How much support for dh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you've always gone to the event AND you've forgiven your husband, then go.

Don't overthink it. Hold your head high, be charming and engaging and screw anyone who thinks they can sit and judge another couple.

+1

personally, I hate going to my DH's work events and don't go unless it seems obligatory. but if I otherwise went, I wouldn't change course because of potential gossip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The behavior is probably mostly forgotten, but your absence will refresh it in peoples minds. If they see that you've forgiven him and moved on, they're more likely to do the same.

Doing worry about what others think of you, they don't pay your mortgage, right?
They're not there for the day to day.
You see them what? one or two times a year?
They mean nothing.

Please don't be like other posters on this board who live their lives worrying about what other people think of them. That's wasted time & SO much wasted energy... allowing it only gives them power over you & your emotions.

Never give up your power, especially to those who virtually mean nothing to you.

[Anonymous]

Is this a one hour cocktail party or a weekend away trip? Generally, I feel that if you have forgiven him, then put on a brave face and show up.

[Anonymous]

Do DH got frisky with a coworker and there were witnesses? Nothing else would explain why OP would be embarrassed abut something her DH did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The behavior is probably mostly forgotten, but your absence will refresh it in peoples minds. If they see that you've forgiven him and moved on, they're more likely to do the same.

Doing worry about what others think of you, they don't pay your mortgage, right?
They're not there for the day to day.
You see them what? one or two times a year?
They mean nothing.

Please don't be like other posters on this board who live their lives worrying about what other people think of them. That's wasted time & SO much wasted energy... allowing it only gives them power over you & your emotions.

Never give up your power, especially to those who virtually mean nothing to you.

Amen, I agree with both posters quoted here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he cheated do not go.

If he got drunk and pissed in the punch go.

I'm inclined to agree with this.

+1

[Anonymous]

Is his girlfriend going to be there, too?

[Anonymous]

OP - can't you give more detail about what your husband did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The behavior is probably mostly forgotten, but your absence will refresh it in peoples minds. If they see that you've forgiven him and moved on, they're more likely to do the same.

Doing worry about what others think of you, they don't pay your mortgage, right?
They're not there for the day to day.
You see them what? one or two times a year?
They mean nothing.

Please don't be like other posters on this board who live their lives worrying about what other people think of them. That's wasted time & SO much wasted energy... allowing it only gives them power over you & your emotions.

Never give up your power, especially to those who virtually mean nothing to you.

Amen, I agree with both posters quoted here.

OP here: Thanks everyone. I do care what people think of me, but I need to learn not to. I really like the bolded statement above and I need to remember it.
During this experience, I also realized I don't have a friend whom I can tell this to without feeling judged and that's pretty sad. But that's another post.

I'm sorry, I can't give details. I will say that it wasn't cheating and did not involve grabbing someone's a$$.

I do work and we have kids so I could come up with the excuse, but it is something we have done every year so I will probably go.

[Anonymous]

Well, if it's mismanaging money in any way (the crime), leave your tiara at home and be mindful of his reputation as a thief. Be graceful and wear something understated.

As much as you're thinking negative thoughts, imagine that many of the men there may be thinking, "Man, my DW would still be breaking my balls over that incident, and here she is being supportive! I'm not that lucky." It's just a thought.

[Anonymous]

What kind of friend judges you for something your husband has done? Go or don't go, whatever feels easier to you, but stop worrying about it. Instead, focus on more important things like finding real friends and learning to let go of caring what others think of you.

[Anonymous]

Actually, you MUST go, be gracious and pretend that nothing happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard to say without knowing the details but on the surface if it's that big that you think people will be talking about it 4 months later, he could get demoted and it involved something that you had forgive, I wouldn't go. I can't imagine in less than 4 months whatever drove your DH to do what he did has been resolved so it would lead people to say what 00:21 mentioned that either wife doesn't know or she is staying with him for the money. It's unfair but if you go, you get judged versus having him strictly deal with the consequences of his actions. The fact that you are still together and that you go to some future event is your support.

Wow, how do you spend this much time caring about what other people think of you?

+1000
Wow, that's a whole lot of thought into what people toy barely know think about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The behavior is probably mostly forgotten, but your absence will refresh it in peoples minds. If they see that you've forgiven him and moved on, they're more likely to do the same.

Doing worry about what others think of you, they don't pay your mortgage, right?
They're not there for the day to day.
You see them what? one or two times a year?
They mean nothing.

Please don't be like other posters on this board who live their lives worrying about what other people think of them. That's wasted time & SO much wasted energy... allowing it only gives them power over you & your emotions.

Never give up your power, especially to those who virtually mean nothing to you.

Amen, I agree with both posters quoted here.

OP here: Thanks everyone. I do care what people think of me, but I need to learn not to. I really like the bolded statement above and I need to remember it.
During this experience, I also realized I don't have a friend whom I can tell this to without feeling judged and that's pretty sad. But that's another post.

I'm sorry, I can't give details. I will say that it wasn't cheating and did not involve grabbing someone's a$$.

I do work and we have kids so I could come up with the excuse, but it is something we have done every year so I will probably go.

Oh OP, my heart breaks for you after reading the sentiment that you have nobody to speak to about this.

I'm the one that wrote that quote & I really do try to live my life by that, but I also know how hard it is not to care what other people think of me (when I have allowed it to bother me, it's usually more about what the other mother's think of me. I'm not originally from this area & I find that women down here judge each other most harshly as mothers, more than anything else).

I know we don't know each other & this is supposed to be an anonymous forum, but if you ever want to talk to somebody (I'd never ask you about this though) somebody that's impartial & NON judgmental, you can email me.

I lived my entire life in NYC & I know exactly how it feels to live somewhere where you feel you don't have a trusted confidant, someone to discuss the latest episode of Big little lies or Game Of Thrones, or just someone to shoot the sh!t with. I've made some really great girlfriends down here, bit I remember how alone I felt when I first moved.
So, please feel free to reach out to me... I won't be offended if you don't, but the offer is there.

[e-mail]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The behavior is probably mostly forgotten, but your absence will refresh it in peoples minds. If they see that you've forgiven him and moved on, they're more likely to do the same.

Doing worry about what others think of you, they don't pay your mortgage, right?
They're not there for the day to day.
You see them what? one or two times a year?
They mean nothing.

Please don't be like other posters on this board who live their lives worrying about what other people think of them. That's wasted time & SO much wasted energy... allowing it only gives them power over you & your emotions.

Never give up your power, especially to those who virtually mean nothing to you.

Amen, I agree with both posters quoted here.

OP here: Thanks everyone. I do care what people think of me, but I need to learn not to. I really like the bolded statement above and I need to remember it.
During this experience, I also realized I don't have a friend whom I can tell this to without feeling judged and that's pretty sad. But that's another post.

I'm sorry, I can't give details. I will say that it wasn't cheating and did not involve grabbing someone's a$$.

I do work and we have kids so I could come up with the excuse, but it is something we have done every year so I will probably go.

Oh OP, my heart breaks for you after reading the sentiment that you have nobody to speak to about this.

I'm the one that wrote that quote & I really do try to live my life by that, but I also know how hard it is not to care what other people think of me (when I have allowed it to bother me, it's usually more about what the other mother's think of me. I'm not originally from this area & I find that women down here judge each other most harshly as mothers, more than anything else).

I know we don't know each other & this is supposed to be an anonymous forum, but if you ever want to talk to somebody (I'd never ask you about this though) somebody that's impartial & NON judgmental, you can email me.

I lived my entire life in NYC & I know exactly how it feels to live somewhere where you feel you don't have a trusted confidant, someone to discuss the latest episode of Big little lies or Game Of Thrones, or just someone to shoot the sh!t with. I've made some really great girlfriends down here, bit I remember how alone I felt when I first moved.
So, please feel free to reach out to me... I won't be offended if you don't, but the offer is there.

[e-mail]

That's was so sweet, PP.
My heart goes out to you also Op.