DH has a bank account I didn't know about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has about $300,000 worth of stock in it. I didn't know about this account. He says it is for "us". But if that was so, then why do I not know about it? This all came to light when we were talking about budgeting and how to spend less on the credit card. We have minimal debt, other than the house payment but dh worries about it. That's when he mentioned that account. It's not retirement or college account. It is just sitting there. Meanwhile, I've been scrimping and saving to pay for kids activities, etc, nevermind clothing or whatever for me. All this time that money was there. He says he just didn't think to lay everything out and it wasn't purposeful. He has always been tight with money but I didn't think of him as being dishonest. Would you be upset about this?

I work full time. My paycheck goes into the joint account. He knows where my money is. It feels unfair.

If you're "scrimping and saving" and have $5K in consumer debt on $220K per year you're doing something wrong. Even worse if he's the sole earner because that means a significant amount of that $220K isn't subject to SS withholdings.

Op has clearly stated she works full time. Depending on where they live and their mortgage payment, it's not hard to imagine things are tight if they're maxing out retirement savings and paying for childcare. Especially if her dh is taking money out for investing every month!!

[Anonymous]

Smart move in his part, unfortunately you found out so he could have been better hiding it. I'd hide it too, especially if he had it before you were married. He sounds like a smart investor and he probably is very good had analyzing stats and odds. I'm sure he knows that most marriages end in divorce and that his financial assets are at stake. Statistics show men take the financial hit in divorce and I'm sure he's hedging his his bets on the most likely outcome. Let's be honest, a prenup is probably out of the question for you so he took this route. Was it the best route? Probably not, he wasn't honest. But would you have gotten married if he insisted on a prenuptial agreement?

[Anonymous]

So if you knew about the money earlier, you wouldn't be scrimping? The guy saves money, at least it's not more debt!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not bad with money. I have under 5k in debt. I'm responsible. I work hard. Not sure where that came from.

With a HHI of $220k if you have $5k in credit card debt then you are in fact bad with money. Instead of getting offended, why don't you ask him to teach you how to do it also. He's probably investing the same amount that you are paying in monthly credit card payments

[Anonymous]

I don't see an issue. If he was hiding debt then I would be upset. You just found out you are $300k richer than you knew yesterday. Win!

[Anonymous]

You buy purses and shoes, he buys stocks. What's the problem again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Smart move in his part, unfortunately you found out so he could have been better hiding it. I'd hide it too, especially if he had it before you were married. He sounds like a smart investor and he probably is very good had analyzing stats and odds. I'm sure he knows that most marriages end in divorce and that his financial assets are at stake. Statistics show men take the financial hit in divorce and I'm sure he's hedging his his bets on the most likely outcome. Let's be honest, a prenup is probably out of the question for you so he took this route. Was it the best route? Probably not, he wasn't honest. But would you have gotten married if he insisted on a prenuptial agreement?

Not OP but it's not really that smart for the reason you suggest since it would easily be discoverable during divorce proceedings and subject to distribution.

[Anonymous]

Get your name on the bank account. If he balks then that raises questions. Since that money wasn't from an inheritance, gift or $ he had before marriage, you own half of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How odd. Women on this site constantly advise other women to have secret bank accounts.

Maybe he's prepping!

+1 He's getting ready to dump you.

[Anonymous]

So he's an ass for being responsible and saving money? He told you about the account, you didn't have to snoop to find it. There are some real dumbasses giving advice on here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he's an ass for being responsible and saving money? He told you about the account, you didn't have to snoop to find it. There are some real dumbasses giving advice on here

He told her after twenty years. It's not like he's been forthright about its existence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How odd. Women on this site constantly advise other women to have secret bank accounts.

Maybe he's prepping!

+1 He's getting ready to dump you.

And yet casually mentioned it? Yea, that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the money from an inheritance? His parents? Stock windfall from a former employer? What's your hhi?

Not an inheritance. Together we make about 220 K.

You can't figure out how to quit using a credit card with a HHI 0f $220k? Then you state you aren't bad with money. Do you see any problem here?

[Anonymous]

Ask him to take $5000 of it and pay off your credit card debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How odd. Women on this site constantly advise other women to have secret bank accounts.

Maybe he's prepping!

+1 He's getting ready to dump you.

And yet casually mentioned it? Yea, that makes sense.

It wasn't exactly hidden dumbass. Its on every tax return for the last 20 years