MIL and SIL stay for Thanksgiving- say anything?

[Anonymous]

I asked my MIL and SIL several weeks ago about MIL and (unmarried, 40 year old) SIL plans for Thanksgiving as we have a newborn and are staying home this year. I was told that SIL would come to stay with us Wednesday through Thursday or Friday and MIL would come Thursday and possibly stay through Friday but might go home the same day (she lives three hours away, SIL is a 7 hour drive away).

I received a group text this morning from MIL saying simply that her and SIL would be staying through Sunday. My DH is the passive baby of the family and doesn't care when, if, and how long his family stays. I'm not thrilled about this for many reasons- we have young children that don't sleep well, its a long time to have them around, they tend to use these visits as MIL and SIL time while ignoring us, they talk rudely about politics, and they tell me how to parent.

Debating whether I should stand up to them for not talking to me about it ahead of time or just let it go? DH will not support me, so is it worth the fight? Or should I suck it up?

[Anonymous]

Suck it up, and assign tasks

[Anonymous]

Suck it up. They're family and it's two extra days. I have young kids too and I love family visits, even when certain family members have their flaws, because it's fun for the kids and extra hands to help. See if you can propose that MIL/SIL take the kids for a special outing or something so you can have a little break to boot.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't you have this fight several weeks ago? Why did you even ask them their plans if you'd already established you guys weren't traveling? Just let it go.

Why didn't you tell them "Oh, gosh, I wasn't inviting you, my bad! We're planning a small Thanskgiving this year since the baby is here, no overnight guests"?

As it stands, text back, "I believe we had agreed upon Friday--that's what works for us. We need the weekend to ourselves. Can't wait to see you!"

Remind your DH that if he won't stand up to his family, you will, and it won't be pretty. Even if he doesn't care who comes when, he should care about *your* feelings.

[Anonymous]

Let it go and make plans to get yourself out of the house a couple of times. See friends, go holiday shopping, go to a movie or a museum. Tell your DH that he needs to go out to dinner with them (and any older children you have) at least once while you stay home with baby. Ignore their conversation if it bothers you, use the baby as an excuse to go nap, and let your DH do most of the hosting. Talk to him in advance about this so he knows he needs to step up.

[Anonymous]

You've got the golden newborn excuse to hide out and rest or whatever. Let them sort themselves out. Hopefully they'll pitch in. And yes, make it clear with your husband that he's host and he's going to be in charge of wrangling kids and relatives.

[Anonymous]

You have 3 full days with them and complaining? You're kidding right?

[Anonymous]

OK, as someone who is not close to family, I find this post very sad. I wished I had family members who were pleasant enough to want to stay an extra couple of days. Your ear is 365 days. I think you can tolerate 1% of that with your in-laws, no? Unless hey are really offensive, I would let it go and just enjoy the time with them.

I swear -- you ppl on DCUM all seem to have in-law issues.

[Anonymous]

^^ year = ear

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you have this fight several weeks ago? Why did you even ask them their plans if you'd already established you guys weren't traveling? Just let it go.

Why didn't you tell them "Oh, gosh, I wasn't inviting you, my bad! We're planning a small Thanskgiving this year since the baby is here, no overnight guests"?

As it stands, text back, "I believe we had agreed upon Friday--that's what works for us. We need the weekend to ourselves. Can't wait to see you!"

Remind your DH that if he won't stand up to his family, you will, and it won't be pretty. Even if he doesn't care who comes when, he should care about *your* feelings.

This is terribly rude advice. I understand and appreciate boundaries for serious transgressions, but OP describes behavior well within the range of annoying-but-normal. Everyone is within their rights to behave this way, of course, but it will hurt feelings and set up future issues. This is advice for someone looking to "win" as between wife/new family vs. parents/old family, not someone looking to get along with and accept their DH's family's foibles (just like, I assume, we would expect DH to accept his wife's family).

[Anonymous]

I'd let it go.

[Anonymous]

just reply to the text with "sorry we made plans for saturday and sunday since you originally said you'd be gone by Friday. maybe next time we can do an extended visit"

then...make plans - go out with friends, go holiday shopping, do something

[Anonymous]

Let it go. It's a couple of extra days. Not worth the upset that would happen if you (somehow?) try to send them home early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:just reply to the text with "sorry we made plans for saturday and sunday since you originally said you'd be gone by Friday. maybe next time we can do an extended visit"

then...make plans - go out with friends, go holiday shopping, do something

THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you have this fight several weeks ago? Why did you even ask them their plans if you'd already established you guys weren't traveling? Just let it go.

Why didn't you tell them "Oh, gosh, I wasn't inviting you, my bad! We're planning a small Thanskgiving this year since the baby is here, no overnight guests"?

As it stands, text back, "I believe we had agreed upon Friday--that's what works for us. We need the weekend to ourselves. Can't wait to see you!"

Remind your DH that if he won't stand up to his family, you will, and it won't be pretty. Even if he doesn't care who comes when, he should care about *your* feelings.

We need the weekend to ourselves? Jesus Christ.