Upset that sister has been given family home

[Anonymous]

Your sister took are of her dying aunt, and most likely she will take care of her uncle until his death. Nobody knows how much or little work this will be. She might come to regret the arrangement. She might end up being a full time care giver to incapacitated uncle. It is no picnic, my dad is incapable of doing anything at all for himself right now. My sister pays for all his care, and I am perfectly happy that she should inherit the family house that my dad built on the land that has been in our family for over 2 centuries. It seems fair to me.

[Anonymous]

Also, this makes the house stay in the family. Dividing it among three people generally means selling it. Envy and anger are misplaced.

[Anonymous]

I understand emotionally not wanting to sell a home and divide the proceeds. This has happened three times in our family, however, and only once was it accomplished without hard feelings all around. I would be extremely reluctant to do this myself.

My father's parents left their house to my aunt alone, and she sadly died soon after from cancer. My uncle by marriage sold the house quickly, and my father and uncle were both upset.

My husband's mother recently sold her house in an extreme sweetheart deal to my SIL. Both DH and I and his other sister were buying homes around the same time, and nothing was said to us or financial assistance offered. It is what it is, but it created at the very least an awkward situation.

My FIL's mother left her house to all three siblings, but one wanted to buy the others out. This situation was much more reasonable and the house was kept in the family and the other two siblings still received an inheritance.

It is reasonable to want to keep a house in a family, although giving it to one person will not necessarily achieve that. It is also reasonable to first offer a house for sale to the current occupants or anyone that provided needed care. It is, however, an especially bad idea to freeze some people out and not to have any communication about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand emotionally not wanting to sell a home and divide the proceeds. This has happened three times in our family, however, and only once was it accomplished without hard feelings all around. I would be extremely reluctant to do this myself.

My father's parents left their house to my aunt alone, and she sadly died soon after from cancer. My uncle by marriage sold the house quickly, and my father and uncle were both upset.

My husband's mother recently sold her house in an extreme sweetheart deal to my SIL. Both DH and I and his other sister were buying homes around the same time, and nothing was said to us or financial assistance offered. It is what it is, but it created at the very least an awkward situation.

My FIL's mother left her house to all three siblings, but one wanted to buy the others out. This situation was much more reasonable and the house was kept in the family and the other two siblings still received an inheritance.

It is reasonable to want to keep a house in a family, although giving it to one person will not necessarily achieve that. It is also reasonable to first offer a house for sale to the current occupants or anyone that provided needed care. It is, however, an especially bad idea to freeze some people out and not to have any communication about it.

So, in your opinion, a care giver should not be willed the home but they should be given first dibs on purchasing the home? I dunno.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds selfish and greedy. You didn't move in and help out. You don't even live there. You just want the money/investment. That's greed, pure and simple.

[Anonymous]

The family home is not a free-and-clear inheritance. The person who gets it has to pay taxes on it. The person who gets it has to maintain it. The person who gets it has to deal with everyone else's feelings about the fact that they got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, at least you're trying to figure out the best way to think about all this going forward, rather than sticking to your (initial) guns. That's a good thing.

What works for me: I assume I will get nothing from anyone in my family, even if they say I will. My parents will probably leave my brother and me a few hundred grand in an estate. But, until they're dead, gone, and everything is netted out, I'll assume nothing. If they wrote me out of the will and gave everything to my brother 100%, so be it. Keeping a "doesn't matter" mindset has allowed me to focus on what's truly important.

This is a good call. Don't count your inheritances before they are received. Late in life medical costs are exorbitant, remarriages happen and old people can get weird and controlling late in life holding the promise of money over your head.

[Anonymous]

My parents have said they are leaving their house to my sister. Both have cancer and she has provided them full time care, even quitting her job to help. I think it is fair that she gets the house and feel no anger.

Taking care of a sick person is a ton of work. Your sister deserves this house, op you don't deserve it and you need to move on without bitterness.

[Anonymous]

Do you feel guilt that you weren't able to be with your aunt when she was dying? Is that part of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds selfish and greedy. You didn't move in and help out. You don't even live there. You just want the money/investment. That's greed, pure and simple.

I agree 100%. You sound so greedy and selfish. You are not owed a dime. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Just shut up already calling the OP greedy. She is not. She is experiencying entirely understandable feelings based on lifelong experiences.

Life is not black and white and this family chose not to communicate clearly. It also doesn’t sound like lliving with the aunt and uncle was a terrible hardship. It sounds like it was beneficial all around.

I agree that this exchange probably ales the most sense for the uncle and that there are costs and benefits to both him and the niece. iThat said, OP’s feelings are legitimate and she is trying to work through them. Stop being so absolute in your judgment of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just shut up already calling the OP greedy. She is not. She is experiencying entirely understandable feelings based on lifelong experiences.

Life is not black and white and this family chose not to communicate clearly. It also doesn’t sound like lliving with the aunt and uncle was a terrible hardship. It sounds like it was beneficial all around.

I agree that this exchange probably ales the most sense for the uncle and that there are costs and benefits to both him and the niece. iThat said, OP’s feelings are legitimate and she is trying to work through them. Stop being so absolute in your judgment of her.

Uncle doesn’t need to “communicate clearly” about his own damn property with anyone he doesn’t choose to. Do you get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just shut up already calling the OP greedy. She is not. She is experiencying entirely understandable feelings based on lifelong experiences.

Life is not black and white and this family chose not to communicate clearly. It also doesn’t sound like lliving with the aunt and uncle was a terrible hardship. It sounds like it was beneficial all around.

I agree that this exchange probably ales the most sense for the uncle and that there are costs and benefits to both him and the niece. iThat said, OP’s feelings are legitimate and she is trying to work through them. Stop being so absolute in your judgment of her.

She would never live in the house. She said so. She owns a house. Sister left everything to move in to help. Speaks volumes of the sister. Op could have done the same thing but did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just shut up already calling the OP greedy. She is not. She is experiencying entirely understandable feelings based on lifelong experiences.

Life is not black and white and this family chose not to communicate clearly. It also doesn’t sound like lliving with the aunt and uncle was a terrible hardship. It sounds like it was beneficial all around.

I agree that this exchange probably ales the most sense for the uncle and that there are costs and benefits to both him and the niece. iThat said, OP’s feelings are legitimate and she is trying to work through them. Stop being so absolute in your judgment of her.

Uncle doesn’t need to “communicate clearly” about his own damn property with anyone he doesn’t choose to. Do you get it?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, at least you're trying to figure out the best way to think about all this going forward, rather than sticking to your (initial) guns. That's a good thing.

What works for me: I assume I will get nothing from anyone in my family, even if they say I will. My parents will probably leave my brother and me a few hundred grand in an estate. But, until they're dead, gone, and everything is netted out, I'll assume nothing. If they wrote me out of the will and gave everything to my brother 100%, so be it. Keeping a "doesn't matter" mindset has allowed me to focus on what's truly important.

This is a good call. Don't count your inheritances before they are received. Late in life medical costs are exorbitant, remarriages happen and old people can get weird and controlling late in life holding the promise of money over your head.

+1 it's very deliberating to assume nothing. Many people are indeed just talkers. I can see OP being hurt, it's a human reaction, still not helpful to assume anything.