Son says he is "considering a career in the military." Help me work through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell him I'm considering disowning him. I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I feel just as strongly that no child of mine will have a job that involves guns or the military.

OP, have you talked extensively with your son about your two friends who died?

You're an idiot. That's a great way to drive a teenager deeper into their commitment to doing whatever you don't want them to do.

Also, hope you enjoy going to work every day knowing how much of your taxes go to the military!

I'm the PP with three military kids, one of whom was seriously injured in Afghanistan. I'm grateful that the majority of people appreciate our men and women in uniform. I'm saddened that a parent - any parent - would ever consider "disowning" a child for any reason. There is absolutely nothing my kids could ever do or say that would lead me to even have that thought. Rather than be angry with this poster, we should feel sad. This is a parent incapable of unconditional love. Can you imagine what it must be like for her children. Unfortunately, those wounds are hard to heal.

Its ok, people like us just have those kids join us at holidays and important occasions. We will love them unconditionally if their parents don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a freshman or a sophmore? Especially if he's a freshman, my advice would be to work on letting go. Let him research and share with you, but don't get emotionally involved either way. There's a good chance he'll change his mind.

If he does continue down the path, I'd STRONGLY push him to ROTC. But you can decide that later. For now, the healthiest thing to do is let it be.

All conversations about it can be summed up as "Wow" "Cool" or "Bummer." Stay emotionally neutral. Let him do his own research and pursuit, and be supportive but not invested. If it gets to junior or senior year and he wants to continue pursuing it, then become more invested (and push for ROTC -- easier to get out of than a service academy).

That's not true at all. Please don't discuss what you don't know.

--USNA '90

ROTC definitely is easier to get out of in the first 2 years than the service academy.

You don't know what you are talking about. You don't have a committment until your junior year at a service academy--you are free to leave at any time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell him I'm considering disowning him. I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I feel just as strongly that no child of mine will have a job that involves guns or the military.

OP, have you talked extensively with your son about your two friends who died?

You're an idiot. That's a great way to drive a teenager deeper into their commitment to doing whatever you don't want them to do.

Also, hope you enjoy going to work every day knowing how much of your taxes go to the military!

I'm the PP with three military kids, one of whom was seriously injured in Afghanistan. I'm grateful that the majority of people appreciate our men and women in uniform. I'm saddened that a parent - any parent - would ever consider "disowning" a child for any reason. There is absolutely nothing my kids could ever do or say that would lead me to even have that thought. Rather than be angry with this poster, we should feel sad. This is a parent incapable of unconditional love. Can you imagine what it must be like for her children. Unfortunately, those wounds are hard to heal.

My kids are happy and healthy and have zero interest in being cops or soldiers so it's fine. I said it when it came up once. They're not traumatized. Look, we're all entitled to our own opinions. I respect yours even though I disagree completely with the choices your children made. It would be nice if you could respect mine, but I won't hold my breath.

So why are you posting with your inappropriate slam on the military? You have no idea how hard they work or how vital they are to our survival. Military families don't respect comments like you made as they are completely out of line and most of us have unconditional love and support for our child. We are proud that they and our spoudes serve our country and are not selfish people who only care about themselves and their needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell him I'm considering disowning him. I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I feel just as strongly that no child of mine will have a job that involves guns or the military.

OP, have you talked extensively with your son about your two friends who died?

You're an idiot. That's a great way to drive a teenager deeper into their commitment to doing whatever you don't want them to do.

Also, hope you enjoy going to work every day knowing how much of your taxes go to the military!

I'm the PP with three military kids, one of whom was seriously injured in Afghanistan. I'm grateful that the majority of people appreciate our men and women in uniform. I'm saddened that a parent - any parent - would ever consider "disowning" a child for any reason. There is absolutely nothing my kids could ever do or say that would lead me to even have that thought. Rather than be angry with this poster, we should feel sad. This is a parent incapable of unconditional love. Can you imagine what it must be like for her children. Unfortunately, those wounds are hard to heal.

My kids are happy and healthy and have zero interest in being cops or soldiers so it's fine. I said it when it came up once. They're not traumatized. Look, we're all entitled to our own opinions. I respect yours even though I disagree completely with the choices your children made. It would be nice if you could respect mine, but I won't hold my breath.

You enjoy the safety and freedom provided by those cops and soldiers without having to be personally involved in it, other than paying taxes. And you're teaching your kids that it's okay to enjoy those benefits without serving.

I have to admit that, while I respect your right to your point of view, I have greater respect and esteem for those who actually get out there and serve and protect their fellow citizens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell him I'm considering disowning him. I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I feel just as strongly that no child of mine will have a job that involves guns or the military.

OP, have you talked extensively with your son about your two friends who died?

You're an idiot. That's a great way to drive a teenager deeper into their commitment to doing whatever you don't want them to do.

Also, hope you enjoy going to work every day knowing how much of your taxes go to the military!

I'm the PP with three military kids, one of whom was seriously injured in Afghanistan. I'm grateful that the majority of people appreciate our men and women in uniform. I'm saddened that a parent - any parent - would ever consider "disowning" a child for any reason. There is absolutely nothing my kids could ever do or say that would lead me to even have that thought. Rather than be angry with this poster, we should feel sad. This is a parent incapable of unconditional love. Can you imagine what it must be like for her children. Unfortunately, those wounds are hard to heal.

My kids are happy and healthy and have zero interest in being cops or soldiers so it's fine. I said it when it came up once. They're not traumatized. Look, we're all entitled to our own opinions. I respect yours even though I disagree completely with the choices your children made. It would be nice if you could respect mine, but I won't hold my breath.

You enjoy the safety and freedom provided by those cops and soldiers without having to be personally involved in it, other than paying taxes. And you're teaching your kids that it's okay to enjoy those benefits without serving.

I have to admit that, while I respect your right to your point of view, I have greater respect and esteem for those who actually get out there and serve and protect their fellow citizens.

True. She is also teaching her children that there is something “wrong” with these occupations. Instead of her kids understanding the sacrifice and service of our military and police officers, she is sending the message that what they do is unacceptable. It is one thing to tell your children your hopes and dreams for their futures. It is totally something different to threaten to disown them if they should choose what many consider an honorable profession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell him I'm considering disowning him. I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I feel just as strongly that no child of mine will have a job that involves guns or the military.

OP, have you talked extensively with your son about your two friends who died?

So OP would be so worried about losing a son who wants to join the military that she should disown the son and lose him by choice? What?

Your kids grow up to be adults who make different choice for themselves than you might make. So you disown them for that?

-- mom of adult children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell him I'm considering disowning him. I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I feel just as strongly that no child of mine will have a job that involves guns or the military.

OP, have you talked extensively with your son about your two friends who died?

You're an idiot. That's a great way to drive a teenager deeper into their commitment to doing whatever you don't want them to do.

Also, hope you enjoy going to work every day knowing how much of your taxes go to the military!

I'm the PP with three military kids, one of whom was seriously injured in Afghanistan. I'm grateful that the majority of people appreciate our men and women in uniform. I'm saddened that a parent - any parent - would ever consider "disowning" a child for any reason. There is absolutely nothing my kids could ever do or say that would lead me to even have that thought. Rather than be angry with this poster, we should feel sad. This is a parent incapable of unconditional love. Can you imagine what it must be like for her children. Unfortunately, those wounds are hard to heal.

My kids are happy and healthy and have zero interest in being cops or soldiers so it's fine. I said it when it came up once. They're not traumatized. Look, we're all entitled to our own opinions. I respect yours even though I disagree completely with the choices your children made. It would be nice if you could respect mine, but I won't hold my breath.

You enjoy the safety and freedom provided by those cops and soldiers without having to be personally involved in it, other than paying taxes. And you're teaching your kids that it's okay to enjoy those benefits without serving.

I have to admit that, while I respect your right to your point of view, I have greater respect and esteem for those who actually get out there and serve and protect their fellow citizens.

Well said. We all owe our lives to people who have given and are willing to give us theirs ... and who are willing to fight to the death to protect the person who would disown their child for protecting others. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell him I'm considering disowning him. I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I feel just as strongly that no child of mine will have a job that involves guns or the military.

OP, have you talked extensively with your son about your two friends who died?

You're an idiot. That's a great way to drive a teenager deeper into their commitment to doing whatever you don't want them to do.

Also, hope you enjoy going to work every day knowing how much of your taxes go to the military!

I'm the PP with three military kids, one of whom was seriously injured in Afghanistan. I'm grateful that the majority of people appreciate our men and women in uniform. I'm saddened that a parent - any parent - would ever consider "disowning" a child for any reason. There is absolutely nothing my kids could ever do or say that would lead me to even have that thought. Rather than be angry with this poster, we should feel sad. This is a parent incapable of unconditional love. Can you imagine what it must be like for her children. Unfortunately, those wounds are hard to heal.

My kids are happy and healthy and have zero interest in being cops or soldiers so it's fine. I said it when it came up once. They're not traumatized. Look, we're all entitled to our own opinions. I respect yours even though I disagree completely with the choices your children made. It would be nice if you could respect mine, but I won't hold my breath.

There is no way any decent person on this planet could "respect" your statement that you would "disown" your child. It isn't about the military and the fact that you can't see that makes it even sadder. Most parents would never in a millions years even think those words, much less type them out and defend them. And then you added that you actually said it to your child, but only once so it's ok? There is nothing my children could ever do that would make me say that. Nothing. Your kids are not going to be happy and healthy. Those words don't just fade away. Therapy may help. But you will never have a healthy relationship with your adult kids. Parents just don't talk to their kids like that without doing serious damage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, PP with the 3 military kids, for your sacrifice and for sharing your story. Food for thought.

-OP

Ditto. You sound like a great mom with great kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, PP with the 3 military kids, for your sacrifice and for sharing your story. Food for thought.

-OP

Ditto. You sound like a great mom with great kids.

Y'all are sweet. Thank you! Sometimes I wish they were sitting in a cubicle typing TPS reports instead of jumping out of airplanes and blowing stuff up. But I am proud of them.

[Anonymous]

I'm shocked at the attitudes that DCUM has toward the military. My former military employees are generally my strongest people. They have better management skills, and are usually more concerned with integrity and character than my typical employee. These things are sorely lacking on this thread.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I would really like to avoid a fight over the morality of the military. Start a different thread for that. I just want to rationally and fairly respond to my child's stated desire to join the military despite my own fears.

If anyone could address the medical issues I brought up in the first post, I'd appreciate that, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I would really like to avoid a fight over the morality of the military. Start a different thread for that. I just want to rationally and fairly respond to my child's stated desire to join the military despite my own fears.

If anyone could address the medical issues I brought up in the first post, I'd appreciate that, too.

Take a look at service academy forums. They have a lot of information about medical issues.

Being on ADHD medication can be an issue, it just depends on the specifics of each person's situation. The services have different rules about color deficiency, for instance red-green can be an issue with the Navy because you need to be able to see the lights on the buoys if you're a surface warfare officer.

[Anonymous]

Military spouse here with a son who is fascinated with his dad's job. I think the previous military mom hit the key points. For my sake I hope our children choose not to serve, but if they do I will support them as I would with any civilian choice.

I agree with the ROTC advice- you can do ROTC in grad school too. So if he is interested in engineering have him look into human factors engineering programs. It is a very employable field with a MS degree, and if he goes the military route he may end up in aircraft design which is a pretty cool field.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine there wouldn't be a career path for an intelligent, ambitious young man in the military, that's not directly in the line of fire, OP.

I'm sorry two of your friends passed away in circumstances you find unfair, and I agree that these days are not the best to consider fighting for one's country, since one's values may differ.

However I think he has plenty of time to change his mind. You could also do some research and have him explore defense careers that are NOT part of the military.