Do I have any right to be upset with my mom?

[Anonymous]

Unusual circumstance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this behavior in a lot of lawyers (I'm one myself).

The trial, the all-important trial. God help everyone else on earth, because the all-important trial must give way. Nothing else is as important. Nothing can get in the way of preparation for the all-important trial. God help anyone who has any needs at all during trial preparation.

Ridiculous. Ridonkulous.

Sounds like you've never actually been on trial.

I'm not the PP, but it doesn't matter. A death in the family does, in fact, trump a legal trial.

But it's not an immediate family member. It's OP's mom's BF's mom! OP's client, the judge and all the witnesses who set aside time to be there aren't going to care. I'm not saying the mom shouldn't have gone, but OP is stuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this behavior in a lot of lawyers (I'm one myself).

The trial, the all-important trial. God help everyone else on earth, because the all-important trial must give way. Nothing else is as important. Nothing can get in the way of preparation for the all-important trial. God help anyone who has any needs at all during trial preparation.

Ridiculous. Ridonkulous.

Sounds like you've never actually been on trial.

You'd be wrong.

I'm sure your clients would be thrilled to know how unimportant their trials are to their lawyer.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you OP. I think she should hve at least waited to help you find an alternative arrangement and understand the funeral arrangements before just running away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this behavior in a lot of lawyers (I'm one myself).

The trial, the all-important trial. God help everyone else on earth, because the all-important trial must give way. Nothing else is as important. Nothing can get in the way of preparation for the all-important trial. God help anyone who has any needs at all during trial preparation.

Ridiculous. Ridonkulous.

Sounds like you've never actually been on trial.

I'm not the PP, but it doesn't matter. A death in the family does, in fact, trump a legal trial.

But it's not an immediate family member. It's OP's mom's BF's mom! OP's client, the judge and all the witnesses who set aside time to be there aren't going to care. I'm not saying the mom shouldn't have gone, but OP is stuck.

OP is not stuck. She has a husband and an entire metro area of potential sitters. Surely a competent lawyer and a dental student together have the intelligence and organizational skills to arrange other childcare for the children they chose to have. Blaming Mommy is just her gut reaction to all the stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this behavior in a lot of lawyers (I'm one myself).

The trial, the all-important trial. God help everyone else on earth, because the all-important trial must give way. Nothing else is as important. Nothing can get in the way of preparation for the all-important trial. God help anyone who has any needs at all during trial preparation.

Ridiculous. Ridonkulous.

Sounds like you've never actually been on trial.

I'm not the PP, but it doesn't matter. A death in the family does, in fact, trump a legal trial.

But it's not an immediate family member. It's OP's mom's BF's mom! OP's client, the judge and all the witnesses who set aside time to be there aren't going to care. I'm not saying the mom shouldn't have gone, but OP is stuck.

OP's mom has been dating this man for decades. It is his immediate family member. She could have given OP more notice, I agree, but it wouldn't have changed the fact that OP would need to find back-up child care for next week.

Sure, the judge, witnesses, etc. won't care that OP's mom had a family emergency and could not care for her kids as planned. That's why OP and her husband need to put on their thinking caps and find back-up child care.

If you're insinuating that OP's mom should tell her boyfriend, "sorry your mom died in a car crash, but I can't come because the judges and witnesses involved in my DD's trial won't understand!" then you are insane.

OP is not stuck. She can get on her neighborhood list serv. She can call one of the many child care agencies. She has options.

[Anonymous]

When is the child care needed? In the evenings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this behavior in a lot of lawyers (I'm one myself).

The trial, the all-important trial. God help everyone else on earth, because the all-important trial must give way. Nothing else is as important. Nothing can get in the way of preparation for the all-important trial. God help anyone who has any needs at all during trial preparation.

Ridiculous. Ridonkulous.

Sounds like you've never actually been on trial.

I'm not the PP, but it doesn't matter. A death in the family does, in fact, trump a legal trial.

But it's not an immediate family member. It's OP's mom's BF's mom! OP's client, the judge and all the witnesses who set aside time to be there aren't going to care. I'm not saying the mom shouldn't have gone, but OP is stuck.

OP's mom has been dating this man for decades. It is his immediate family member. She could have given OP more notice, I agree, but it wouldn't have changed the fact that OP would need to find back-up child care for next week.

Sure, the judge, witnesses, etc. won't care that OP's mom had a family emergency and could not care for her kids as planned. That's why OP and her husband need to put on their thinking caps and find back-up child care.

If you're insinuating that OP's mom should tell her boyfriend, "sorry your mom died in a car crash, but I can't come because the judges and witnesses involved in my DD's trial won't understand!" then you are insane.

OP is not stuck. She can get on her neighborhood list serv. She can call one of the many child care agencies. She has options.

You are reading way too much into my post. I was responding to the PP who said this situation trumps a trial. I was simply saying that OP is stuck with the trial. I never said OP's mom shouldn't go. I also don't think OP is being unreasonable by feeling frustrated at the situation. I think a lot of us would feel that way under the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this behavior in a lot of lawyers (I'm one myself).

The trial, the all-important trial. God help everyone else on earth, because the all-important trial must give way. Nothing else is as important. Nothing can get in the way of preparation for the all-important trial. God help anyone who has any needs at all during trial preparation.

Ridiculous. Ridonkulous.

Sounds like you've never actually been on trial.

You'd be wrong.

I'm sure your clients would be thrilled to know how unimportant their trials are to their lawyer.

Totally false implication. I prepare to the nth degree for my trials. I just don't do so expecting the rest of the world's needs to be put on hold and for them to cater to me. I'M NOT THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE. See the difference? I'm an adult. Get it?

[Anonymous]

The manner in which she left was irksome. I'd be upset too. But her priority is to be with her grieving bf now, that is normal.

Consider this a lesson learned. She's always treated you as secondary to her bf so nothing is new here. Get sitters or other forms of help, just never rely on her solely again. Also, please listen to your husband and start your own tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op: It wasn't so much that she left. It was the manner in which she left. She didn't try to see if I had things in order, or give me time to get situated. She was also ok with leaving while my children were at school without telling them bye. She has put him before me since I was in high school. To the point that I had to give up my bed and sleep on a couch because he and his mother needed a place to sleep. I thought a day or two notice would have been considerate. My husband has been begging for us to have Christmas at home to start our own traditions, but every year I go visit her so that she can have her whole family with her. I guess I should start putting my husband first too right?

What other resentments are you holding onto regarding your mom? That mention about Christmas travel at the end signals that there may be history here that goes beyond this specific situation about which you posted.

You also made the little note that mom's SO is "on and off again" as a boyfriend; choosing to point that out seems to indicate you don't think their relationship merits her choosing him over your needs. You can see how it reads that way, can't you, OP?

If you can step aside from the focus on your trial and this one week (out of all the weeks in your life), can you see how a death, especially a sudden, traumatic one, should take precedence over a few days of babysitting the grandkids to help you out? There will be other trials -and other times you might need help. This is not some huge do-or-die litmus test of her love for your kids or her willingness to help you ( unless you choose to see it as such a test and insist she's failed).

You should listen to your DH and establish your own traditions at home, absolutely. But if you do that, even in part, as a way to get back at your mom over a situation she did not create or control -- that would be a sad motivation for staying home and creating traditions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op: It wasn't so much that she left. It was the manner in which she left. She didn't try to see if I had things in order, or give me time to get situated. She was also ok with leaving while my children were at school without telling them bye. She has put him before me since I was in high school. To the point that I had to give up my bed and sleep on a couch because he and his mother needed a place to sleep. I thought a day or two notice would have been considerate. My husband has been begging for us to have Christmas at home to start our own traditions, but every year I go visit her so that she can have her whole family with her. I guess I should start putting my husband first too right?

What other resentments are you holding onto regarding your mom? That mention about Christmas travel at the end signals that there may be history here that goes beyond this specific situation about which you posted.

You also made the little note that mom's SO is "on and off again" as a boyfriend; choosing to point that out seems to indicate you don't think their relationship merits her choosing him over your needs. You can see how it reads that way, can't you, OP?

If you can step aside from the focus on your trial and this one week (out of all the weeks in your life), can you see how a death, especially a sudden, traumatic one, should take precedence over a few days of babysitting the grandkids to help you out? There will be other trials -and other times you might need help. This is not some huge do-or-die litmus test of her love for your kids or her willingness to help you ( unless you choose to see it as such a test and insist she's failed).

You should listen to your DH and establish your own traditions at home, absolutely. But if you do that, even in part, as a way to get back at your mom over a situation she did not create or control -- that would be a sad motivation for staying home and creating traditions.

Spot on. I understand your frustration, OP, but the "on and off again" jab definitely suggests that you doesn't take your mother's relationship with the BF seriously, and that is coloring your perspective. It doesn't really matter whether you think your mom needed to leave immediately; obviously she felt that she had to. Whether or not to stay home for the holidays is a separate question - maybe it is a good idea, but don't do it to get back at your mom. Do it because it's right for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this behavior in a lot of lawyers (I'm one myself).

The trial, the all-important trial. God help everyone else on earth, because the all-important trial must give way. Nothing else is as important. Nothing can get in the way of preparation for the all-important trial. God help anyone who has any needs at all during trial preparation.

Ridiculous. Ridonkulous.

Sounds like you've never actually been on trial.

I'm not the PP, but it doesn't matter. A death in the family does, in fact, trump a legal trial.

But it's not an immediate family member. It's OP's mom's BF's mom! OP's client, the judge and all the witnesses who set aside time to be there aren't going to care. I'm not saying the mom shouldn't have gone, but OP is stuck.

OP's mom has been dating this man for decades. It is his immediate family member. She could have given OP more notice, I agree, but it wouldn't have changed the fact that OP would need to find back-up child care for next week.

Sure, the judge, witnesses, etc. won't care that OP's mom had a family emergency and could not care for her kids as planned. That's why OP and her husband need to put on their thinking caps and find back-up child care.

If you're insinuating that OP's mom should tell her boyfriend, "sorry your mom died in a car crash, but I can't come because the judges and witnesses involved in my DD's trial won't understand!" then you are insane.

OP is not stuck. She can get on her neighborhood list serv. She can call one of the many child care agencies. She has options.

You are reading way too much into my post. I was responding to the PP who said this situation trumps a trial. I was simply saying that OP is stuck with the trial. I never said OP's mom shouldn't go. I also don't think OP is being unreasonable by feeling frustrated at the situation. I think a lot of us would feel that way under the circumstances.

Well, you certainly downplayed the importance of the death of OP's mom's boyfriend. I consider the parent of my longtime partner to be immediate family.

[Anonymous]

OP, someone died unexpectedly. Are you a sociopath incapable of hiring temporary help? Geez.

[Anonymous]

1. You have the right to be stressed. Finding short-term care s stressful.

2. Your mom's past behavior regarding you and her boyfriend was unfair but not related to the current situation.

3. Your mom was absolutely right to go be wth her boyfriend right away. Have you ever lost a parent? Absolute devastation.

4. You explain to your ds that grandma loves them and wanted to say goodbye but she had to leave right away because of an emergency.

5. You need to rotate Christmas between your family and DH"s.

6. You and DH need to afford yourself of backup childcare services. There are agencies that do this and aren't much money.
What would you have done f you mom had taken ill suddenly and couldn't make t?

Your children. Your responsibility.