DH has a bank account I didn't know about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started an account for my DC when born and told DH- he was on board. After 15 years of investing it grew and we file joint tax returns- with growth stocks there aren't a ton of dividends. We each work and pay household bills equally. His "extra" he spent and "my extra" went to this account for our child. Now separating and he wants half! Just stinks! Dear OP the money is half yours so don't worry about it.

That is your kid's money. It should not be touched and left for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's some disconnect on his part if he's squirreling away $ and yet comfortable paying god knows what percent on CC interest. You said you had even more debt earlier in your marriage! It's very possible the gains on the principal and dividends are wiped out by CC interest you've paid -not very smart.

I'd
1. Buy a bottle of champagne to celebrate the $
2. Demand to be added to the account
3. Pay off our debt and then cut up our credit cards
4. Adjust spending and what $ gets skimmed into the account for investments so that we're not in the red each month
5. Get myself educated about $
6. Get on the same page about spending and saving priorities.

OP said earlier that it's not credit card debt it's just the monthly charges for they incur on the card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, thank you everybody. What a wide range of responses. I appreciate them, especially the positive ones. I've been thinking about the statement that I'm not good with money. Originally, I took that to mean that I was spending too much or being irresponsible. But now, after reading about different sort of accounts, tax issues, etc, I see that I have a lot to learn. I know enough to have a finanancial advisor to manage my retirement options and accounts that I started long ago for college. Thats the extent of my financial knowledge. I put my trust in the professional.

I don't blow money on purses and shoes as someone said. I don't spend frivolously--although no judgement on those who love nice accessories, etc. I think that we could use what we bring home to pay off the $5k. That isn't something that's accumulating. I meant on average we will havevabout $5k on our
cards.

I don't think my dh is thinking of leaving. There's no evidence of that, at least. I think this has been a hobby of his and it's an account he has slowly built up over the years. I don't feel he is trying to pull the wool over my eyes, but I think he was being selfish and he wanted to keep it to himself. He's not one to buy expensive things. He just likes to see the account grow.

I know "selfish" is a strong way to describe someone so I don't use that lightly. While my kids were little, I was a SAHM for a couple years. We didn't have as much income bc I wasn't earning a paycheck. During this time, we had more debt. We bought a house at the height of the real estate bubble, etc. so we had higher bills (we have since refinanced). Anyway, my grandmother passed and left me an inheritance of about $30K. Instead of keeping that for just myself, I paid off our debt. It didn't occur to me to not spend it on us. Maybe that was fiscally unwise, but it didn't feel right to have that and not share with him.

Anyway, thank you again for weighing in. You've given me a lot to think about.

These two statements are inconsistent with each other. Having actively managed accounts is a frivolous expense. Take a few hours or a day and read the Bogleheads wiki and manage these yourself. You are literally throwing away thousands of dollars on fees with actively managed funds.

So, everyone who uses a financial advisor is using money frivolously?? That makes no sense.

Yup!

True for most people. Unless you have an extremely complicated tax or legal situation, there is no reason to do this.

It does require some taking ownership/initiative

Not everyone has the time to that. I mean if that is your thought process, you should never pay for any service...

Original PP here and no, it really doesn't take that long to set up a three fund lazy portfolio. Even easier, Vanguard has life cycle funds for taxable accounts although I think the expense ratios are slightly higher than if you were to do the lazy portfolio but still far lower than actively managed funds.

The problem with actively managed funds is that they take a % of AUM every year so it's continuing to erode your wealth. In addition, actively managed funds typically don't perform as well as index funds so you're also getting lower performance on top of those high expense ratios. It truly is frivolous and wasteful spending. It is one area where spending an hour or two of reading will yield incredible returns on the time invested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's some disconnect on his part if he's squirreling away $ and yet comfortable paying god knows what percent on CC interest. You said you had even more debt earlier in your marriage! It's very possible the gains on the principal and dividends are wiped out by CC interest you've paid -not very smart.

I'd
1. Buy a bottle of champagne to celebrate the $
2. Demand to be added to the account
3. Pay off our debt and then cut up our credit cards
4. Adjust spending and what $ gets skimmed into the account for investments so that we're not in the red each month
5. Get myself educated about $
6. Get on the same page about spending and saving priorities.

OP said earlier that it's not credit card debt it's just the monthly charges for they incur on the card.

That's not what I got from what she said. She said she thinks they could use what they bring home to pay off the 5k. If they have no CC debt they are already paying $5k every month. And she said she used her inheritance to pay off debt. If they pay it off every month they don't need to use an inheritance to do that.

[Anonymous]

Hey people, it's a stock account. It's not a liquid bank account. Converting this to cash is expensive and taxes will kick in. Stop acting like he has $300k in cash sitting under his mattress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's some disconnect on his part if he's squirreling away $ and yet comfortable paying god knows what percent on CC interest. You said you had even more debt earlier in your marriage! It's very possible the gains on the principal and dividends are wiped out by CC interest you've paid -not very smart.

I'd
1. Buy a bottle of champagne to celebrate the $
2. Demand to be added to the account
3. Pay off our debt and then cut up our credit cards
4. Adjust spending and what $ gets skimmed into the account for investments so that we're not in the red each month
5. Get myself educated about $
6. Get on the same page about spending and saving priorities.

OP said earlier that it's not credit card debt it's just the monthly charges for they incur on the card.

That's not what I got from what she said. She said she thinks they could use what they bring home to pay off the 5k. If they have no CC debt they are already paying $5k every month. And she said she used her inheritance to pay off debt. If they pay it off every month they don't need to use an inheritance to do that.

From OP's post at 13:41 she said "I think that we could use what we bring home to pay off the $5k. That isn't something that's accumulating. I meant on average we will havevabout $5k on our cards." That last sentence made me think it's just their monthly spend. Maybe she had other debt like medical debt or student loans that she paid off with her inheritance.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be upset. He told you. I'd be upset if he was intentionally trying to hide it and I discovered the ledger in his sock drawer.

Look, some guys play golf, some build model airplanes, some open off-shore gambling accounts and bet on sports. It sounds like your DH has stocks as a hobby. It likely started small and grew with success. He likely revealed it now to share his success, we all want someone to notice when we are successful, and so you'd be more comfortable with him investing and he can do it out in the open.

Ultimately, this is a good thing. It's marital property, so you don't need to sweat it. The fact that he's kept the family on a budget is also a good thing. That leads to early retirement and the ability to enjoy these successes. Relax. Be happy. It's like you just found a winning lottery ticket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've Been married for almost 20 years. He has always been frugal, which was attractive to me bc I saw that as very responsible and that I could not be so worried about money. So, isn't this an interesting turn of events. Ugh I just didn't feel like I had to have my guard up. I've known him forever. This seems surreal. He acts as if I'm crazy to be concerned.

$5k, that is for children's camps, clothes, helping out family...if that's being bad with money then yes, I guess I am.

Why is that debt? That sounds like it should be annual expenses. Why are you helping out family when you are tightly budgeted?

[Anonymous]

OP, is it actual stocks? Or is he investing in crypto currency, like Bitcoin, Ethereum, etc?

I ask because crypto currencies have been on a massive tear over the last year. I have a friend who invested $10K in Bitcoin 2 years ago and his holdings are currently worth north of $2.5m. This is just a normal guy who lucked out.

Ethereum was launched last year at $15/ETH and is now worth $100 each.

That areas has had massive gains in a short period of time. If he put in only $5-10K, the account could easily be worth $300K+ in only a couple years.