Son says he is "considering a career in the military." Help me work through this.

[Anonymous]

My early high school son is talking about a career in the military. I can't say I'm surprised, as he has always been fascinated by the military, but I have personally lost two very close friends who died in action after making all the right decisions - service academies, officer status, seemingly comfortable careers that just happened to end in tragedy. I was absolutely horrified at the way their deaths were handled and I have real issues with the current state of the service. It's an administrative mess to the point of being unsafe even in peacetime. And then there's the fact that we haven't really had peacetime since 2001 ... I would not only hate for my son to be killed, but I would hate for him to have to live with killing someone else. Especially for a potentially terrible reason, given the state of our government.

I respect our troops, but I don't want this life for my son. That said, I recognize that plenty of people have positive experiences with the military. My son is looking at the service academies and ROTC. Does anyone have any experience to share, positive or negative? Also, he wears glasses, is mildly colorblind, and takes medication for ADHD. I have read elsewhere that any of those things can disqualify an applicant. Is that true?

[Anonymous]

I would focus him on college first (service academy or not) and then officer candidate school. That way he'll get his college degree and can decide on the military later and be in a better position. I'm a marine officer wife, DH went to an LAC first and then in college decided to join the marines. There seem to be more options for career during military service and after as an officer.

[Anonymous]

Is he a freshman or a sophmore? Especially if he's a freshman, my advice would be to work on letting go. Let him research and share with you, but don't get emotionally involved either way. There's a good chance he'll change his mind.

If he does continue down the path, I'd STRONGLY push him to ROTC. But you can decide that later. For now, the healthiest thing to do is let it be.

All conversations about it can be summed up as "Wow" "Cool" or "Bummer." Stay emotionally neutral. Let him do his own research and pursuit, and be supportive but not invested. If it gets to junior or senior year and he wants to continue pursuing it, then become more invested (and push for ROTC -- easier to get out of than a service academy).

[Anonymous]

I'd tell him I'm considering disowning him. I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I feel just as strongly that no child of mine will have a job that involves guns or the military.

OP, have you talked extensively with your son about your two friends who died?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell him I'm considering disowning him. I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I feel just as strongly that no child of mine will have a job that involves guns or the military.

OP, have you talked extensively with your son about your two friends who died?

You're an idiot. That's a great way to drive a teenager deeper into their commitment to doing whatever you don't want them to do.

Also, hope you enjoy going to work every day knowing how much of your taxes go to the military!

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with your concerns and if my son wanted military I would be concerned too. My husband is enlisted/retiree. We were lucky he retired right before the war but many of our friends have seen combat. I would support him on the condition he go to college, preferably graduate school and then go in as an officer. Being enlisted (which it does not sound like the plan) is very hard and you are not treated very well. Officers have far better and more comfortable lives. At least you'll get through the 4 Trump years since it looks like he'll get us back into war if not multiple wars.

[Anonymous]

Met my DH while he was in Navy ROTC in college. For him, it was only a means to pay for school. He went into a very difficult Navy program after graduation that gave him the skills to earn $300k / year after he got out. Then he got a master's degree at a top tier school paid for with his GI bill.

For someone who came from a family that didn't have a way to pay for college, it made sense. He didn't enjoy his time in the military or the lifestyle, and doesn't often talk about it. He's gotten a great career out of his military service, but personally, I think he feels as though some of his youth was wasted.

[Anonymous]

I'm not going to flip out on him. I remember being a teen and I know that a parental freakout is a great way to get him to dig in his heels. And I have told him quite honestly about my friends who died and how I feel about it, but he is a teenager and of course seems to assume he is invincible.

PP is right that he is young and may well change his mind. I encouraged him to look at defense contractors and things like that, as he is very engineering-minded and likes design. I'd rather him have a career helping the military than actually out there fighting. I just don't know if that will satisfy him. There's a huge part of him that just seems to want to put his ass on the line for something he sees as noble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he a freshman or a sophmore? Especially if he's a freshman, my advice would be to work on letting go. Let him research and share with you, but don't get emotionally involved either way. There's a good chance he'll change his mind.

If he does continue down the path, I'd STRONGLY push him to ROTC. But you can decide that later. For now, the healthiest thing to do is let it be.

All conversations about it can be summed up as "Wow" "Cool" or "Bummer." Stay emotionally neutral. Let him do his own research and pursuit, and be supportive but not invested. If it gets to junior or senior year and he wants to continue pursuing it, then become more invested (and push for ROTC -- easier to get out of than a service academy).

That's not true at all. Please don't discuss what you don't know.

--USNA '90

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell him I'm considering disowning him. I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I feel just as strongly that no child of mine will have a job that involves guns or the military.

OP, have you talked extensively with your son about your two friends who died?

You're an idiot. That's a great way to drive a teenager deeper into their commitment to doing whatever you don't want them to do.

Also, hope you enjoy going to work every day knowing how much of your taxes go to the military!

I'm an idiot whose kids are both alive, and aren't debilitated by PTSD or survivor guilt. I'll take it. And I'm fine with my taxes.

[Anonymous]

Read a forum called Service Academy Forums. It's like College Confidential for service academies, ROTC, and OCS questions. Lots of good information there from people who have experience and know what they're talking about in regard to becoming a military officer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to flip out on him. I remember being a teen and I know that a parental freakout is a great way to get him to dig in his heels. And I have told him quite honestly about my friends who died and how I feel about it, but he is a teenager and of course seems to assume he is invincible.

PP is right that he is young and may well change his mind. I encouraged him to look at defense contractors and things like that, as he is very engineering-minded and likes design. I'd rather him have a career helping the military than actually out there fighting. I just don't know if that will satisfy him. There's a huge part of him that just seems to want to put his ass on the line for something he sees as noble.

It's not easy to have a good career with a defense contractor without military service. There are also options in the military that are much less...militaristic, for lack of a better word, than others. Take a look at the Navy or Air Force, there are many technical jobs that aren't alway "boots on the ground".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to flip out on him. I remember being a teen and I know that a parental freakout is a great way to get him to dig in his heels. And I have told him quite honestly about my friends who died and how I feel about it, but he is a teenager and of course seems to assume he is invincible.

PP is right that he is young and may well change his mind. I encouraged him to look at defense contractors and things like that, as he is very engineering-minded and likes design. I'd rather him have a career helping the military than actually out there fighting. I just don't know if that will satisfy him. There's a huge part of him that just seems to want to put his ass on the line for something he sees as noble.

It's not easy to have a good career with a defense contractor without military service. There are also options in the military that are much less...militaristic, for lack of a better word, than others. Take a look at the Navy or Air Force, there are many technical jobs that aren't alway "boots on the ground".

I agree...Navy or Air Force as long as he doesn't have any intention of being a pilot. Army or Marine Corps will land you in the desert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to flip out on him. I remember being a teen and I know that a parental freakout is a great way to get him to dig in his heels. And I have told him quite honestly about my friends who died and how I feel about it, but he is a teenager and of course seems to assume he is invincible.

PP is right that he is young and may well change his mind. I encouraged him to look at defense contractors and things like that, as he is very engineering-minded and likes design. I'd rather him have a career helping the military than actually out there fighting. I just don't know if that will satisfy him. There's a huge part of him that just seems to want to put his ass on the line for something he sees as noble.

OP, as a mom I get your concern. But, there are a lot of positives to the military. While its not all good, many of those guys (and women) come out with a great worth ethic and much more. Its hard when you watch the ones you care for die or even go to Walter Reed and see the results of the war. But, there are so many positives for many. My husband after retirement became a defense contractor and its very different. Gratefully because of his military connections he landed a job very quickly. We have life long health care (maybe) and get a lot of other perks (the pension is minimal). I come from a basically anti-military family so it was a huge adjustment for me but the best friends we have and the ones I know would do anything for us are his friends from his military days.

In today's climate, war is a huge possibility. My child talks about military too as he wants to be like Dad. I'll support it with reservations when/if the time comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to flip out on him. I remember being a teen and I know that a parental freakout is a great way to get him to dig in his heels. And I have told him quite honestly about my friends who died and how I feel about it, but he is a teenager and of course seems to assume he is invincible.

PP is right that he is young and may well change his mind. I encouraged him to look at defense contractors and things like that, as he is very engineering-minded and likes design. I'd rather him have a career helping the military than actually out there fighting. I just don't know if that will satisfy him. There's a huge part of him that just seems to want to put his ass on the line for something he sees as noble.

It's not easy to have a good career with a defense contractor without military service. There are also options in the military that are much less...militaristic, for lack of a better word, than others. Take a look at the Navy or Air Force, there are many technical jobs that aren't alway "boots on the ground".

I agree...Navy or Air Force as long as he doesn't have any intention of being a pilot. Army or Marine Corps will land you in the desert.

Navy and Air Force are the "cushier" jobs but many of them are landing in the desert and front lines. We have Air Force friends in career fields that never carried a gun and they were placed front lines.