MIL and SIL stay for Thanksgiving- say anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- we did have plans on Saturday night for friends to bring dinner and meet the baby. I will have to cancel them.

No.
You.
Don't.
You don't HAVE to do anything just because MIL and SIL were rude and announced that they were changing plans unilaterally.

If you CHOOSE to cancel those plans, that is your CHOICE. You are CHOOSING to be a doormat, and you don't get to blame that on DIL and SIL. Especially when you haven't even given them THE CHANCE to graciously say, "Of course, go enjoy that dinner with your friends; we'll make dinner here and watch Netflix."

Just saw that your friends are coming to your house. Still your choice. Either CHOOSE to tell MIL and SIL they can't stay, or CHOOSE to include them in these set plans, or CHOOSE to ask them to go out to dinner and a movie that night so you can have your night as planned with your friends.

I can read and yes she does need to cancel. I would be oussed if I just made a huge Thanksgiving dinner and then turned around two days later and made another huge meal to drop off to someone who is completely capable of making dinner and realized she has an able mil and sil there. She's not going out to dinner she is having a friend bring them dinner. And no you better not ask them to make dinner for the inlaws as well. Just suck it up and enjoy your family and reschedule. I really don't see the problem but then again maybe you are a bit sleep deprived at the moment.

Are you sleep deprived? Why would her friends make dinner for her in-laws? Presumably, her friends are fine with bringing dinner if they have already agreed to do so.

[Anonymous]

I get your annoyance. It is rude to announce your plans to stay at someone else's house without consulting them first, even if it's family. On the other hand, how often do they visit and stay with you? If it's once a year or less, then perhaps put it in perspective, i.e., Thanksgiving weekend+new baby, and cut them some slack. I would not, however, change my preexisting plans with local friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you have this fight several weeks ago? Why did you even ask them their plans if you'd already established you guys weren't traveling? Just let it go.

Why didn't you tell them "Oh, gosh, I wasn't inviting you, my bad! We're planning a small Thanskgiving this year since the baby is here, no overnight guests"?

As it stands, text back, "I believe we had agreed upon Friday--that's what works for us. We need the weekend to ourselves. Can't wait to see you!"

Remind your DH that if he won't stand up to his family, you will, and it won't be pretty. Even if he doesn't care who comes when, he should care about *your* feelings.

What horrid advice.

[Anonymous]

Just let your friend come as planned. Bringing dinner is optional.

[Anonymous]

OP is a total user and abuser, that much is clear. She has friends bringing dinner, so she is open to company as long as it suits her, what are two more people to this mix? It is all about her, god forbid her SIL spoke two words to her friends, who are coming over. What possible reason is it to cancel friends coming over? Even if they are bringing dinner(which I don't quite get) isn't it extra work hosting friends? Perfect opportunity for MIl to step in and help out, but no, OP must be prima donna through and though. She wants to be center of attention, and creates drama whenever it suits her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is a total user and abuser, that much is clear. She has friends bringing dinner, so she is open to company as long as it suits her, what are two more people to this mix? It is all about her, god forbid her SIL spoke two words to her friends, who are coming over. What possible reason is it to cancel friends coming over? Even if they are bringing dinner(which I don't quite get) isn't it extra work hosting friends? Perfect opportunity for MIl to step in and help out, but no, OP must be prima donna through and though. She wants to be center of attention, and creates drama whenever it suits her.

LOL! Whoa! Op here- I have a newborn! Friends have been bringing dinner to meet the baby for months now! We do the same when our friends have babies! And our friends' mils and Sils are never present to hang out, eat, and chat when we do so!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- we did have plans on Saturday night for friends to bring dinner and meet the baby. I will have to cancel them.

Op, why cancel? You can't socialize with your friends and with your MIL and SIL? I don't really see what the issue is. You're just trying to make life difficult and create obstacles and problems where there are none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- we did have plans on Saturday night for friends to bring dinner and meet the baby. I will have to cancel them.

Op, why cancel? You can't socialize with your friends and with your MIL and SIL? I don't really see what the issue is. You're just trying to make life difficult and create obstacles and problems where there are none.

NP but I would think it's weird if I went to my friend's house to bring food and had to feed extra people. I probably wouldn't have made enough. And yes, I enjoy my friend's company by themselves not with an older generation present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- we did have plans on Saturday night for friends to bring dinner and meet the baby. I will have to cancel them.

Op, why cancel? You can't socialize with your friends and with your MIL and SIL? I don't really see what the issue is. You're just trying to make life difficult and create obstacles and problems where there are none.

NP but I would think it's weird if I went to my friend's house to bring food and had to feed extra people. I probably wouldn't have made enough. And yes, I enjoy my friend's company by themselves not with an older generation present.

I guess I am just much more easy going than you and OP. MIL and SIL extending their stay by 2 more days would not inconvenience me in the least, unless I had plans to go out of town, which op doesn't have. Friends coming and bringing dinner? I assume these are good friends cause op mentioned that they have been doing this for months (!!!!), so call them and tell them this time format changes, and order pizza or something or get MIL to cook and have them over. You're not teenagers all I assume that having a parent over would make conversations uncomfortable. You don't speak with older people or have friends who are older or younger than you? If not, take it as a chance to practice some skills.

[Anonymous]

I think you can let them know you don't appreciate the plan change without starting WWIII. "We're so glad you're coming for the holiday! It's great that you can stay all weekend, though we wish we had known a little sooner so we could keep our schedule free and plan meals and activities."

Re the friends, tell them what happened and see what they want to do. Personally, I wouldn't think anything of socializing with my friend's family on Thanksgiving weekend. We often invite friends over while my family is in town for holidays (though everyone knows what to expect and they're not bringing meals). Or, if you trust the ILs with the kids, invite friends to come meet the baby quickly and then go out for dinner or drinks while ILs babysit.

So much of this is family culture. I could totally see my family doing this and it wouldn't feel rude to me because they are my family. But this is how they operate and I know that. DH would probably flip out. His family would never extend a visit with or without asking. Sometimes I actually find their rigidity re visits kinda rude too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a total user and abuser, that much is clear. She has friends bringing dinner, so she is open to company as long as it suits her, what are two more people to this mix? It is all about her, god forbid her SIL spoke two words to her friends, who are coming over. What possible reason is it to cancel friends coming over? Even if they are bringing dinner(which I don't quite get) isn't it extra work hosting friends? Perfect opportunity for MIl to step in and help out, but no, OP must be prima donna through and though. She wants to be center of attention, and creates drama whenever it suits her.

LOL! Whoa! Op here- I have a newborn! Friends have been bringing dinner to meet the baby for months now! We do the same when our friends have babies! And our friends' mils and Sils are never present to hang out, eat, and chat when we do so!

So, talk with your MIL and SIL. Tell them that they are welcome to extend their stay, but that you have friends coming to see the baby and offered to make us dinner that night. Since you don't want to impose, they'll need to provide their own dinner that night, but otherwise are welcome to stay. They can opt to go out for dinner, eat before the friends arrive, or make/order dinner to eat with the guests.

In my case, most of my good friends have already met my parents and would be happy to socialize with them again. My mother would probably offer to cook for everyone that night and suggest that the friends provide a freezer meal for us or a later meal for us for after parents have gone home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a total user and abuser, that much is clear. She has friends bringing dinner, so she is open to company as long as it suits her, what are two more people to this mix? It is all about her, god forbid her SIL spoke two words to her friends, who are coming over. What possible reason is it to cancel friends coming over? Even if they are bringing dinner(which I don't quite get) isn't it extra work hosting friends? Perfect opportunity for MIl to step in and help out, but no, OP must be prima donna through and though. She wants to be center of attention, and creates drama whenever it suits her.

LOL! Whoa! Op here- I have a newborn! Friends have been bringing dinner to meet the baby for months now! We do the same when our friends have babies! And our friends' mils and Sils are never present to hang out, eat, and chat when we do so!

So, talk with your MIL and SIL. Tell them that they are welcome to extend their stay, but that you have friends coming to see the baby and offered to make us dinner that night. Since you don't want to impose, they'll need to provide their own dinner that night, but otherwise are welcome to stay. They can opt to go out for dinner, eat before the friends arrive, or make/order dinner to eat with the guests.

In my case, most of my good friends have already met my parents and would be happy to socialize with them again. My mother would probably offer to cook for everyone that night and suggest that the friends provide a freezer meal for us or a later meal for us for after parents have gone home.

It's not her parents--it's her DHs. Completely different dynamic at play here with MIL and SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just reply to the text with "sorry we made plans for saturday and sunday since you originally said you'd be gone by Friday. maybe next time we can do an extended visit"

then...make plans - go out with friends, go holiday shopping, do something

THIS

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a total user and abuser, that much is clear. She has friends bringing dinner, so she is open to company as long as it suits her, what are two more people to this mix? It is all about her, god forbid her SIL spoke two words to her friends, who are coming over. What possible reason is it to cancel friends coming over? Even if they are bringing dinner(which I don't quite get) isn't it extra work hosting friends? Perfect opportunity for MIl to step in and help out, but no, OP must be prima donna through and though. She wants to be center of attention, and creates drama whenever it suits her.

LOL! Whoa! Op here- I have a newborn! Friends have been bringing dinner to meet the baby for months now! We do the same when our friends have babies! And our friends' mils and Sils are never present to hang out, eat, and chat when we do so!

So what? You can't have your MIL and SIL be present once? Your friend's MIL and SIL are never present? What are you in highschool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a total user and abuser, that much is clear. She has friends bringing dinner, so she is open to company as long as it suits her, what are two more people to this mix? It is all about her, god forbid her SIL spoke two words to her friends, who are coming over. What possible reason is it to cancel friends coming over? Even if they are bringing dinner(which I don't quite get) isn't it extra work hosting friends? Perfect opportunity for MIl to step in and help out, but no, OP must be prima donna through and though. She wants to be center of attention, and creates drama whenever it suits her.

LOL! Whoa! Op here- I have a newborn! Friends have been bringing dinner to meet the baby for months now! We do the same when our friends have babies! And our friends' mils and Sils are never present to hang out, eat, and chat when we do so!

So what? You can't have your MIL and SIL be present once? Your friend's MIL and SIL are never present? What are you in highschool?

Sure you're s great MIL, sweetie.