DS wants his GF to sleep over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, present them with them a welcome basket—flowers and champagne. Rose petals in the shape of a heart. Make sure you put some lube on the bed table. Just write a note, “be sure to keep ithe noise down love birds!”

You people are crazy as hell.

+1

I wouldn't get any sleep that night because I'd be listening for them sneaking into each other's room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why not? if they are being careful and her parents are ok with it I don't understand why you would say no. I was allowed to stay at my BF's house at 16. The only difference is I'm from Europe. I do think Americans are hypocrites about this. "If they want to have sex they will find a way" = ridiculous.

Cultural context. You slept over in the context of your country with its cultural norms and expectations. There are different ones here.

+100
You'd think that would be obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, present them with them a welcome basket—flowers and champagne. Rose petals in the shape of a heart. Make sure you put some lube on the bed table. Just write a note, “be sure to keep ithe noise down love birds!”

You people are crazy as hell.

+1

I wouldn't get any sleep that night because I'd be listening for them sneaking into each other's room.

Is she a screamer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why not? if they are being careful and her parents are ok with it I don't understand why you would say no. I was allowed to stay at my BF's house at 16. The only difference is I'm from Europe. I do think Americans are hypocrites about this. "If they want to have sex they will find a way" = ridiculous.

Cultural context. You slept over in the context of your country with its cultural norms and expectations. There are different ones here.

The ones here are dumb.

-NP, American

DP, one who said better at home than in backseats. I am from Eastern Europe and grew up in a very strict family. Yet, my mom gave me condoms, and there is implied "if you don't tell us, we wont' ask," attitude even then in my country. How can somebody here suggest "they can find a way to do it somewhere else," isn't that just forcing your child to make bad decisions because you are not letting them grow up? If they want they will find a way? That is like a permission to do whatever the heck they want, as long as you, parents don't know about it. What I also found odd when I moved here, is that high school girls I worked with at a daycare told me they had sex as early as 13, none after 16 first time, in 90s. Yet, in my country almost no 16 year old that I knew had sex during my early teen years, there seems to be an idea that Europeans in general are promiscuous at an early age, I have witnessed exact opposite. I was appalled to hear that girls admitted to having sex at 13. When we were 13, we were seriously just kids in 80s in my country. Not even the most promiscuous girls or boys in my whole school had sex before 16, 17. I can't speak for all of Europe clearly. As I wrote, I wouldn't allow a sleepover, but I would and have allowed hanging out for several hours at my house.

I don't know who these high school girls were, working at a daycare (???), but I can assure you, the vast majority of 13 year olds in the U.S. are NOT sexually active. Are there some? Sure, just as there are certainly some that young having sex in Europe. The girls you are referring to are not the norm. At all.

I also grew up in the 80s, here in the U.S. We were most definitely "just kids" at that time. We were very much little girls in most ways, and NO ONE I knew was having sex. I think you've got a very distorted view of this country, simply from one conversation with a few promiscuous girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please see thread below: “18 year old daughter pregnant”
That will be the next one you’ll need your son to read!

In the meantime ask him to have a little more respect for the home he’s living in and the people in it.

Silly post. They're still going to do it.

Not with parental endorsement. Silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please see thread below: “18 year old daughter pregnant”
That will be the next one you’ll need your son to read!

In the meantime ask him to have a little more respect for the home he’s living in and the people in it.

Silly post. They're still going to do it.

Yes but they don’t have to push it in the face of parents (and possibly younger siblings). Raise a kid with more class than that!

+100
If my parents had raised me like that - "Sure, honey! Have Larlo sleepover anytime!" - I would have zero respect for them, both then and now. I had a friend in high school whose parents were exactly like that. Naturally, we all told our parents we were "spending the night" at her house when in reality, we'd stay out all night in Georgetown. Her parents had no problem with that, at all. And my friend hated her parents for being so permissive. She was so disrespectful and rude to them, and one time broke down saying she just wished they would give her some limits, like everyone else's parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just an anecdote from my life - my parents let my boyfriend come on a weekend trip with us when we were 16. They had known him and his family for years, and we had a strong friendship dating back to middle school. We didn't sleep in the same room, but my parents left us alone in the hotel for an evening. I wish they hadn't. The sex was totally respectful and consensual, but I was kind of done with the relationship and wish it hadn't escalated. I felt like of course I should take advantage of the opportunity to vacation together. It seemed cool and grown up. Meh. I wish they had said no.

A couple of years later I was secretly really relieved when my next boyfriend's parents rescinded an invitation to vacation with them after talking it over (divorced parents).

THIS. Sometimes kids just want their parents to BE PARENTS and say no. It takes the pressure off of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t drink until I was 21, but I did have sex starting at 17 and there would have been nothing creepier than my parents officially knowing about it. You’re old enough to screw when you’re old enough to keep it off your Mom and Dad’s radar. Until then, no endorsement. That means no sleepovers, OP.

THISSSSSSSSSSSS. I completely agree. I would have also been mortified if my parents had known or even invited my BF to spend the night. Weird!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why not? if they are being careful and her parents are ok with it I don't understand why you would say no. I was allowed to stay at my BF's house at 16. The only difference is I'm from Europe. I do think Americans are hypocrites about this. "If they want to have sex they will find a way" = ridiculous.

Europe is huge with many differing "norms" between countries and cultures. Why wife is from Europe and wouldn't allow it. I had a girlfriend in Italy (both 19 at the time) her parents would have stabbed me on the throat if they caught me in their place or her in mine over night.

True, but im from Norway and my parents did allow boys in my room and sleepovers. They also bought me condoms.

Then your parents are very much not the norm. Thankfully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why not? if they are being careful and her parents are ok with it I don't understand why you would say no. I was allowed to stay at my BF's house at 16. The only difference is I'm from Europe. I do think Americans are hypocrites about this. "If they want to have sex they will find a way" = ridiculous.

Europe is huge with many differing "norms" between countries and cultures. Why wife is from Europe and wouldn't allow it. I had a girlfriend in Italy (both 19 at the time) her parents would have stabbed me on the throat if they caught me in their place or her in mine over night.

True, but im from Norway and my parents did allow boys in my room and sleepovers. They also bought me condoms.

Nordic countries are different from Latin countries, we all know this.

[Anonymous]

I might say yes, as long as they agree to both join us for a family dinner - and then initiate a "protection" talk over dinner with both of them. Perhaps the embarrassment will prevent a repeat request.