Reply to Dating 38 year old guy, found out he's in the process of surrogacy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've been dating a guy for almost 2 months. Last night at dinner he told me that 4 months ago he started the process of single surrogacy because he wants a child and hasn't found "the one" yet.

[b]I'm not sure how I feel about this.[/b] I have 2 kids myself from my previous marriage, we hadn't ever talked about if I wanted more kids or if he wanted kids, we were still getting to know each other.

He can't pay for the $50K costs, he is seeking some sort of financial assistance/finanacing to do this. He lives in a small 1 bedroom apartment. He has moved every year for the last 6 years to new apartments, so no steady "address". His family lives 3hrs away, so no local support. Due to his job, he works 12 hour days 3 days a week and 9 hour days the other 2.

[b]I'm not sure what to think.  What would bring a 38 year old never married, never had kids man to surrogacy on his own.  What are the odds of this going through as a single male parent.[/b][/quote]

What things are you certain about and what are you worried about?  If you are certain you don’t want the young infant phase with anyone, then be upfront about it.  If he is certain he wants to be a biological father, then the relationship will not work because you don’t want to have another child with him or help raise a baby he has via a surrogate.

If you think, with the right person you might have another BUT you want to make sure you aren’t being pursued to be the unpaid nanny or surrogate then you have to give it time.  Either he risks delaying things a year while you guys get to know each other OR he goes ahead with the surrogacy and you date him while he goes thru the process.  Don’t move in, marry him, or combine finances for awhile so you know he is self sufficient.  He won’t be able to work a full day coach 3 sports with an infant living hours away from his family.
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