Son says he is "considering a career in the military." Help me work through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to flip out on him. I remember being a teen and I know that a parental freakout is a great way to get him to dig in his heels. And I have told him quite honestly about my friends who died and how I feel about it, but he is a teenager and of course seems to assume he is invincible.

PP is right that he is young and may well change his mind. I encouraged him to look at defense contractors and things like that, as he is very engineering-minded and likes design. I'd rather him have a career helping the military than actually out there fighting. I just don't know if that will satisfy him. There's a huge part of him that just seems to want to put his ass on the line for something he sees as noble.

It's not easy to have a good career with a defense contractor without military service. There are also options in the military that are much less...militaristic, for lack of a better word, than others. Take a look at the Navy or Air Force, there are many technical jobs that aren't alway "boots on the ground".

I agree...Navy or Air Force as long as he doesn't have any intention of being a pilot. Army or Marine Corps will land you in the desert.

Navy and Air Force are the "cushier" jobs but many of them are landing in the desert and front lines. We have Air Force friends in career fields that never carried a gun and they were placed front lines.

Can't speak to Air Force, but Navy is hardly "cushier". Extremely long deployments are the norm, even when there is no war. Granted, the bases are in far better locations than the Army and Air Force, but that's largely because it's hard to dock an aircraft carrier in North Dakota.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have three military kids. Two of them have been deployed to war zones. Twice. One of them was wounded. I understand your fear all too well.

Your son is still young. I wouldn't worry too much about it yet. He has plenty of time to think about it and he may change his mine. My kids have done it three different ways. One went to college on an ROTC scholarship. When he graduated he was commissioned a second lieutenant. He is a combat engineer, career military officer who was just promoted to Captain. He is married, living in Hawaii, and loving his life! Another enlisted right out of high school. He went to Basic Training/AIT, then Airborne School. He served four years in the military with the 82nd Airborne Division. He left the military after his enlistment period was over and then went to college. He graduates in a few months. He loved his time in the Army and sometimes wishes he had stayed in. My daughter joined the Air National Guard College First Program. She went to BMT (Air Force version of Basic Training) for several months and then started college. She serves one weekend a month and two weeks during the summer. Other than that, she is just a typical college kid. I think she will eventually go active duty. She wants to be a nurse practitioner.

The benefits to all three - They graduated with no debt. Many of the benefits of service stay with them for life. (My son was able to purchase a home with zero down thanks to his VA loan, for example) The Army paid for my son's Masters Degree. They graduate from college with real life work experience. Employers seem to really like that. And the military really did help them decide what they wanted to do in college and beyond.

I understand the fear, especially now. You have to let go and accept that once your son turns 18, his choices are his own. People ask me all the time how I handled having two kids serving in Afghanistan at the same time. Truthfully, I didn't handle it well at all. It was horrible. I worried constantly. I didn't sleep. And I was on medication. But, I am very proud of their service. And I am very proud of the amazing young adults they have become. The military taught them self-discipline, an incredible work ethic, perseverance, leadership skills,..... Their experiences in the military helped shape who they are today. They are so much different than their peers. Their world is bigger. They are more mature. They are very independent. It's not the path I would have chosen for them. But it wasn't my path to choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a freshman or a sophmore? Especially if he's a freshman, my advice would be to work on letting go. Let him research and share with you, but don't get emotionally involved either way. There's a good chance he'll change his mind.

If he does continue down the path, I'd STRONGLY push him to ROTC. But you can decide that later. For now, the healthiest thing to do is let it be.

All conversations about it can be summed up as "Wow" "Cool" or "Bummer." Stay emotionally neutral. Let him do his own research and pursuit, and be supportive but not invested. If it gets to junior or senior year and he wants to continue pursuing it, then become more invested (and push for ROTC -- easier to get out of than a service academy).

That's not true at all. Please don't discuss what you don't know.

--USNA '90

ROTC definitely is easier to get out of in the first 2 years than the service academy.

[Anonymous]

Echoing what a PP said, military service makes you infinitely more mature than your peers. You really learn a lot about people management at a young age.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would encourage it, especially if he wanted to do the ROTC route. It's not for everyone, but there are worse things to do than defending our freedom, and the military can teach both useful life skills as well as transferrable work skills. I was never in the military, but the people whom I have met who have had the experience generally believe that it was a positive one, and they are good workers and responsible individuals.

I would probably not recommend that you try to push someone into joining the military if he did not already have the desire, but, if this is what you son wants, I would suggest that you support him. At the very least, try to encourage him to do well in high school and either apply to one of the service academies or do ROTC in college. If he is not college bound after high school, the military may be a very good way to get some useful skills. Military experience looks good on a resume, and security clearances are very useful in searching for jobs later in life (esp. in the DC area).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a freshman or a sophmore? Especially if he's a freshman, my advice would be to work on letting go. Let him research and share with you, but don't get emotionally involved either way. There's a good chance he'll change his mind.

If he does continue down the path, I'd STRONGLY push him to ROTC. But you can decide that later. For now, the healthiest thing to do is let it be.

All conversations about it can be summed up as "Wow" "Cool" or "Bummer." Stay emotionally neutral. Let him do his own research and pursuit, and be supportive but not invested. If it gets to junior or senior year and he wants to continue pursuing it, then become more invested (and push for ROTC -- easier to get out of than a service academy).

That's not true at all. Please don't discuss what you don't know.

--USNA '90

ROTC definitely is easier to get out of in the first 2 years than the service academy.

No, that's not true. You can walk away from a service academy any time in the first two years and have no commitment and no payback for those two years of college. Other colleges accept transfers from service academies with ease because they know how high the academic standards are there.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, PP with the 3 military kids, for your sacrifice and for sharing your story. Food for thought.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, PP with the 3 military kids, for your sacrifice and for sharing your story. Food for thought.

-OP

You are very welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ROTC definitely is easier to get out of in the first 2 years than the service academy.

No, that's not true. You can walk away from a service academy any time in the first two years and have no commitment and no payback for those two years of college. Other colleges accept transfers from service academies with ease because they know how high the academic standards are there.

I'm talking about socially/emotionally how difficult it is to leave when it is all you're surrounded by. Going to a "regular" university with a good ROTC program will show the kid both sides of the coin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ROTC definitely is easier to get out of in the first 2 years than the service academy.

No, that's not true. You can walk away from a service academy any time in the first two years and have no commitment and no payback for those two years of college. Other colleges accept transfers from service academies with ease because they know how high the academic standards are there.

I'm talking about socially/emotionally how difficult it is to leave when it is all you're surrounded by. Going to a "regular" university with a good ROTC program will show the kid both sides of the coin.

Pretty much true IMO. There are kids who walk way from the academies in the first 2 yrs, but if you walk away you will be starting all over again at another college. I'm not saying it can't be done. But you typically don't leave a service academy early and stay tight with that fraternity. Sure you may text/email and maybe even get together a time or two after leaving. But they go thru a LOT together and the bonds get tighter and tighter -- and if you weren't there for Ring Weekend or 100th Night or whatever good times are being recounted, you are just less a part of it. And then post graduation when they're deployed for a yr at a time -- there's even less time/energy for anyone besides family and closest buddies from the academies. So yeah -- it is hard to walk away in a way in which walking away from ROTC isn't the same. Bc in a major university ROTC, you have ROTC friends + regular university friends - it's not as "all or nothing."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell him I'm considering disowning him. I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I feel just as strongly that no child of mine will have a job that involves guns or the military.

OP, have you talked extensively with your son about your two friends who died?

You're an idiot. That's a great way to drive a teenager deeper into their commitment to doing whatever you don't want them to do.

Also, hope you enjoy going to work every day knowing how much of your taxes go to the military!

I'm an idiot whose kids are both alive, and aren't debilitated by PTSD or survivor guilt. I'll take it. And I'm fine with my taxes.

but hey let other people go do it, we get the benefits of them fighting and risking their lives and pretend we like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell him I'm considering disowning him. I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I feel just as strongly that no child of mine will have a job that involves guns or the military.

OP, have you talked extensively with your son about your two friends who died?

You're an idiot. That's a great way to drive a teenager deeper into their commitment to doing whatever you don't want them to do.

Also, hope you enjoy going to work every day knowing how much of your taxes go to the military!

I'm the PP with three military kids, one of whom was seriously injured in Afghanistan. I'm grateful that the majority of people appreciate our men and women in uniform. I'm saddened that a parent - any parent - would ever consider "disowning" a child for any reason. There is absolutely nothing my kids could ever do or say that would lead me to even have that thought. Rather than be angry with this poster, we should feel sad. This is a parent incapable of unconditional love. Can you imagine what it must be like for her children. Unfortunately, those wounds are hard to heal.

[Anonymous]

Listen to the person who posted at 13:01. Well said!

I agree that your son can gain quite a bit from military experience - intangibles.... discipline, respect, orderly environment, and much more. And, he will get incredible training that will serve him well if he decides to leave the service.

I know, because this happened to my son. He went to college, got a degree, then decided to enlist in the Army. Chose to enlist instead of going in as an officer because he got to choose his specialty. He has been deployed once to Afghanistan. Yes, it was hard. But, he went with excellent training, surrounded by highly specialized soldiers, and IT WAS WHAT HE WANTED. That is the important part. As hard as it may be on you and your family, it is ultimately his choice. It is his life and you have to let go and let him live it.

I come from a military background since my father was in the service. Perhaps this is why I was able to cope. I am incredibly proud of my father and my son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell him I'm considering disowning him. I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I feel just as strongly that no child of mine will have a job that involves guns or the military.

OP, have you talked extensively with your son about your two friends who died?

You're an idiot. That's a great way to drive a teenager deeper into their commitment to doing whatever you don't want them to do.

Also, hope you enjoy going to work every day knowing how much of your taxes go to the military!

I'm the PP with three military kids, one of whom was seriously injured in Afghanistan. I'm grateful that the majority of people appreciate our men and women in uniform. I'm saddened that a parent - any parent - would ever consider "disowning" a child for any reason. There is absolutely nothing my kids could ever do or say that would lead me to even have that thought. Rather than be angry with this poster, we should feel sad. This is a parent incapable of unconditional love. Can you imagine what it must be like for her children. Unfortunately, those wounds are hard to heal.

Well said, pp. Very sad indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell him I'm considering disowning him. I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I feel just as strongly that no child of mine will have a job that involves guns or the military.

OP, have you talked extensively with your son about your two friends who died?

You're an idiot. That's a great way to drive a teenager deeper into their commitment to doing whatever you don't want them to do.

Also, hope you enjoy going to work every day knowing how much of your taxes go to the military!

I'm the PP with three military kids, one of whom was seriously injured in Afghanistan. I'm grateful that the majority of people appreciate our men and women in uniform. I'm saddened that a parent - any parent - would ever consider "disowning" a child for any reason. There is absolutely nothing my kids could ever do or say that would lead me to even have that thought. Rather than be angry with this poster, we should feel sad. This is a parent incapable of unconditional love. Can you imagine what it must be like for her children. Unfortunately, those wounds are hard to heal.

My kids are happy and healthy and have zero interest in being cops or soldiers so it's fine. I said it when it came up once. They're not traumatized. Look, we're all entitled to our own opinions. I respect yours even though I disagree completely with the choices your children made. It would be nice if you could respect mine, but I won't hold my breath.