Dating 38 year old guy, found out he's in the process of surrogacy

[Anonymous]

Yeah, the moving every year is concerning. What is that about? And the whole thing with financial aid - he’s a single guy who makes a good living, so I can’t imagine that there’s money/financial aid lying around out there for people like him to become parents. If he doesn’t have the money, I don’t imagine it’s going to happen for him.

I also wonder what his plan is going forward, if he does manage to become a single dad. He’s going to have to alter his lifestyle, obviously. Coaching theee sports night not be on the table anymore.

So I would sort this things out, and also think about whether you would be on board to join him in this endeavor should your relationship become serious. Lots to think about.

[Anonymous]

Btw, if this guy does a search about his situation as a 38 year old guy looking for a surrogate, he will find this thread. There’s lots of identifying information in your post - teacher, coach, single status, age, etc.

So either you are a troll making this up and don’t care, or you were foolish to include all of this and should ask for the thread to be removed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating a guy for almost 2 months. Last night at dinner he told me that 4 months ago he started the process of single surrogacy because he wants a child and hasn't found "the one" yet.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I have 2 kids myself from my previous marriage, we hadn't ever talked about if I wanted more kids or if he wanted kids, we were still getting to know each other.

He can't pay for the $50K costs, he is seeking some sort of financial assistance/finanacing to do this. He lives in a small 1 bedroom apartment. He has moved every year for the last 6 years to new apartments, so no steady "address". His family lives 3hrs away, so no local support. Due to his job, he works 12 hour days 3 days a week and 9 hour days the other 2.

I'm not sure what to think. What would bring a 38 year old never married, never had kids man to surrogacy on his own. What are the odds of this going through as a single male parent.

What things are you certain about and what are you worried about? If you are certain you don’t want the young infant phase with anyone, then be upfront about it. If he is certain he wants to be a biological father, then the relationship will not work because you don’t want to have another child with him or help raise a baby he has via a surrogate.

If you think, with the right person you might have another BUT you want to make sure you aren’t being pursued to be the unpaid nanny or surrogate then you have to give it time. Either he risks delaying things a year while you guys get to know each other OR he goes ahead with the surrogacy and you date him while he goes thru the process. Don’t move in, marry him, or combine finances for awhile so you know he is self sufficient. He won’t be able to work a full day coach 3 sports with an infant living hours away from his family.

[Anonymous]

This does not seem like a well-considered plan. Either OP is not explaining things well, or this guy has issues.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand - if you replace "man" with "woman" in OP's post, you all would be praising a 38 year old single woman for trying to have a baby on her own. Hypocrites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand - if you replace "man" with "woman" in OP's post, you all would be praising a 38 year old single woman for trying to have a baby on her own. Hypocrites.

Nah. Most people were more critical of his lifestyle than his desire to become a single parent.

[Anonymous]

Cool story bro! Best of the week.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like the opening of a Dateline episode.

[Anonymous]

Talk to him and let him know that you are suprised he is doing this when he is still actively dating women (you) and that there are still chances for a biological child without paying all that money.

Otherwise, run away quickly.

[Anonymous]

Once he has a baby the government will be handing him bags of money and in-kind benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand - if you replace "man" with "woman" in OP's post, you all would be praising a 38 year old single woman for trying to have a baby on her own. Hypocrites.

Huge differences biologically between a 38 yr old man and a 38 yr old woman. The latter is and should be desperate - she's literally in the last few years of fertility, if she even still is. A man? Generally not at all. Nothing hypocritical about it. OP's date certainly is odd.

[Anonymous]

Aww, I think he sounds sweet. My kids' school has a daycare for the teacher's kids - maybe he has that option at his school. Wish he were a bit more financially secure but his job sounds stable and maybe he has a support system that will enable this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand - if you replace "man" with "woman" in OP's post, you all would be praising a 38 year old single woman for trying to have a baby on her own. Hypocrites.

Huge differences biologically between a 38 yr old man and a 38 yr old woman. The latter is and should be desperate - she's literally in the last few years of fertility, if she even still is. A man? Generally not at all. Nothing hypocritical about it. OP's date certainly is odd.

+1. A man has, essentially, his entire life to father kids. His clock is not ticking.

[Anonymous]

The kid and surrogacy thing would be less odd to me if he wasn't on dating sites looking for dates and just happened to meet OP organically at the grocery store some place.

Most people I know who are single and have decided on surrogacy have given up the dating scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand - if you replace "man" with "woman" in OP's post, you all would be praising a 38 year old single woman for trying to have a baby on her own. Hypocrites.

Huge differences biologically between a 38 yr old man and a 38 yr old woman. The latter is and should be desperate - she's literally in the last few years of fertility, if she even still is. A man? Generally not at all. Nothing hypocritical about it. OP's date certainly is odd.

+1. A man has, essentially, his entire life to father kids. His clock is not ticking.

I can see the rush for other reasons mybe his parents are ill or ageing and he wants the chance to give them a grandchild before the die.

It's not so much his desire for kids that is the red flag for me. In ddition to what seems to be a lack of financial stability I'd wonder why no other woman has snatched him up. He's a nice guy, with a good career, that wants kids there are literally 100s of women who are looking for that so why hasn't he been able to find that or commit to someone?