MILs and their different race DILs

[Anonymous]

White wash is an expression about covering up some misdeed. It's origins come from using cheap white paint. It's not a racist statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White wash is an expression about covering up some misdeed. It's origins come from using cheap white paint. It's not a racist statement.

Yes that's true when it is used to describe circumstances which are being covered-up or camouflaged, as with paint. But describing the action of a white MIL trying to shape a DIL of another culture or race or ethnicity into someone who is more like MIl as "whitewashing"--that is offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL and FIL insist on taking my kid to church on Christmas. We are raising the kids agnostic. The kids are both under three so it's not like they sit still. It's annoying and my DH has no spine. This year, we're not going for Christmas. Problem solved.

Do you buy a Christmas Tree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL and FIL insist on taking my kid to church on Christmas. We are raising the kids agnostic. The kids are both under three so it's not like they sit still. It's annoying and my DH has no spine. This year, we're not going for Christmas. Problem solved.

Agnostic is a race???

Your inlaws just want to fill a pew with the people they love on Christmas and proudly share their adorable grandkids with their church friends. It is harmless.

You are being silly and petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL and FIL insist on taking my kid to church on Christmas. We are raising the kids agnostic. The kids are both under three so it's not like they sit still. It's annoying and my DH has no spine. This year, we're not going for Christmas. Problem solved.

Agnostic is a race???

Your inlaws just want to fill a pew with the people they love on Christmas and proudly share their adorable grandkids with their church friends. It is harmless.

You are being silly and petty.

I agree. I would suspect pp above is a younger person. As with so many younger people everything is a battle, perceived slight, and there is no perspective on what is really important. Kids being so young, all that grandparents might want is to show them for a few minutes to their friends, yet DIL is making an issue. It's not like they will become hermits at 3 years old. Or maybe pp is lazy and doesn't want to dress up the kids on Christmas. I find that every single thing is a fight with younger people today and there is no issue that is not a big issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White wash is an expression about covering up some misdeed. It's origins come from using cheap white paint. It's not a racist statement.

Yes that's true when it is used to describe circumstances which are being covered-up or camouflaged, as with paint. But describing the action of a white MIL trying to shape a DIL of another culture or race or ethnicity into someone who is more like MIl as "whitewashing"--that is offensive.

Non-white person here. I don't understand what is offensive about the term when it's describing something that is completely offensive- trying to erase or dismiss a non-white culture or heritage. Can you explain more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White wash is an expression about covering up some misdeed. It's origins come from using cheap white paint. It's not a racist statement.

Yes that's true when it is used to describe circumstances which are being covered-up or camouflaged, as with paint. But describing the action of a white MIL trying to shape a DIL of another culture or race or ethnicity into someone who is more like MIl as "whitewashing"--that is offensive.

Non-white person here. I don't understand what is offensive about the term when it's describing something that is completely offensive- trying to erase or dismiss a non-white culture or heritage. Can you explain more?

NP. What I found somewhat offensive is what OP is saying "will they white wash me" before anything happens, showing prejudice herself ahead of time. She is posting ahead of time to find out how racist and accepting have other MILs been. This shows, to me, prejudice and intolerance on her part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL and FIL insist on taking my kid to church on Christmas. We are raising the kids agnostic. The kids are both under three so it's not like they sit still. It's annoying and my DH has no spine. This year, we're not going for Christmas. Problem solved.

Do you also go to people's houses for Passover Seders and refuse to participate? Or skip funerals if the service is in a church? That's petty that your kids can't go to Christmas mass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White wash is an expression about covering up some misdeed. It's origins come from using cheap white paint. It's not a racist statement.

Yes that's true when it is used to describe circumstances which are being covered-up or camouflaged, as with paint. But describing the action of a white MIL trying to shape a DIL of another culture or race or ethnicity into someone who is more like MIl as "whitewashing"--that is offensive.

Non-white person here. I don't understand what is offensive about the term when it's describing something that is completely offensive- trying to erase or dismiss a non-white culture or heritage. Can you explain more?

NP. What I found somewhat offensive is what OP is saying "will they white wash me" before anything happens, showing prejudice herself ahead of time. She is posting ahead of time to find out how racist and accepting have other MILs been. This shows, to me, prejudice and intolerance on her part.

I think she was expressing a concern, probably based on things she's seen or heard before. Wondering if that's a possibility is not whitewashing.

Black american DIL here who married a Muslim African. When he told his mom we were engaged (after years of being together) she asked him couldn't he at least marry a Muslim (she was willing to let go of the African thing, LOL). I wish my husband hadn't told me she said that, but he did and it caused problems the next couple of times I saw her because I was angry. However, she's never been anything but polite to me and loving to our children. I imagine she's a bit disappointed, but she's too high class to ever express it to me. We are ok. Not tremendously close, but fine. We both love the same people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White wash is an expression about covering up some misdeed. It's origins come from using cheap white paint. It's not a racist statement.

Yes that's true when it is used to describe circumstances which are being covered-up or camouflaged, as with paint. But describing the action of a white MIL trying to shape a DIL of another culture or race or ethnicity into someone who is more like MIl as "whitewashing"--that is offensive.

Non-white person here. I don't understand what is offensive about the term when it's describing something that is completely offensive- trying to erase or dismiss a non-white culture or heritage. Can you explain more?

NP. What I found somewhat offensive is what OP is saying "will they white wash me" before anything happens, showing prejudice herself ahead of time. She is posting ahead of time to find out how racist and accepting have other MILs been. This shows, to me, prejudice and intolerance on her part.

PP here. I see. So it's not the term itself that's offensive, but OP's attitude or beliefs?

[Anonymous]

Let's stop answering. OP hasn't bothered to reply to anything and to give a single comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did your son marry a woman from a different race/culture?

How did you react? Do you respect her traditions, culture and heritage? Or are you trying to white-wash her?

I am a middle eastern woman engaged to a catholic guy and my prospective MIL is so uncomfortable at the idea. I am curious how other MILs act.

Say what now? How 'bout you trying to brown-wash your MIL? How is that working out for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a southern Christian AA woman from the South. My MIL is a European agnostic white woman who lives in the NE. I actually like both my ILs; they're great.

You mean Netherlands? Generally very easy going people, I find.

New England is my bet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL and FIL insist on taking my kid to church on Christmas. We are raising the kids agnostic. The kids are both under three so it's not like they sit still. It's annoying and my DH has no spine. This year, we're not going for Christmas. Problem solved.

Why can't they share their holidays with your children? Obviously visiting once a year will not have much impact religiously, but it may help foster a relationship with their grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL and FIL insist on taking my kid to church on Christmas. We are raising the kids agnostic. The kids are both under three so it's not like they sit still. It's annoying and my DH has no spine. This year, we're not going for Christmas. Problem solved.

Agnostic is a race???

Your inlaws just want to fill a pew with the people they love on Christmas and proudly share their adorable grandkids with their church friends. It is harmless.

You are being silly and petty.

I would think if one was raising children to be agnostic, they would welcome opportunities for their children to investigate the various options.