Question for fellow SAHM's with HHI in the $200-$250k range

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nonworking women don't have to file a tax return. They have zero income. They sign THEIR HUSBAND's tax return in order to reap the (unjust) tax benefits relating to being married -- like a higher primary home capital gains tax exemption, and a dependent deduction. Your husband can file his own tax return without your signature. He'd just have to pay more tax. People without income (stay at home moms) don't HAVE to file or sign a tax return.

It's ridiculous to say "our HHI" if it's your husband's income. Yes, it's your "shared money". But it's not your income. Money is a thing you have. Income is a thing you EARN. It would be like a sahm saying casually in conversation that "we have 20 monthly household PTA hours" when her husband's never been inside the school.

You realize that HHI does not stand for personal income, right? That would be PI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nonworking women don't have to file a tax return. They have zero income. They sign THEIR HUSBAND's tax return in order to reap the (unjust) tax benefits relating to being married -- like a higher primary home capital gains tax exemption, and a dependent deduction. Your husband can file his own tax return without your signature. He'd just have to pay more tax. People without income (stay at home moms) don't HAVE to file or sign a tax return.

It's ridiculous to say "our HHI" if it's your husband's income. Yes, it's your "shared money". But it's not your income. Money is a thing you have. Income is a thing you EARN. It would be like a sahm saying casually in conversation that "we have 20 monthly household PTA hours" when her husband's never been inside the school.

You realize that HHI does not stand for personal income, right? That would be PI.

One and the same if she's not earning money. Why is this even a question?

[Anonymous]

I have the opposite issue. DH wants to spend money on renovations projects while I would rather be more frugal and spread projects out so we're not in debt. We sit and discuss and come up with a timeline that works for both of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nonworking women don't have to file a tax return. They have zero income. They sign THEIR HUSBAND's tax return in order to reap the (unjust) tax benefits relating to being married -- like a higher primary home capital gains tax exemption, and a dependent deduction. Your husband can file his own tax return without your signature. He'd just have to pay more tax. People without income (stay at home moms) don't HAVE to file or sign a tax return.

It's ridiculous to say "our HHI" if it's your husband's income. Yes, it's your "shared money". But it's not your income. Money is a thing you have. Income is a thing you EARN. It would be like a sahm saying casually in conversation that "we have 20 monthly household PTA hours" when her husband's never been inside the school.

You realize that HHI does not stand for personal income, right? That would be PI.

One and the same if she's not earning money. Why is this even a question?

You are due for an economics refresher course

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not HHI if you stay home. It's his income.

presumably she works at home. this is labor as well and has value--the idea that she has no power or right over their income because she has chosen to take on unpaid labor as an offset to what otherwise would be a joint expense (childcare and other forms of house work) is sexist and outdated.

I work at home too in addition to my full time job.

It sounds like you've made poor choices in life but you want a pat on the back for it.

Are you proud of your need to slave all day and night?

[Anonymous]

That's a really low income in this area to stay at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's a really low income in this area to stay at home.

No but you forget, it makes her "rich" according to the poor people on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's a really low income in this area to stay at home.

No but you forget, it makes her "rich" according to the poor people on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not HHI if you stay home. It's his income.

presumably she works at home. this is labor as well and has value--the idea that she has no power or right over their income because she has chosen to take on unpaid labor as an offset to what otherwise would be a joint expense (childcare and other forms of house work) is sexist and outdated.

I work at home too in addition to my full time job.

It sounds like you've made poor choices in life but you want a pat on the back for it.

Are you proud of your need to slave all day and night?

I'll give her a pat on the back. I love hard-working women, they are the only women I'll be in a relationship with. And I also work at home in addition to my full-time professional job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's a really low income in this area to stay at home.

No but you forget, it makes her "rich" according to the poor people on DCUM.

Don't get your panties in a wad now.

[Anonymous]

I think that if you're married to a man who is happy to have a SAH spouse, but treats her like a child or subordinate who has to ask for money, then you should have gone back to work. This whole scenario is icky to me.

So she has devoted her life to caring for this home, and she thought she was pulling her weight in this partnership, but she has no ability to make financial decisions about the home?

I would say she should talk to him about improving the resale value and maintaining the home, but the whole idea that she has to present a business plan to her husband to remodel her own home is ... yeah, icky.

[Anonymous]

Also, lots of my male friends with Sah wives are technically supportive of the arrangement, but it doesn't mean they don't resent that they're the only ones working.

Lol. Translation: "I like what I get out of it but resent what I have to put into it".

[Anonymous]

First thing: Is spending a big issue for the two of you? When you have to buy a new car, is the dynamic similar? IF so, seems to me you have a difference in priorities (earn money to live now versus earn money to save for later.)

Second thing: When you have different values than someone else, blowing off their concerns-- "we make plenty of money, it's not such a big expense, and we can afford it"--generally doesn't solve the disagreement. You need to have a conversation with him about his concerns and not just try to talk him out of his concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that if you're married to a man who is happy to have a SAH spouse, but treats her like a child or subordinate who has to ask for money, then you should have gone back to work. This whole scenario is icky to me.

So she has devoted her life to caring for this home, and she thought she was pulling her weight in this partnership, but she has no ability to make financial decisions about the home?

I would say she should talk to him about improving the resale value and maintaining the home, but the whole idea that she has to present a business plan to her husband to remodel her own home is ... yeah, icky.

As pointed out above, few renovations will pay off for selling a house. You are better off pocketing what you would pay for a new bathroom and taking a smaller hit when selling.

And the reason some SAHM are treated like children is that some of them act like children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First thing: Is spending a big issue for the two of you? When you have to buy a new car, is the dynamic similar? IF so, seems to me you have a difference in priorities (earn money to live now versus earn money to save for later.)

Second thing: When you have different values than someone else, blowing off their concerns-- "we make plenty of money, it's not such a big expense, and we can afford it"--generally doesn't solve the disagreement. You need to have a conversation with him about his concerns and not just try to talk him out of his concerns.

OP here. Its interesting. So for instance my W/D are 15 years old and I'd like new ones. Washer is moldy and smells, dryer takes FOREVER. According to DH, they still work so we are keeping them. However, WHEN one of them does eventually crap out completely, we will shop for new ones and he will be fine with anything I want (within reason.) Car shopping tends to go fine as well.

The problem here is that what I want is totally cosmetic (I fully admit this) and he doesn't want to spend money on cosmetic upgrades. Its just a difference of priority.

I'm making my peace with it. I still say we can easily afford it, but its not worth the tension its causing. He is overall a great husband.