DS wants his GF to sleep over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say yes but have her sleep in the guest room.

Defeats the point of her sleeping over doesn’t it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why not? if they are being careful and her parents are ok with it I don't understand why you would say no. I was allowed to stay at my BF's house at 16. The only difference is I'm from Europe. I do think Americans are hypocrites about this. "If they want to have sex they will find a way" = ridiculous.

Cultural context. You slept over in the context of your country with its cultural norms and expectations. There are different ones here.

The ones here are dumb.

-NP, American

[Anonymous]

Please see thread below: “18 year old daughter pregnant”
That will be the next one you’ll need your son to read!

In the meantime ask him to have a little more respect for the home he’s living in and the people in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please see thread below: “18 year old daughter pregnant”
That will be the next one you’ll need your son to read!

In the meantime ask him to have a little more respect for the home he’s living in and the people in it.

Silly post. They're still going to do it.

[Anonymous]

IMO, 16 is too young, but then again, if you know they at having sex better under your roof than behind the school, parking lot, forest, etc...As hard as it is to come to terms with such activity as parents, better in a safe environment.

[Anonymous]

If they are going to have sex they will find a way. I'd be ok with it in separate rooms. But, our house is small and we can hear everything. We have camera's in the basement. Bedrooms are right next to ours and I wouldn't allow doors fully closed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO, 16 is too young, but then again, if you know they at having sex better under your roof than behind the school, parking lot, forest, etc...As hard as it is to come to terms with such activity as parents, better in a safe environment.

How old are your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have never let him stay over on nye. To not drive home?!? You opened the door for him to drink and not worry about driving home. You should have picked him up. Two 16 year olds do not need to spend the night over each other houses. You are not bonding at night, you are sleeping. Sleep in your own bed.

OP here. NYE --I didn't want him on the roads with the other drivers who are likely intoxicated...not an issue of him driving drunk. Plus he and his friends don't drink. As for me picking him up...same issue. I don't want to be on the roads. If you think risking it to pick up your kid on NYE is worth it, that is your decision. I feel I made the right decision under the circumstances. Something about the tone of your post makes me believe you are an unhappy person PP. Try not to be so judgmental.

They don't drink? Really, how do you know this? Are you a mom from that show Black Mirror where kid has a video implant and mom can see everything? I am sorry to tell you, but you are extremely naïve, blind or both. The best of teens here drink, the worst of teens drink, non stop, they are just hiding it really good from a naïve parent like you. Probably even the girlfriend's parents don't know that kids drank, they sneak it in no matter where and when. You need to get a reality check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, 16 is too young, but then again, if you know they at having sex better under your roof than behind the school, parking lot, forest, etc...As hard as it is to come to terms with such activity as parents, better in a safe environment.

How old are your children?

18 and 16, with 16 DD who had a boyfriend. Sleeping over never happened, but I sure told her, if there is anything going on, it better be under my roof, and not some backseat of a car, park or walk in the neighborhood. Door was open all the time when boyfriend was over, I'd rather know what is going on, I am not a fool. Would you seriously rather have them hiding out in parks and behind the school? It is not ideal in any situation, but if they are having sex, provide education and protection and safety. I do not think I would allow sleepover with boyfriend at 16, but 4,5 hour hanging out at my place, definitely. And did allow it. Much can be done in that time, and I always made sure I was home, as well as if she went to his house, his mom and I texted to make sure she was at home. It takes some planning and effort, but teens will be teens, and we are not in Saudi Arabia or similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have never let him stay over on nye. To not drive home?!? You opened the door for him to drink and not worry about driving home. You should have picked him up. Two 16 year olds do not need to spend the night over each other houses. You are not bonding at night, you are sleeping. Sleep in your own bed.

OP here. NYE --I didn't want him on the roads with the other drivers who are likely intoxicated...not an issue of him driving drunk. Plus he and his friends don't drink. As for me picking him up...same issue. I don't want to be on the roads. If you think risking it to pick up your kid on NYE is worth it, that is your decision. I feel I made the right decision under the circumstances. Something about the tone of your post makes me believe you are an unhappy person PP. Try not to be so judgmental.

They don't drink? Really, how do you know this? Are you a mom from that show Black Mirror where kid has a video implant and mom can see everything? I am sorry to tell you, but you are extremely naïve, blind or both. The best of teens here drink, the worst of teens drink, non stop, they are just hiding it really good from a naïve parent like you. Probably even the girlfriend's parents don't know that kids drank, they sneak it in no matter where and when. You need to get a reality check.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

He's banging her sure as hell. Even if you deny him permission to hold sleepovers they will find a place so is it really worth the aggravation ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why not? if they are being careful and her parents are ok with it I don't understand why you would say no. I was allowed to stay at my BF's house at 16. The only difference is I'm from Europe. I do think Americans are hypocrites about this. "If they want to have sex they will find a way" = ridiculous.

Cultural context. You slept over in the context of your country with its cultural norms and expectations. There are different ones here.

The ones here are dumb.

-NP, American

DP, one who said better at home than in backseats. I am from Eastern Europe and grew up in a very strict family. Yet, my mom gave me condoms, and there is implied "if you don't tell us, we wont' ask," attitude even then in my country. How can somebody here suggest "they can find a way to do it somewhere else," isn't that just forcing your child to make bad decisions because you are not letting them grow up? If they want they will find a way? That is like a permission to do whatever the heck they want, as long as you, parents don't know about it. What I also found odd when I moved here, is that high school girls I worked with at a daycare told me they had sex as early as 13, none after 16 first time, in 90s. Yet, in my country almost no 16 year old that I knew had sex during my early teen years, there seems to be an idea that Europeans in general are promiscuous at an early age, I have witnessed exact opposite. I was appalled to hear that girls admitted to having sex at 13. When we were 13, we were seriously just kids in 80s in my country. Not even the most promiscuous girls or boys in my whole school had sex before 16, 17. I can't speak for all of Europe clearly. As I wrote, I wouldn't allow a sleepover, but I would and have allowed hanging out for several hours at my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's banging her sure as hell. Even if you deny him permission to hold sleepovers they will find a place so is it really worth the aggravation ?

+1

Why make a big deal of it? Just accept that they're sexual beings because they are.

[Anonymous]

I say "no" to BF-GF teen sleepovers.... but not for the reasons previously posted.

Having "sleepovers" implies a more serious, adult relationship. I have teens and one of the parents in their extended group allows their DD's BF to sleep over regularly-- supposedly in another room but it sounds more like he goes into the guest room around 5 am kind of thing. This is the kind of relationship where the girl drops out of honors classes to be in more classes with her BF. Neither of the two kids in the couple have "real" friendships outside the two of them in their "relationship" cocoon. THAT is what I think is unhealthy for teens. They will (or won't) have sex because of their own reasons (and what was previously instilled in them) but sleepovers (other than the special occasion for a specific reason) "endorse" the relationship beyond what is good and healthy for teens.

[Anonymous]

I would as long as ds formally introduced the gf as a serious gf. But I'm also a firm believer in your house your rules.