Do I have any right to be upset with my mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are unreasonable.
BTW! How old was the boyfriend's mom? She must have been old.

OP: She was in her 80's and had been very sick.

So? SHE DIED. Death trump's you and your snowflakes. You are a lawyer and cannot afford to hire someone? Frankly. You sound entitled and insufferable. To answer your question:. NO. You have no right to be upset with your mother.

Unsolicited advice for your future:. Get some mental health counselling immediately.

[Anonymous]

OP, an emergency is an emergency. Your mom couldn't plan for it. It sounds like you are hyper controlling and want advanced notice of everything.

[Anonymous]

If my Mum left while my kids were at school I would be pissed too.
I think she could have flown the next day to be with BF.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I'd be upset too, but death does trump trial.

[Anonymous]

I see this behavior in a lot of lawyers (I'm one myself).

The trial, the all-important trial. God help everyone else on earth, because the all-important trial must give way. Nothing else is as important. Nothing can get in the way of preparation for the all-important trial. God help anyone who has any needs at all during trial preparation.

Ridiculous. Ridonkulous.

[Anonymous]

I think the way your mom left is what's unreasonable and I'd be mad if it were me. She didn't give you any time to figure things out. She had to go given the circumstances, but she should not have left you high and dry. it's not like you or your husband can alter your commitments this week. Being on trial is all consuming and stressful - I know firsthand. It was an inconsiderate thing to do but perhaps your mom is really upset and not thinking clearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see this behavior in a lot of lawyers (I'm one myself).

The trial, the all-important trial. God help everyone else on earth, because the all-important trial must give way. Nothing else is as important. Nothing can get in the way of preparation for the all-important trial. God help anyone who has any needs at all during trial preparation.

Ridiculous. Ridonkulous.

Sounds like you've never actually been on trial.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP I do agree death trumps trial. And a sudden shocking death means people act in unexpected, emergency ways.

Now, maybe this is a pattern. If so, you can certainly feel hurt. But mostly this is how you should feel: When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

NEXT, separate issue - your husband is begging you to have Christmas at home. Have it at home. Time to build your own traditions with your family.

[Anonymous]

Get a temp nanny and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this behavior in a lot of lawyers (I'm one myself).

The trial, the all-important trial. God help everyone else on earth, because the all-important trial must give way. Nothing else is as important. Nothing can get in the way of preparation for the all-important trial. God help anyone who has any needs at all during trial preparation.

Ridiculous. Ridonkulous.

Sounds like you've never actually been on trial.

I'm not the PP, but it doesn't matter. A death in the family does, in fact, trump a legal trial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're being unreasonable. It's reasonable that you're now stressed if you have to scramble for child care, but her significant other's mother died in a car accident, for crying out loud. Of course she should go be with him.

+1

[Anonymous]

Looks like no one is taking your side, OP. What does that tell you? You have a right to be upset, yes. Just not with your mom. A death is outside of anyone's control.

It's the responsibility of you and your husband to find more local childcare backup if you both have to work extra hours.

You're very dismissive of your mom. She was good enough to travel to your home, to bring her work along and work while caring for your kids. You must trust her with them. It sounds like the woman who died is someone she knew for many years, and maybe she was fond of her. Or maybe she's fond of her boyfriend and wants to support him through his loss. All you have is a heavy work schedule. My mom would never and never has come to help out. Maybe you should be grateful, instead of sulking.

And your solution fell through, so now it's your husband's turn to find childcare. Or does that all fall on you? Maybe he can take responsibility for this, and then he can also get to have an equal say in where you spend Christmas this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this particular instance your mother did nothing wrong. It seems your reaction stems from her prioritizing this man over you in the past. Maybe you could benefit from therapy to address your childhood issues. And yes, if your husband wants to spend Christmas at home, maybe you should every other year.

Agree, her current behavior and her past behavior are separate issues.

Her past behavior is legitimately sh*tty and I agree with your husband that you should start spending at least some Christmases at home.

Her current behavior of leaving to be with her boyfriend whose mother has just died is reasonable and understandable. Yes it leaves you in a bind but his need is greater than yours right now, he just lost his mother.

Agreed. She has a history of being selfish/not putting you first, so it's understandable that this event would push those buttons for you. But this is a totally different circumstance and even if you don't like how she left, it's completely reasonable that she did leave very quickly to be with her partner during a sudden tragedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this behavior in a lot of lawyers (I'm one myself).

The trial, the all-important trial. God help everyone else on earth, because the all-important trial must give way. Nothing else is as important. Nothing can get in the way of preparation for the all-important trial. God help anyone who has any needs at all during trial preparation.

Ridiculous. Ridonkulous.

Sounds like you've never actually been on trial.

You'd be wrong.

[Anonymous]

Grow up, op.

And yes...start having Christmas at home. You should have done that when your kids were born.