Question for fellow SAHM's with HHI in the $200-$250k range

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another "freeloading" SAHM, now SAHW. I've been at home for over 25 years. Married nearly 30 years. My DH loves that I am at home. I love being at home. I love decorating, cleaning, cooking, gardening, volunteering, taking care of my DH and our kids, etc. The money he earns is "our money". He would be the first to tell you that. He doesn't care how I spend it. I pay all the bills and manage our finances. If I wanted to do some home improvements, he would assume I had budged appropriately. If anything, he asks me before spending.

I think some of you have a very weird idea about how marriage should work. And it has nothing to do with who earns the money.

For you it doesn't but I would feel like a freeloader if I didn't bring in half the income. Different marriages work differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not HHI if you stay home. It's his income.

I am a WOHM and the above statement is incorrect, wrong and deliberately cruel. There is plenty of work done by SAHMs, plenty to manage at home, of course this sort of decision should be joint.

The point is that it's not her income. Plain and simple. No one said her contribution isn't valuable. But it's not income.

Then why does she have to sign the tax return?

Because she's essentially a dependent ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not HHI if you stay home. It's his income.

I am a WOHM and the above statement is incorrect, wrong and deliberately cruel. There is plenty of work done by SAHMs, plenty to manage at home, of course this sort of decision should be joint.

The point is that it's not her income. Plain and simple. No one said her contribution isn't valuable. But it's not income.

Then why does she have to sign the tax return?

Because she's essentially a dependent ?

Dependents don't sign dumb dumb.

[Anonymous]

Nonworking women don't have to file a tax return. They have zero income. They sign THEIR HUSBAND's tax return in order to reap the (unjust) tax benefits relating to being married -- like a higher primary home capital gains tax exemption, and a dependent deduction. Your husband can file his own tax return without your signature. He'd just have to pay more tax. People without income (stay at home moms) don't HAVE to file or sign a tax return.

It's ridiculous to say "our HHI" if it's your husband's income. Yes, it's your "shared money". But it's not your income. Money is a thing you have. Income is a thing you EARN. It would be like a sahm saying casually in conversation that "we have 20 monthly household PTA hours" when her husband's never been inside the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nonworking women don't have to file a tax return. They have zero income. They sign THEIR HUSBAND's tax return in order to reap the (unjust) tax benefits relating to being married -- like a higher primary home capital gains tax exemption, and a dependent deduction. Your husband can file his own tax return without your signature. He'd just have to pay more tax. People without income (stay at home moms) don't HAVE to file or sign a tax return.

It's ridiculous to say "our HHI" if it's your husband's income. Yes, it's your "shared money". But it's not your income. Money is a thing you have. Income is a thing you EARN. It would be like a sahm saying casually in conversation that "we have 20 monthly household PTA hours" when her husband's never been inside the school.

Have you ever looked at a 1040?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nonworking women don't have to file a tax return. They have zero income. They sign THEIR HUSBAND's tax return in order to reap the (unjust) tax benefits relating to being married -- like a higher primary home capital gains tax exemption, and a dependent deduction. Your husband can file his own tax return without your signature. He'd just have to pay more tax. People without income (stay at home moms) don't HAVE to file or sign a tax return.

It's ridiculous to say "our HHI" if it's your husband's income. Yes, it's your "shared money". But it's not your income. Money is a thing you have. Income is a thing you EARN. It would be like a sahm saying casually in conversation that "we have 20 monthly household PTA hours" when her husband's never been inside the school.

Have you ever looked at a 1040?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

No, not normal. I am right now SAHM, since June though, but was SAHM on and off for the last 18 years. Decisions are made mutually by DH and me, but mostly I am the driving force for interior and he for exterior. I also support(not financially clearly right now, but when I worked financially too) his antique motorcycle and car habit. Right now, I am painting our kitchen cabinets and will buy new counter tops, as a compromise to save money and not buy brand new cabinets as well. He is happy to have reached this compromise, but generally I do what I want. With the caveat that I am not a big spender on just about anything, and I would never make decisions that we can't afford or would ruin us.

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course a collaborative discussion! And once something had been decided, the product selection and "look" is also collaborative.

[Anonymous]

I am confused as to dependent argument here. SAHM since June here, so yes technically, I am dependent on my husband's income. That is what it is and I don't see any problem with it. However, my DH is not a jerk and this is our mutual decision that makes him more happy than me. Not for sexist reasons, my teen DD has ADHD and has made some irresponsible choices(nothing huge) and we both feel that she needs somebody to be with her. Issues were when she was home alone in the afternoons due to us both working and having to travel for work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nonworking women don't have to file a tax return. They have zero income. They sign THEIR HUSBAND's tax return in order to reap the (unjust) tax benefits relating to being married -- like a higher primary home capital gains tax exemption, and a dependent deduction. Your husband can file his own tax return without your signature. He'd just have to pay more tax. People without income (stay at home moms) don't HAVE to file or sign a tax return.

It's ridiculous to say "our HHI" if it's your husband's income. Yes, it's your "shared money". But it's not your income. Money is a thing you have. Income is a thing you EARN. It would be like a sahm saying casually in conversation that "we have 20 monthly household PTA hours" when her husband's never been inside the school.

I have to file or it would not get done. Some sham have investments and we pay taxes on that.

[Anonymous]

I can relate to the husband. DW works but I make quite a bit more than her. I pay all the bills so she does not see where the money goes. I do not mind spending money for things of value but it drives me crazy when DW buys things large and small and cannot even tell me the cost of the item or items purchased. When she does her research and makes an informed and not impulsive decision, I do not object at all.

[Anonymous]

Have you asked him what he wants to do with his income? Is he hoping to live a great life later when he can spend time as well as money? Is he saving money for a nursing home? You have to get him to want to live a little now, but he may not see why he even needs a house at all if he works all the time. Do you live in a tear down and money spent is money wasted? It might be better and easier to just move. You might try to get him to budget in remodeling for a later date. Let him build up money designated for that purpose so he has time to accept letting go of it. Slowly introduce him to samples of the kinds of improvements you feel would benefit the entire family. If he sees it he just might begin to want it. Or at least not see it as unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

^ Forgot to add, we spent every dime on our children's education. Big3 and college. Will continue to help support as much as possible as long as possible. Have really embraced the DIY method of maximizing benefit/cost of home improvement and have done some great things, together. But those are shared values. Wasted money on a few things too, so give your ideas time to see if they are really what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nonworking women don't have to file a tax return. They have zero income. They sign THEIR HUSBAND's tax return in order to reap the (unjust) tax benefits relating to being married -- like a higher primary home capital gains tax exemption, and a dependent deduction. Your husband can file his own tax return without your signature. He'd just have to pay more tax. People without income (stay at home moms) don't HAVE to file or sign a tax return.

It's ridiculous to say "our HHI" if it's your husband's income. Yes, it's your "shared money". But it's not your income. Money is a thing you have. Income is a thing you EARN. It would be like a sahm saying casually in conversation that "we have 20 monthly household PTA hours" when her husband's never been inside the school.

After divorce, he will be paying her alimony, which will be her income. Might as well prepare for the it now.

[Anonymous]

Struggle is real at that low incomes. You are doing the right thing for your family.