How much support for dh?

[Anonymous]

Not sure what you issue is, but I find generally women don't support their husbands. I've seen it multiple times and have experienced it. I was going through depression and PTSD, therapist told her to spend time with me and not leave me alone. What did she do? Spent no time and looked for every opportunity to be out of the house or not with me. I know it can be a downer but when you need someone to help you and the person you care for isn't there it certainly makes things more of a struggle. Especially when the therapist tells you to make an effort to spend time with the person.

I have another military friend going through the same stuff, only his wife ended up cheating.

So essentially when the chips are down you're on your own as a guy, don't expect your wife to support you, unless there is something to gain for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The behavior is probably mostly forgotten, but your absence will refresh it in peoples minds. If they see that you've forgiven him and moved on, they're more likely to do the same.

Doing worry about what others think of you, they don't pay your mortgage, right?
They're not there for the day to day.
You see them what? one or two times a year?
They mean nothing.

Please don't be like other posters on this board who live their lives worrying about what other people think of them. That's wasted time & SO much wasted energy... allowing it only gives them power over you & your emotions.

Never give up your power, especially to those who virtually mean nothing to you.

Amen, I agree with both posters quoted here.

OP here: Thanks everyone. I do care what people think of me, but I need to learn not to. I really like the bolded statement above and I need to remember it.
During this experience, I also realized I don't have a friend whom I can tell this to without feeling judged and that's pretty sad. But that's another post.

I'm sorry, I can't give details. I will say that it wasn't cheating and did not involve grabbing someone's a$$.

I do work and we have kids so I could come up with the excuse, but it is something we have done every year so I will probably go.

Oh OP, my heart breaks for you after reading the sentiment that you have nobody to speak to about this.

I'm the one that wrote that quote & I really do try to live my life by that, but I also know how hard it is not to care what other people think of me (when I have allowed it to bother me, it's usually more about what the other mother's think of me. I'm not originally from this area & I find that women down here judge each other most harshly as mothers, more than anything else).

I know we don't know each other & this is supposed to be an anonymous forum, but if you ever want to talk to somebody (I'd never ask you about this though) somebody that's impartial & NON judgmental, you can email me.

I lived my entire life in NYC & I know exactly how it feels to live somewhere where you feel you don't have a trusted confidant, someone to discuss the latest episode of Big little lies or Game Of Thrones, or just someone to shoot the sh!t with. I've made some really great girlfriends down here, bit I remember how alone I felt when I first moved.
So, please feel free to reach out to me... I won't be offended if you don't, but the offer is there.

[e-mail]

What a thoughtful post.
I hope the OP takes you up on your offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what you issue is, but I find generally women don't support their husbands. I've seen it multiple times and have experienced it. I was going through depression and PTSD, therapist told her to spend time with me and not leave me alone. What did she do? Spent no time and looked for every opportunity to be out of the house or not with me. I know it can be a downer but when you need someone to help you and the person you care for isn't there it certainly makes things more of a struggle. Especially when the therapist tells you to make an effort to spend time with the person.

I have another military friend going through the same stuff, only his wife ended up cheating.

So essentially when the chips are down you're on your own as a guy, don't expect your wife to support you, unless there is something to gain for her.

That really sucks & I'm so sorry you went through that & didn't have a supportive partner to help you through it, but you can't really think that ALL women are like this, can you?

It's not the gender that's the problem, it's the quality & characteristics of the person that you're married to.
I'm sure she was selfish, inconsiderate & self centered BEFORE you developed the depression & PTSD as well, you just didn't notice, because we rarely notice such negative characteristics in the "good times" of a relationship. It's only when the chips are down that you really sit up & notice the caliber of partner you have & if they're the same person you thought they were.

Please don't think that all women are like this, because we're definitely not.
I'm sure you can think of a number of women who aren't like your ex & are wonderful women (mom, sister, grandmother, maybe?).
Don't let one or two bad apples jade you against our whole race, because if you develop such a skewed outlook against us all, when the good ones do come along you're not going to be able to see the forest for the trees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what you issue is, but I find generally women don't support their husbands. I've seen it multiple times and have experienced it. I was going through depression and PTSD, therapist told her to spend time with me and not leave me alone. What did she do? Spent no time and looked for every opportunity to be out of the house or not with me. I know it can be a downer but when you need someone to help you and the person you care for isn't there it certainly makes things more of a struggle. Especially when the therapist tells you to make an effort to spend time with the person.

I have another military friend going through the same stuff, only his wife ended up cheating.

So essentially when the chips are down you're on your own as a guy, don't expect your wife to support you, unless there is something to gain for her.

I feel for you, but don't make this about gender because I was in the same boat. And I would never say "all men" are like this. My husband not only did not support me when my parent died, he actively made things so much worse for me that it was hard to get up in the morning. (Fought me on when I could travel to them when he was in the ICU, wouldn't answer the phone when I called to check in, not once asked how he was, etc. and I could go on and on). The message has been sent loud and clear - when the chips are down, I'm on my own. I actually feel sorry for him for the day not only that one of his parents dies (they are both in failing health right now) but it will dawn on him what he put me through. And really, continues to, because I know I'm on my own, even though I'm married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what you issue is, but I find generally women don't support their husbands. I've seen it multiple times and have experienced it. I was going through depression and PTSD, therapist told her to spend time with me and not leave me alone. What did she do? Spent no time and looked for every opportunity to be out of the house or not with me. I know it can be a downer but when you need someone to help you and the person you care for isn't there it certainly makes things more of a struggle. Especially when the therapist tells you to make an effort to spend time with the person.

I have another military friend going through the same stuff, only his wife ended up cheating.

So essentially when the chips are down you're on your own as a guy, don't expect your wife to support you, unless there is something to gain for her.

That really sucks & I'm so sorry you went through that & didn't have a supportive partner to help you through it, but you can't really think that ALL women are like this, can you?

It's not the gender that's the problem, it's the quality & characteristics of the person that you're married to.
I'm sure she was selfish, inconsiderate & self centered BEFORE you developed the depression & PTSD as well, you just didn't notice, because we rarely notice such negative characteristics in the "good times" of a relationship. It's only when the chips are down that you really sit up & notice the caliber of partner you have & if they're the same person you thought they were.

Please don't think that all women are like this, because we're definitely not.
I'm sure you can think of a number of women who aren't like your ex & are wonderful women (mom, sister, grandmother, maybe?).
Don't let one or two bad apples jade you against our whole race, because if you develop such a skewed outlook against us all, when the good ones do come along you're not going to be able to see the forest for the trees.

THIS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard to say without knowing the details but on the surface if it's that big that you think people will be talking about it 4 months later, he could get demoted and it involved something that you had forgive, I wouldn't go. I can't imagine in less than 4 months whatever drove your DH to do what he did has been resolved so it would lead people to say what 00:21 mentioned that either wife doesn't know or she is staying with him for the money. It's unfair but if you go, you get judged versus having him strictly deal with the consequences of his actions. The fact that you are still together and that you go to some future event is your support.

Wow, how do you spend this much time caring about what other people think of you?

+1000
Wow, that's a whole lot of thought into what people toy barely know think about you.

Actually I don't go around thinking every minute of the day, what do people I don't know think of me. But when it comes to work or work related events, how many times have you heard the cliche "perception is reality"? Why else does DH have no choice but to attend the work event? Why are spouses invited if not to extend the perception that they are all one big happy family? My answer would be different if OP posted about attending the neighborhood block party.

[Anonymous]

^^^ ugh. This it's why corporate work sucks. Small business or government is the only way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ ugh. This it's why corporate work sucks. Small business or government is the only way to go.

#TRUTH

[Anonymous]

No offense OP, but I truly H-A-T-E posts such as yours where someone will leave out a major detail about their issue.

I understand privacy issues but trust me.

It is actually possible to change a few details w/out compromising the integrity of the story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you work? Have a work conflict.

Wives tagging along on business trips is sort of passé anyway.

So true.

[Anonymous]

OP - so how did the event go?