Do I have any right to be upset with my mom?

[Anonymous]

Grow up a get a nanny.

-signed Trial Lawyer Mom

[Anonymous]

Notice how OP won't say anything about her husband shouldering responsibility for his kids. Why is everything dumped on women? Why can't he study at home this week? The kids are school age, so it's not like whoever is home with them is going to be busy feeding and diapering them.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't care if your mother was dating Charles Manson and left to go to Burning Man. You are a grown up. Deal with it. You sound like you are 14 and think the world revolves around you.

Learn to roll with the punches. I can't believe a trial lawyer didn't have a back plan for her back up plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Notice how OP won't say anything about her husband shouldering responsibility for his kids. Why is everything dumped on women? Why can't he study at home this week? The kids are school age, so it's not like whoever is home with them is going to be busy feeding and diapering them.

She made it clear in her last thread that he was no help. In dental school, already had failing grades 2 months in, and told her he could do absolutely no childcare or household stuff because he has to focus on studying and school. We warned her back in October how unacceptable and untenable that was so its not surprising the shit has hit the fan in November. She's using her mom as a scapegoat for her husband's total abdication of his family responsibilities and that's not fair. Hopefully she sees it. Her mom may have been selfish and unreliable in the past but she DID show up to help and it was right of her to leave for a death. OP has a husband who should have been able to help with the kids during her trial. It's not the moms fault he won't.

[Anonymous]

So am I the only person who wonders how the boyfriend's mother died "tragically" when she was in her 80s and has been very sick. OP mentioned a car accident. Was this woman driving, and if so, why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So am I the only person who wonders how the boyfriend's mother died "tragically" when she was in her 80s and has been very sick. OP mentioned a car accident. Was this woman driving, and if so, why?

Plenty of 80 year olds drive, PP. What a strange statement. Do you not plan to be active at 80?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So am I the only person who wonders how the boyfriend's mother died "tragically" when she was in her 80s and has been very sick. OP mentioned a car accident. Was this woman driving, and if so, why?

Plenty of 80 year olds drive, PP. What a strange statement. Do you not plan to be active at 80?

I don't have a problem with active, healthy 80 year olds driving. But she had been "very sick." That's not active. I guess I'm curious about how this was a "tragic" death.

[Anonymous]

I would be in a blind fury at my mother for this (former trial lawyer here). My mother did things like this when my kids were younger. Unfortunately, you have come to the realization that your mom is not there for you anymore--if indeed she ever was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be in a blind fury at my mother for this (former trial lawyer here). My mother did things like this when my kids were younger. Unfortunately, you have come to the realization that your mom is not there for you anymore--if indeed she ever was.

And you need to come to the realization that your kids are ultimately your problem and if real life interferes with other people's ability to care for them, oh well. A blind fury because someone died? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

I think context is everything and that OP and the PP above are in a "blind fury" because this isn't new behavior, but one is a series of disappointments. OP shared that she's felt like her mom ha always put the boyfriend above her, dating back to high school days.

So what we're hearing in her post is not necessarily petulance because mom left because of a death, but instead the disappointment and resentment of years and years of being let down. OP would be better off if she simply let go of the idea of her mom being the parent she needed her to be when she was younger. The person OP is probably mad at the most is herself for allowing herself to think that her mom would come through. It's like Lucy pulling the football away as Charlie Brown is about to kick it. You know it's going to happen, but deep down he keeps hoping this is the one time it doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think context is everything and that OP and the PP above are in a "blind fury" because this isn't new behavior, but one is a series of disappointments. OP shared that she's felt like her mom ha always put the boyfriend above her, dating back to high school days.

So what we're hearing in her post is not necessarily petulance because mom left because of a death, but instead the disappointment and resentment of years and years of being let down. OP would be better off if she simply let go of the idea of her mom being the parent she needed her to be when she was younger. The person OP is probably mad at the most is herself for allowing herself to think that her mom would come through. It's like Lucy pulling the football away as Charlie Brown is about to kick it. You know it's going to happen, but deep down he keeps hoping this is the one time it doesn't.

To add to that, I think OP is in a blind fury because she has dependency issues. It's time to learn that the only person you can fully depend on is yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be in a blind fury at my mother for this (former trial lawyer here). My mother did things like this when my kids were younger. Unfortunately, you have come to the realization that your mom is not there for you anymore--if indeed she ever was.

Stop parroting yourself! You are so clearly the author of all the dissent posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be in a blind fury at my mother for this (former trial lawyer here). My mother did things like this when my kids were younger. Unfortunately, you have come to the realization that your mom is not there for you anymore--if indeed she ever was.

And you need to come to the realization that your kids are ultimately your problem and if real life interferes with other people's ability to care for them, oh well. A blind fury because someone died? Seriously?

Let's just remember it works both ways though. All of the posters ripping OP apart would be the first ones to rip apart a poster that, say, left their mother or inlaws house early after agreeing to help them after an illness. Seriously. But hey, every individual person should own their own problems, right? You should NEVER impose on "family" members, no matter what, or count on their help after they agree to help, or in any way have any expectations whatsoever? I mean, as long as that works both ways, then I think it's a fine standard. It never does though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be in a blind fury at my mother for this (former trial lawyer here). My mother did things like this when my kids were younger. Unfortunately, you have come to the realization that your mom is not there for you anymore--if indeed she ever was.

Maybe this means that trial lawyers are especially entitled who feel like the world and their parents owe them something?

I am not a trial lawyer. I have a fantastic relationship with my parents and my MIL. They are all wonderful grandparents, but they all live quite a distance away. They did their duty to us raising us to adulthood, provided us with good educations so that we could get good paying jobs and be self-supportive. My spouse and I have a nice HHI and probably make a lot less than you trial lawyers and we never have any expectations of childcare from our parents. When they come and visit, we still have our regular childcare plans in place. The grandparents can opt to keep the kids home from daycare/preschool, if they choose, but we continue with our regular schedule if they don't. Any childcare that these grandparents provide is at their option, not as a request from us. As such, all three grandparents have a happy, healthy relationship with their children and their grandchildren.

So, OP, what would you have done originally for your trial had your mother not been available to come to stay? Let's say you had hired a PT nanny and she had been in a car accident and no longer available, what would you a have done then? I can't imagine that a trial lawyer can't call White House Nannies or some other service and hire a temp nanny for the week or two that you need. I'd do that if I had to.

[Anonymous]

grow up