MIL and SIL stay for Thanksgiving- say anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. The level of selfishness here is astounding! They are coming to see you and your kids, her grand kids and nieces and nephews. What is wrong with you? It doesn't sound like you get that much sleep anyway with young kids and a new born so try to use this and have them watch the kids while you rest. I am seriously disillusioned by how selfish and nasty people are here.

This. I can see why people have so many in law issues on this board. This is really no big deal and if DH is fine with it, you really don't have a leg to stand on. Take this as an opportunity for some free babysitting. If you aren't comfortable leaving the baby with them, leave DH in charge and head out for some you time!

Barring an emergency or an unusual situation, it's common courtesy to not change previously agreed upon plans at the last minute. It's rude, inconsiderate, and disrespectful of other people's time. This is true regardless of whoever you are visiting. What if OP made plans for Sat/Sun because she thought MIL/SIL were not staying thru the weekend? Should OP have to change her plans (which can include commitments to other people) because her in-laws decided to stay an extra two days? Btw, MIL didn't ask her son and DIL if she and SIL could extend their stay- she just announced it on group text.

Then you tell them. "I'm glad that you're staying until Sunday. Just so you know, we have plans Saturday night that we have to attend, but you're welcome to stay. I'll make brunch Sunday before you leave." You don't have to change plans, but you just let them know when they change their plans that you have other plans and that they're on their own while that goes on. That means that they are on their own while you're gone. They're adults, they'll live. Everyone will cope and life goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just reply to the text with "sorry we made plans for saturday and sunday since you originally said you'd be gone by Friday. maybe next time we can do an extended visit"

then...make plans - go out with friends, go holiday shopping, do something

THIS

NP here. This is what I would WANT to do, but I'm not sure if I'd have the spine to actually go through with it. My guilt would take over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. The level of selfishness here is astounding! They are coming to see you and your kids, her grand kids and nieces and nephews. What is wrong with you? It doesn't sound like you get that much sleep anyway with young kids and a new born so try to use this and have them watch the kids while you rest. I am seriously disillusioned by how selfish and nasty people are here.

This. I can see why people have so many in law issues on this board. This is really no big deal and if DH is fine with it, you really don't have a leg to stand on. Take this as an opportunity for some free babysitting. If you aren't comfortable leaving the baby with them, leave DH in charge and head out for some you time!

Barring an emergency or an unusual situation, it's common courtesy to not change previously agreed upon plans at the last minute. It's rude, inconsiderate, and disrespectful of other people's time. This is true regardless of whoever you are visiting. What if OP made plans for Sat/Sun because she thought MIL/SIL were not staying thru the weekend? Should OP have to change her plans (which can include commitments to other people) because her in-laws decided to stay an extra two days? Btw, MIL didn't ask her son and DIL if she and SIL could extend their stay- she just announced it on group text.

OK, OP, no need to write in third person.So what if you had plans made? They will fit around your plans and just sleep at your house. First you want rest with the newborn, now you have other plans? Tell them about your plans for other two days and done, they can fit in or not. This is your husband's mother and sister and your kids grandmother and aunt you are talking about. Grow up. You are whining and irritating.

[Anonymous]

Let your DH handle them on weekend. Totally his job. You just relax, and hide in the room if needed, or go out by yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. The level of selfishness here is astounding! They are coming to see you and your kids, her grand kids and nieces and nephews. What is wrong with you? It doesn't sound like you get that much sleep anyway with young kids and a new born so try to use this and have them watch the kids while you rest. I am seriously disillusioned by how selfish and nasty people are here.

This. I can see why people have so many in law issues on this board. This is really no big deal and if DH is fine with it, you really don't have a leg to stand on. Take this as an opportunity for some free babysitting. If you aren't comfortable leaving the baby with them, leave DH in charge and head out for some you time!

Barring an emergency or an unusual situation, it's common courtesy to not change previously agreed upon plans at the last minute. It's rude, inconsiderate, and disrespectful of other people's time. This is true regardless of whoever you are visiting. What if OP made plans for Sat/Sun because she thought MIL/SIL were not staying thru the weekend? Should OP have to change her plans (which can include commitments to other people) because her in-laws decided to stay an extra two days? Btw, MIL didn't ask her son and DIL if she and SIL could extend their stay- she just announced it on group text.

Then you tell them. "I'm glad that you're staying until Sunday. Just so you know, we have plans Saturday night that we have to attend, but you're welcome to stay. I'll make brunch Sunday before you leave." You don't have to change plans, but you just let them know when they change their plans that you have other plans and that they're on their own while that goes on. That means that they are on their own while you're gone. They're adults, they'll live. Everyone will cope and life goes on.

Exactly. Unless you're looking for an excuse to create problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. The level of selfishness here is astounding! They are coming to see you and your kids, her grand kids and nieces and nephews. What is wrong with you? It doesn't sound like you get that much sleep anyway with young kids and a new born so try to use this and have them watch the kids while you rest. I am seriously disillusioned by how selfish and nasty people are here.

This. I can see why people have so many in law issues on this board. This is really no big deal and if DH is fine with it, you really don't have a leg to stand on. Take this as an opportunity for some free babysitting. If you aren't comfortable leaving the baby with them, leave DH in charge and head out for some you time!

Barring an emergency or an unusual situation, it's common courtesy to not change previously agreed upon plans at the last minute. It's rude, inconsiderate, and disrespectful of other people's time. This is true regardless of whoever you are visiting. What if OP made plans for Sat/Sun because she thought MIL/SIL were not staying thru the weekend? Should OP have to change her plans (which can include commitments to other people) because her in-laws decided to stay an extra two days? Btw, MIL didn't ask her son and DIL if she and SIL could extend their stay- she just announced it on group text.

OK, OP, no need to write in third person.So what if you had plans made? They will fit around your plans and just sleep at your house. First you want rest with the newborn, now you have other plans? Tell them about your plans for other two days and done, they can fit in or not. This is your husband's mother and sister and your kids grandmother and aunt you are talking about. Grow up. You are whining and irritating.

PP here. I want to clarify- I'm not OP. I'm just sympathetic to her situation. Being family doesn't make it okay for people to be rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. The level of selfishness here is astounding! They are coming to see you and your kids, her grand kids and nieces and nephews. What is wrong with you? It doesn't sound like you get that much sleep anyway with young kids and a new born so try to use this and have them watch the kids while you rest. I am seriously disillusioned by how selfish and nasty people are here.

It is really, really selfish and nasty...to ignore plans that were agreed on by all parties and simply announce to your hosts that you will be staying at their house for as long as YOU want.

[Anonymous]

Op here- we did have plans on Saturday night for friends to bring dinner and meet the baby. I will have to cancel them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- we did have plans on Saturday night for friends to bring dinner and meet the baby. I will have to cancel them.

No.
You.
Don't.
You don't HAVE to do anything just because MIL and SIL were rude and announced that they were changing plans unilaterally.

If you CHOOSE to cancel those plans, that is your CHOICE. You are CHOOSING to be a doormat, and you don't get to blame that on DIL and SIL. Especially when you haven't even given them THE CHANCE to graciously say, "Of course, go enjoy that dinner with your friends; we'll make dinner here and watch Netflix."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- we did have plans on Saturday night for friends to bring dinner and meet the baby. I will have to cancel them.

No.
You.
Don't.
You don't HAVE to do anything just because MIL and SIL were rude and announced that they were changing plans unilaterally.

If you CHOOSE to cancel those plans, that is your CHOICE. You are CHOOSING to be a doormat, and you don't get to blame that on DIL and SIL. Especially when you haven't even given them THE CHANCE to graciously say, "Of course, go enjoy that dinner with your friends; we'll make dinner here and watch Netflix."

Just saw that your friends are coming to your house. Still your choice. Either CHOOSE to tell MIL and SIL they can't stay, or CHOOSE to include them in these set plans, or CHOOSE to ask them to go out to dinner and a movie that night so you can have your night as planned with your friends.

[Anonymous]

Op again- just wondering if the posters that are saying I am selfish etc are from a different generation? To me it seems like it's so obviously rude for someone, even family, to invite themselves for their own determined length of time without consulting us. Also, it seems like such an obvious power differential between myself and my MIL, that she feels she can do whatever she wants with regards to visiting because we're family. My own mother would never visit like that.

So I think I will shut up about it, though, since I do love my DH and want to keep the peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- we did have plans on Saturday night for friends to bring dinner and meet the baby. I will have to cancel them.

No.
You.
Don't.
You don't HAVE to do anything just because MIL and SIL were rude and announced that they were changing plans unilaterally.

If you CHOOSE to cancel those plans, that is your CHOICE. You are CHOOSING to be a doormat, and you don't get to blame that on DIL and SIL. Especially when you haven't even given them THE CHANCE to graciously say, "Of course, go enjoy that dinner with your friends; we'll make dinner here and watch Netflix."

Just saw that your friends are coming to your house. Still your choice. Either CHOOSE to tell MIL and SIL they can't stay, or CHOOSE to include them in these set plans, or CHOOSE to ask them to go out to dinner and a movie that night so you can have your night as planned with your friends.

I can read and yes she does need to cancel. I would be oussed if I just made a huge Thanksgiving dinner and then turned around two days later and made another huge meal to drop off to someone who is completely capable of making dinner and realized she has an able mil and sil there. She's not going out to dinner she is having a friend bring them dinner. And no you better not ask them to make dinner for the inlaws as well. Just suck it up and enjoy your family and reschedule. I really don't see the problem but then again maybe you are a bit sleep deprived at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Wow. WOW to so many of you. Let me make dinner plans with you--let's meet up on Saturday night at Clyde's at 7 p.m.

Only then let me inform you without checking that it is OK and tell you that it will be on Sunday at Old Ebbitt at 8. What's that, you made other plans on Sunday? Too bad, I'm family, cancel your other plans.

Thanks so much for inviting me to your home next weekend, and for cooking and cleaning and all the other work that goes into hosting. Guess what? I'll also be staying three more nights. Thanks for buying more groceries and making more meals and generally putting more effort into me. You have to do this without complaining because I'm family! Whatever I say goes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again- just wondering if the posters that are saying I am selfish etc are from a different generation? To me it seems like it's so obviously rude for someone, even family, to invite themselves for their own determined length of time without consulting us. Also, it seems like such an obvious power differential between myself and my MIL, that she feels she can do whatever she wants with regards to visiting because we're family. My own mother would never visit like that.

So I think I will shut up about it, though, since I do love my DH and want to keep the peace.

Don't, please don't shut up.

Your ILs *are* being rude, terribly rude, and it's time someone stood up to them, or it will just be situations like this over and over and over. Take a stand, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- we did have plans on Saturday night for friends to bring dinner and meet the baby. I will have to cancel them.

No.
You.
Don't.
You don't HAVE to do anything just because MIL and SIL were rude and announced that they were changing plans unilaterally.

If you CHOOSE to cancel those plans, that is your CHOICE. You are CHOOSING to be a doormat, and you don't get to blame that on DIL and SIL. Especially when you haven't even given them THE CHANCE to graciously say, "Of course, go enjoy that dinner with your friends; we'll make dinner here and watch Netflix."

Just saw that your friends are coming to your house. Still your choice. Either CHOOSE to tell MIL and SIL they can't stay, or CHOOSE to include them in these set plans, or CHOOSE to ask them to go out to dinner and a movie that night so you can have your night as planned with your friends.

I can read and yes she does need to cancel. I would be oussed if I just made a huge Thanksgiving dinner and then turned around two days later and made another huge meal to drop off to someone who is completely capable of making dinner and realized she has an able mil and sil there. She's not going out to dinner she is having a friend bring them dinner. And no you better not ask them to make dinner for the inlaws as well. Just suck it up and enjoy your family and reschedule. I really don't see the problem but then again maybe you are a bit sleep deprived at the moment.

But the OP doesn't enjoy them and just wants some peace and quiet in her own house!

I wouldn't be "enjoying" anyone who told me they were staying at my house without being invited!