcomes there could be means that you can take a deep breath, muster up happiness for both your uncle and your sister and not let this impact what sounds to be good relationships overall. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like your sister actually deserves the house, and you... not so much.
Not sure what the problem is. Why do some people think they are entitled to anything in an inheritance? If you wanted it you should have been there like your sister was. But you weren’t, and that was your choice...just like giving it to your sister was his. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like the path your sister took is similar to the path your Uncle/Aunt took, and so the outcome is the same for both - they live in the house as caretaker, they get to keep living in the house after caretaking. That said, in this case, if your Uncle is still alive it's likely, and probably implied, that when he needs care your sister/BIL will care for him.
That seems fair. Honestly, it's a compromised set-up anyway: they're not it the house alone - they live with your uncle. Are you financially stable? If so, I'd let this one go. If you want another outcome, what, exactly do you want - to live there yourself? To own half the house while your sister lives there? To make her live somewhere else, and still take care of your uncle some day? |
Anonymous
I agree with this. It's not about what your uncle had the "right" to do. Of course he can do what he wants, and did so. But, they did it in secret and gave a huge windfall to your sister (who was in a position to help your aunt and uncle when they needed it and it sounds like you were not). I'd be upset too. But, there is nothing you can do about it. I'd let it go. But, admit it would affect my relationship with them. Life's not fair. But that doesn't mean it was right to be so secretive about it. |