Question for fellow SAHM's with HHI in the $200-$250k range

[Anonymous]

SAHM - I make all the decisions and my husband gets to do all the work with my help. He has no issue with me doing improvements but would prefer me to pay for labor than force him to do it, which I often do. My husband doesn't care what I do or spend as long as I don't make us broke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NOT.AT.ALL. DH even admits we can afford to do what I want. He does not spend much on himself (I encourage him to spend more on himself) - I think this is part of the issue. He cannot imagine what it feels like to have a material desire. Of any kind.

Does he have a long term plan for the money?

Yes. Get lots of it. And then keep it.

That is not a terrible plan. God knows I wish I'd lived that way for more years of my life.

Why do you need these countertops?

[Anonymous]

It's not HHI if you stay home. It's his income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Often the SAH parent is more in tune with home values and updates than the non-SAH parent. I'm a SAHM and my husband was indeed initially resistant to large-scale projects (and by large I mean kitchen or basement reno, not 4,000sqft addition), but he would come around when I'd point out that other families with similar incomes and homes had recently done it.

This is a very subtle troll post, bravo!!

OP these are not modest improvements , especially since granite is DONE, and he knows you will be itching to renovate the whole kitchen in 5 years tossing out your perfectly good counter top.

And you know home renovation is comsumptive purpose, not investment. You may get back $0.50 on the dollar spent.

What you need to do is buy your husband time -- find some other way to cut your expenses so he sees how important it is. It *is* your job to communicate what is important to the family; if you believe this counter and floor are important then show him don't tell him. Action!

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM and we decide together. We try to one thing a year around bonus time. Unfortunately this year it was nothing fun 2 new HVACs. You should still have a say marriage is a partnership. We actually have a separate account for home improvements.

[Anonymous]

It's not HHI if you stay home. It's his income.

presumably she works at home. this is labor as well and has value--the idea that she has no power or right over their income because she has chosen to take on unpaid labor as an offset to what otherwise would be a joint expense (childcare and other forms of house work) is sexist and outdated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's not HHI if you stay home. It's his income.

presumably she works at home. this is labor as well and has value--the idea that she has no power or right over their income because she has chosen to take on unpaid labor as an offset to what otherwise would be a joint expense (childcare and other forms of house work) is sexist and outdated.

I generally agree with this but let's be serious non nanny/housekeeper is making 250 k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Often the SAH parent is more in tune with home values and updates than the non-SAH parent. I'm a SAHM and my husband was indeed initially resistant to large-scale projects (and by large I mean kitchen or basement reno, not 4,000sqft addition), but he would come around when I'd point out that other families with similar incomes and homes had recently done it.

This is a very subtle troll post, bravo!!

OP these are not modest improvements , especially since granite is DONE, and he knows you will be itching to renovate the whole kitchen in 5 years tossing out your perfectly good counter top.

And you know home renovation is comsumptive purpose, not investment. You may get back $0.50 on the dollar spent.

What you need to do is buy your husband time -- find some other way to cut your expenses so he sees how important it is. It *is* your job to communicate what is important to the family; if you believe this counter and floor are important then show him don't tell him. Action!
[/quote

Good heavens, I'm the PP and this isn't a troll post, subtle or otherwise. Who said anything about granite? Do you not know that you can update a kitchen or basement on a modest level? Especially if you're affording a house on the stated salary.

My point is that home improvement may not be on the working spouse's radar as much. When we moved into our modest house, it was in livable condition but very outdated in many ways. About 10 years in, the kitchen cabinets were pulling away from the wall; the flooring can't been set properly during an '80s renovation by previous owners; and the flow of the house was quite dependent on making changes, especially as we added kids to the small space. Another 20 years later, we saw that our neighbors with similar incomes and homes were carving livable spaces out of their basements. Again, a working spouse spending long days in an office may not have the time or inclination to see how a home could be improved with a relatively minor investment.

And yes on your point that the process requires time for the working spouse to come around to the idea. Crunching the numbers, refinancing, getting a feel for what the job would cost from different contractors and tucking it away until all ducks are in a row.

And again, good heavens, anyone who has lived through a kitchen or basement reno isn't itching to repeat the process anytime soon.

Chill out, PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not HHI if you stay home. It's his income.

The 1950s want you back, great-gramps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP are you the same person who started the thread about SAHMs and their working spouses disagreeing about purchases under $200? if so I think you have bigger problems in your relationship.

Another brilliant DCUM detective trying to sleuth out repetitive OPs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also said no to home improvements when my now ex-DW demanded them. I knew she was plotting a divorce, and she wanted the house all fixed up so she could live there and cash in on the equity.

Also, home improvements never pay off. You are much better off putting the money into a low-fee Vanguard fund and buying a nicer house with the proceeds one day.

What does your poor marital relations have to do with OP's question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not HHI if you stay home. It's his income.

The 1950s want you back, great-gramps.

Think you've got the wrong person in the 50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not HHI if you stay home. It's his income.

I am a WOHM and the above statement is incorrect, wrong and deliberately cruel. There is plenty of work done by SAHMs, plenty to manage at home, of course this sort of decision should be joint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not HHI if you stay home. It's his income.

presumably she works at home. this is labor as well and has value--the idea that she has no power or right over their income because she has chosen to take on unpaid labor as an offset to what otherwise would be a joint expense (childcare and other forms of house work) is sexist and outdated.

I generally agree with this but let's be serious non nanny/housekeeper is making 250 k

If courts thought this way them SAHMs should not be eligible for 50% of net worth. Thank God society and courts put more value on a wife, mom who chooses to stay at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not HHI if you stay home. It's his income.

The 1950s want you back, great-gramps.

Think you've got the wrong person in the 50s.

For real yet no one seems to see it.

My husband and I project together. He never tells me no.

I guess that Woman's March didn't mean anything. Some of you are still not marriage partners.