DS wants his GF to sleep over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please see thread below: “18 year old daughter pregnant”
That will be the next one you’ll need your son to read!

In the meantime ask him to have a little more respect for the home he’s living in and the people in it.

Silly post. They're still going to do it.

Yes but they don’t have to push it in the face of parents (and possibly younger siblings). Raise a kid with more class than that!

[Anonymous]

I don't even like normal sleepovers, I'm not going to host romantic ones.

If she came from far away, however, that would be different. It would be like hosting an out of town guest. But a local girlfriend who can sleep in her own bed? No.

[Anonymous]

He had a taste of pound town on NYE and wants it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have never let him stay over on nye. To not drive home?!? You opened the door for him to drink and not worry about driving home. You should have picked him up. Two 16 year olds do not need to spend the night over each other houses. You are not bonding at night, you are sleeping. Sleep in your own bed.

OP here. NYE --I didn't want him on the roads with the other drivers who are likely intoxicated...not an issue of him driving drunk. Plus he and his friends don't drink. As for me picking him up...same issue. I don't want to be on the roads. If you think risking it to pick up your kid on NYE is worth it, that is your decision. I feel I made the right decision under the circumstances. Something about the tone of your post makes me believe you are an unhappy person PP. Try not to be so judgmental.

They don't drink? Really, how do you know this? Are you a mom from that show Black Mirror where kid has a video implant and mom can see everything? I am sorry to tell you, but you are extremely naïve, blind or both. The best of teens here drink, the worst of teens drink, non stop, they are just hiding it really good from a naïve parent like you. Probably even the girlfriend's parents don't know that kids drank, they sneak it in no matter where and when. You need to get a reality check.

OP here. That's right, they don't drink. I am confident of this fact. I am friendly with one of the other parents of his group of friends, and that is what we both like about this crowd. They are studious nerdy types. They like to go ice skating, watch movies, and play board games. The other mom told me her kid doesn't want to drink because he doesn't want to lose control. My DS has no interest at all and knows about my father's history of alcoholism. I actually offered him a taste of Baileys over the holidays and he turned it down. Believe it or not, there ARE kids out there who don't want to drink and parents who know this fact. Sorry you don't have kids like this, but don't judge parents who know their kids and what they are up to. Does my DS drink? No. Will he take a drink next week? I don't know. But I DO know he is not in situations where alcohol flows because he doesn't hang with that crowd. My DS is not perfect and I am pretty astute when it comes to finding out his wrong doings. This is not one of them.

As for the sex (as in intercourse), I don't know for sure. DS never even kissed a girl before this girl. I had a talk with him when he started getting serious with her (she was a friend for several months before they became romantic), and he said they "aren't doing that." I believe him because if he were, he would have simply taken my advice and not said anything. Again, is he having sex? Probably not. Will he do it next week. No way to know.

[Anonymous]

So what are you going to do, OP? Can she sleep over?

[Anonymous]

Sure OP, you could be right about no drinking, but you should also entertain a thought that you are wrong about it. And that other mom is also wrong about it. As for you knowing he is not in situations where alcohol floats, do not delude yourself into thinking that because other parents are home, nobody drinks. I hope you are right, many years of being a teen mom and working with teens, showed me the exact opposite is usually true. I have known so many best behaved teens, and they all drank and had sex.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't allow it. I'm far from a prude, but 16 is much too young to be opening your doors to love birds. Sex or not, no spending the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over New Years Eve, we let him stay at her house with a bunch of other kids (male and female) to avoid driving home after midnight. Now he thinks we should continue to let them have "sleepovers." He asked if she could stay last night along with another friend (a male). We said no. They were platonic friends for several months before becoming romantic over the past few weeks. They are 16. He thinks we are too strict...are we?

Are you kidding, OP? This is such a no-brainer. Cannot believe you'd even consider saying yes.

[Anonymous]

Just an anecdote from my life - my parents let my boyfriend come on a weekend trip with us when we were 16. They had known him and his family for years, and we had a strong friendship dating back to middle school. We didn't sleep in the same room, but my parents left us alone in the hotel for an evening. I wish they hadn't. The sex was totally respectful and consensual, but I was kind of done with the relationship and wish it hadn't escalated. I felt like of course I should take advantage of the opportunity to vacation together. It seemed cool and grown up. Meh. I wish they had said no.

A couple of years later I was secretly really relieved when my next boyfriend's parents rescinded an invitation to vacation with them after talking it over (divorced parents).

[Anonymous]

I'm very liberal, I would say no. Also remind about birth control.

[Anonymous]

LOL. Of course they've had sex. That's why they want the request.

I visited my long-term college boyfriend in the summer (he lived out of state). Slept in separate rooms in his house but we definitely still found a way to have sex.

So, yeah, that would be a no for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why not? if they are being careful and her parents are ok with it I don't understand why you would say no. I was allowed to stay at my BF's house at 16. The only difference is I'm from Europe. I do think Americans are hypocrites about this. "If they want to have sex they will find a way" = ridiculous.

Europe is huge with many differing "norms" between countries and cultures. Why wife is from Europe and wouldn't allow it. I had a girlfriend in Italy (both 19 at the time) her parents would have stabbed me on the throat if they caught me in their place or her in mine over night.

[Anonymous]

Sure, present them with them a welcome basket—flowers and champagne. Rose petals in the shape of a heart. Make sure you put some lube on the bed table. Just write a note, “be sure to keep ithe noise down love birds!”

You people are crazy as hell.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t drink until I was 21, but I did have sex starting at 17 and there would have been nothing creepier than my parents officially knowing about it. You’re old enough to screw when you’re old enough to keep it off your Mom and Dad’s radar. Until then, no endorsement. That means no sleepovers, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why not? if they are being careful and her parents are ok with it I don't understand why you would say no. I was allowed to stay at my BF's house at 16. The only difference is I'm from Europe. I do think Americans are hypocrites about this. "If they want to have sex they will find a way" = ridiculous.

Europe is huge with many differing "norms" between countries and cultures. Why wife is from Europe and wouldn't allow it. I had a girlfriend in Italy (both 19 at the time) her parents would have stabbed me on the throat if they caught me in their place or her in mine over night.

True, but im from Norway and my parents did allow boys in my room and sleepovers. They also bought me condoms.