are we both crazy?

[Anonymous]

Side with you in what sense? Give you full custody? No. "My wife doesn't care about my feelings and walks away during arguments" is not a full custody issue. They give partial custody to rapists ffs.

[Anonymous]

Man, this doesn’t sound workable. She pushed you down the stairs? That would’ve been enough for me to file. The two of you are toxic together, and she sounds unstable. Why stay? Just file already and don’t martyr yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Thank you all again for your advice and thoughts.

After a day of silence between us, I tried to fairly and openly communicate my thoughts and feelings to my wife last night via text.

As usual, she ignored all of them. When I told her this morning how much that hurt my feelings, she told me not to write her in the middle of the night, although it was 9 pm and she was upstairs on her phone).

I told her that it seems like she doesn't care about or even respect my thoughts and feelings and that I didn't want to fight in front of the boy, so I went downstairs to get away from her and get ready for work.

She, of course, followed me downstairs and started screaming at me while the kid is upstairs crying and wanting to finish the breakfast she started feeding him.

She actually stopped feeding her baby to continue yelling at me. She also told me that my feelings and thoughts are "Blah blah blah". Even those of you blaming me for all of this can surely see how invalidating and cruel her words are.

Since she has blocked me via text and phone, I am going to write her today with a list of issues that have gone unresolved for several years. These include my insistence that she see an individual therapist...I made this request after she pushed me down the stairs two years ago and tried to cut her wrists with a kitchen knife. I have been seeing the same therapist for over four years and it has been a tremendous help; she has seen at least four therapists over the past two years and will not commit to any of them; they're all too hard on her background, apparently.

I'm going to tell her that if steps are not taken to resolve all of the issues, I will have no choice but to file for divorce in order to provide a stable situation for our son.

I also plan on telling her I am going to file for full custody; I am in the process of changing jobs from an office/cubicle government gig to a remote work with travel situation, and I will be able to live wherever I want. I will also be making more money than her, living in a place with better schools and higher median income than our current neighborhood. I don't have every indiscretion of hers documented, but I have a few.

Is there any way a judge would side with me?

To answer your question: no, a judge won't side with you. You won't get fully custody and you won't be able to pick up and move just because you have the ability to telework and are making more money than she is. By all means, talk to a lawyer. You won't get full custody though. At "best" you'll get 50-50 and you'll be paying her child support if you earn more than she does. Have no illusions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Side with you in what sense? Give you full custody? No. "My wife doesn't care about my feelings and walks away during arguments" is not a full custody issue. They give partial custody to rapists ffs.

what about the fact that she tried to push OP down the stairs and has basically attempted suicide? isn't that grounds for full?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I used to bolt out of the house, too. I stopped when I had a child because I didn't want to miss a day with him while I took time to cool off.

I used to bolt because I couldn't get my husband to actually talk about issues. He's more comfortable just "getting along" but not hashing things out. I would get so frustrated but didn't have an outlet since our conversations were one-sided (me talking or complaining and him basically telling me to forget X).

So I would leave to go clear my head. Nothing ever got resolved but I felt calmer when I came back 2-4 hours later.

So maybe bolting wasn't healthy but neither was him refusing to talk about anything. Sadly, I don't get as frustrated as I did before but only because I don't care to beat a dead horse trying to discuss my concerns.

op here, thanks. All I want to do is talk about the issues and all she wants to do is run away from them and not be held accountable for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Side with you in what sense? Give you full custody? No. "My wife doesn't care about my feelings and walks away during arguments" is not a full custody issue. They give partial custody to rapists ffs.

what about the fact that she tried to push OP down the stairs and has basically attempted suicide? isn't that grounds for full?

Nope. I take it you've never gone through a custody case? Like I said, they give partial custody to rapists. "She pushed me and I never filed charges" is not going to cut the mustard.

OP, I don't find you to be a reliable narrator but if everything you're saying is true and you want full custody, you should start documenting now. You might have some leverage if you can go into court with a collection of police reports.

[Anonymous]

Screaming "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME" is what my daughter did when she was a toddler and frustrated when we told her no.

Your wife sounds mental.

[Anonymous]

There really isnt any point to this. You two are doomed to more of the same until it escalates. Quit talking and get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Screaming "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME" is what my daughter did when she was a toddler and frustrated when we told her no.

Your wife sounds mental.

OP here, thanks.
I told her that it is insulting and arrogant to presume that I'm "not listening" when I'm sitting there being yelled at. How could I hear anything else?
And if I weren't interested in listening, I wouldn't be standing there.

It sounds like to me, and I could be wrong here...but "you're not listening"="you're not agreeing or complying with me".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Screaming "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME" is what my daughter did when she was a toddler and frustrated when we told her no.

Your wife sounds mental.

OP here, thanks.
I told her that it is insulting and arrogant to presume that I'm "not listening" when I'm sitting there being yelled at. How could I hear anything else?
And if I weren't interested in listening, I wouldn't be standing there.

It sounds like to me, and I could be wrong here...but "you're not listening"="you're not agreeing or complying with me".

I'm fascinated by the progression in this thread from "We fight occasionally, and it gets bad quickly bc we both have bad tempers" to "look at how undiagnosed crazy/violent my wife is and how reasonable I am at all times."

File for divorce, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Screaming "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME" is what my daughter did when she was a toddler and frustrated when we told her no.

Your wife sounds mental.

OP here, thanks.
I told her that it is insulting and arrogant to presume that I'm "not listening" when I'm sitting there being yelled at. How could I hear anything else?
And if I weren't interested in listening, I wouldn't be standing there.

It sounds like to me, and I could be wrong here...but "you're not listening"="you're not agreeing or complying with me".

I'm fascinated by the progression in this thread from "We fight occasionally, and it gets bad quickly bc we both have bad tempers" to "look at how undiagnosed crazy/violent my wife is and how reasonable I am at all times."

File for divorce, OP.

Maybe I'm not reading closely enough but I don't see anywhere OP saying how reasonable he is. He did admit to starting fights and to seeking out help, etc.
It seems like maybe you want to put this back on OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Screaming "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME" is what my daughter did when she was a toddler and frustrated when we told her no.

Your wife sounds mental.

OP here, thanks.
I told her that it is insulting and arrogant to presume that I'm "not listening" when I'm sitting there being yelled at. How could I hear anything else?
And if I weren't interested in listening, I wouldn't be standing there.

It sounds like to me, and I could be wrong here...but "you're not listening"="you're not agreeing or complying with me".

I'm fascinated by the progression in this thread from "We fight occasionally, and it gets bad quickly bc we both have bad tempers" to "look at how undiagnosed crazy/violent my wife is and how reasonable I am at all times."

File for divorce, OP.

Maybe I'm not reading closely enough but I don't see anywhere OP saying how reasonable he is. He did admit to starting fights and to seeking out help, etc.
It seems like maybe you want to put this back on OP.

10:57; 12:11.

You can find him believable. I think he was telling something closer to the truth in the OP and is really enjoying the attention so has ratcheted the story in a less-believable direction ever since. Opening with "our fights get angry and violent" but "the big problem is she leaves and drives around -- that's not fair, is it?" and then after some questioning suddenly she's shoved him down a flight of stairs? Yeah, that's not how people tell true stories. He's slow-playing this and in every post she gets crazier and he gets more sainted. You can buy what he's selling if you choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Screaming "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME" is what my daughter did when she was a toddler and frustrated when we told her no.

Your wife sounds mental.

OP here, thanks.
I told her that it is insulting and arrogant to presume that I'm "not listening" when I'm sitting there being yelled at. How could I hear anything else?
And if I weren't interested in listening, I wouldn't be standing there.

It sounds like to me, and I could be wrong here...but "you're not listening"="you're not agreeing or complying with me".

I'm fascinated by the progression in this thread from "We fight occasionally, and it gets bad quickly bc we both have bad tempers" to "look at how undiagnosed crazy/violent my wife is and how reasonable I am at all times."

File for divorce, OP.

Maybe I'm not reading closely enough but I don't see anywhere OP saying how reasonable he is. He did admit to starting fights and to seeking out help, etc.
It seems like maybe you want to put this back on OP.

10:57; 12:11.

You can find him believable. I think he was telling something closer to the truth in the OP and is really enjoying the attention so has ratcheted the story in a less-believable direction ever since. Opening with "our fights get angry and violent" but "the big problem is she leaves and drives around -- that's not fair, is it?" and then after some questioning suddenly she's shoved him down a flight of stairs? Yeah, that's not how people tell true stories. He's slow-playing this and in every post she gets crazier and he gets more sainted. You can buy what he's selling if you choose.

OP here, and frankly, you are an idiot.

I'm not enjoying at all whatever "attention" can be derived from this. I came here for advice and support, not to make myself feel better or sainted in any way.

She has tried to shove me down a flight of stairs. It happened two summers ago in the midst of a miscarriage she suffered.

If you think I'm enjoying people advising me to get divorced, you're crazier than my wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Screaming "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME" is what my daughter did when she was a toddler and frustrated when we told her no.

Your wife sounds mental.

OP here, thanks.
I told her that it is insulting and arrogant to presume that I'm "not listening" when I'm sitting there being yelled at. How could I hear anything else?
And if I weren't interested in listening, I wouldn't be standing there.

It sounds like to me, and I could be wrong here...but "you're not listening"="you're not agreeing or complying with me".

I'm fascinated by the progression in this thread from "We fight occasionally, and it gets bad quickly bc we both have bad tempers" to "look at how undiagnosed crazy/violent my wife is and how reasonable I am at all times."

File for divorce, OP.

Maybe I'm not reading closely enough but I don't see anywhere OP saying how reasonable he is. He did admit to starting fights and to seeking out help, etc.
It seems like maybe you want to put this back on OP.

10:57; 12:11.

You can find him believable. I think he was telling something closer to the truth in the OP and is really enjoying the attention so has ratcheted the story in a less-believable direction ever since. Opening with "our fights get angry and violent" but "the big problem is she leaves and drives around -- that's not fair, is it?" and then after some questioning suddenly she's shoved him down a flight of stairs? Yeah, that's not how people tell true stories. He's slow-playing this and in every post she gets crazier and he gets more sainted. You can buy what he's selling if you choose.

OP here, and frankly, you are an idiot.

I'm not enjoying at all whatever "attention" can be derived from this. I came here for advice and support, not to make myself feel better or sainted in any way.

She has tried to shove me down a flight of stairs. It happened two summers ago in the midst of a miscarriage she suffered.

If you think I'm enjoying people advising me to get divorced, you're crazier than my wife.

For someone not enjoying attention you sure are responding "thank you" to everyone who says you're a good guy and she's crazy, and "you're crazier than my wife" to anyone pushing back against the holes in your story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Screaming "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME" is what my daughter did when she was a toddler and frustrated when we told her no.

Your wife sounds mental.

OP here, thanks.
I told her that it is insulting and arrogant to presume that I'm "not listening" when I'm sitting there being yelled at. How could I hear anything else?
And if I weren't interested in listening, I wouldn't be standing there.

It sounds like to me, and I could be wrong here...but "you're not listening"="you're not agreeing or complying with me".

I'm fascinated by the progression in this thread from "We fight occasionally, and it gets bad quickly bc we both have bad tempers" to "look at how undiagnosed crazy/violent my wife is and how reasonable I am at all times."

File for divorce, OP.

Maybe I'm not reading closely enough but I don't see anywhere OP saying how reasonable he is. He did admit to starting fights and to seeking out help, etc.
It seems like maybe you want to put this back on OP.

10:57; 12:11.

You can find him believable. I think he was telling something closer to the truth in the OP and is really enjoying the attention so has ratcheted the story in a less-believable direction ever since. Opening with "our fights get angry and violent" but "the big problem is she leaves and drives around -- that's not fair, is it?" and then after some questioning suddenly she's shoved him down a flight of stairs? Yeah, that's not how people tell true stories. He's slow-playing this and in every post she gets crazier and he gets more sainted. You can buy what he's selling if you choose.

OP here, and frankly, you are an idiot.

I'm not enjoying at all whatever "attention" can be derived from this. I came here for advice and support, not to make myself feel better or sainted in any way.

She has tried to shove me down a flight of stairs. It happened two summers ago in the midst of a miscarriage she suffered.

If you think I'm enjoying people advising me to get divorced, you're crazier than my wife.

You escalated quickly. I suggest figuring out why it happens and how you can mitigate it.