guy friend texting every day - what to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We're both single right now. He's a really decent guy, I don't want to be harsh or hurt his feelings, but ugh, too much! He's treating me like a girlfriend and am absolutely not his girlfriend. I can't decide if he's just lonely and bored or if he's in to me. If its the latter, I'm getting super uncomfortable and annoyed that he's going to ruin a good friendship.

And he's not at all my type as far as dating goes. I'm not physically attracted to him and while he can be crazy fun, he's also a raging introvert. And has zero interest in having kids. None of these things are things I'm interested in for a potential partner.

Thinking the ignoring is the best route here and hopes he gets the hint. Not the most mature, and definitely passive, but I don't see the direct route as going over well, especially before this trip.

This is what we call a Beta orbiter. He's looking for a way in to your pants by being overly nice thinking that will work. As soon as you disregard his advances get angry and sit there and wonder why Girls don't like nice guys

+1000

Girls don't have to like betas they are not physically attracted to. One of his beta buddies probably gave him bad advice.

[Anonymous]

Give the dude's cell phone number to the chick who's 32 and starting to freak out.

[Anonymous]

At some point, something will have to give. Friendships between rejected betas and the woman they crave don't work. You both sound pathetically inexperienced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Give the dude's cell phone number to the chick who's 32 and starting to freak out.

At 32 with no takers?

[Anonymous]

He's a big boy stop coddling him.
Tell him to knock it off or you'll block his number and if he doesn't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We're both single right now. He's a really decent guy, I don't want to be harsh or hurt his feelings, but ugh, too much! He's treating me like a girlfriend and am absolutely not his girlfriend. I can't decide if he's just lonely and bored or if he's in to me. If its the latter, I'm getting super uncomfortable and annoyed that he's going to ruin a good friendship.

And he's not at all my type as far as dating goes. I'm not physically attracted to him and while he can be crazy fun, he's also a raging introvert. And has zero interest in having kids. None of these things are things I'm interested in for a potential partner.

Thinking the ignoring is the best route here and hopes he gets the hint. Not the most mature, and definitely passive, but I don't see the direct route as going over well, especially before this trip.

This is what we call a Beta orbiter. He's looking for a way in to your pants by being overly nice thinking that will work. As soon as you disregard his advances get angry and sit there and wonder why Girls don't like nice guys

+1000

Girls don't have to like betas they are not physically attracted to. One of his beta buddies probably gave him bad advice.

I agree, she should inform him his courting strategy won't work. Women don't want needy men, much less have sex with them.

[Anonymous]

I don't like to hurt people's feelings, so I'd leave hints (don't always answer, and when I did, one word replies) as opposed to telling the poor guy to go F himself as some have suggested.

I've also thrown in some comments about going on a date with someone or not being interested in a relationship. Things to keep him in the friend zone.

She's gonna have to work with this guy. No need to make it awkward around the office being a rude bitch about it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like most of the posters are women.

As a guy, here is my perspective. You are only obligated to respond and give the level of friendship that you want. However, many guys in similar situations will be open to and try to encourage the friendship to keep progressing forward. I understand that you are interested in maintaining the status quo (same situation as a lot of guys) but he isn't. Do not just ignore all texts completely and especially not the ones that express concern for you. That sends the message that you are not interested in a developing relationship AND you are not interested in maintaining friendship at the current level and will likely create that awkward work situation you are trying to avoid.

So here is my suggestion on what to do. Reply as often as you want to maintain the current friendship. If you get a "Are you okay?" text, reply "I'm fine. Just busy." That's all. If he presses you respond "I'm find. I'll respond when I have time." and leave it at that. If you respond when you have the time, but not others, it sends the message that you are interested in being friends, just not closer friends. You always respond when he escalates, because friends, even platonic ones, can get concerned for each other. But you only respond enough to answer his concern and no more. He isn't entitled to more than "I"m fine." This sets the level and boundaries that you want but doesn't send the wrong suggestion that you want less friendship than you currently have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like most of the posters are women.

As a guy, here is my perspective. You are only obligated to respond and give the level of friendship that you want. However, many guys in similar situations will be open to and try to encourage the friendship to keep progressing forward. I understand that you are interested in maintaining the status quo (same situation as a lot of guys) but he isn't. Do not just ignore all texts completely and especially not the ones that express concern for you. That sends the message that you are not interested in a developing relationship AND you are not interested in maintaining friendship at the current level and will likely create that awkward work situation you are trying to avoid.

So here is my suggestion on what to do. Reply as often as you want to maintain the current friendship. If you get a "Are you okay?" text, reply "I'm fine. Just busy." That's all. If he presses you respond "I'm find. I'll respond when I have time." and leave it at that. If you respond when you have the time, but not others, it sends the message that you are interested in being friends, just not closer friends. You always respond when he escalates, because friends, even platonic ones, can get concerned for each other. But you only respond enough to answer his concern and no more. He isn't entitled to more than "I"m fine." This sets the level and boundaries that you want but doesn't send the wrong suggestion that you want less friendship than you currently have.

NP- I think this is the best answer so far. But the one problem I have is the fact that he keeps inquiring if she is okay. With my friends we'll wait for at least a week of no responses before asking if something is wrong. And if we see FB activity, we might not say anything and just assume they are busy. I think that aspect needs to be addressed in person "hey Larlo, I just wanted to let you know that if I don't respond, it's because I'm busy. No need to check up on me. I'll get back to you when I can."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like most of the posters are women.

As a guy, here is my perspective. You are only obligated to respond and give the level of friendship that you want. However, many guys in similar situations will be open to and try to encourage the friendship to keep progressing forward. I understand that you are interested in maintaining the status quo (same situation as a lot of guys) but he isn't. Do not just ignore all texts completely and especially not the ones that express concern for you. That sends the message that you are not interested in a developing relationship AND you are not interested in maintaining friendship at the current level and will likely create that awkward work situation you are trying to avoid.

So here is my suggestion on what to do. Reply as often as you want to maintain the current friendship. If you get a "Are you okay?" text, reply "I'm fine. Just busy." That's all. If he presses you respond "I'm find. I'll respond when I have time." and leave it at that. If you respond when you have the time, but not others, it sends the message that you are interested in being friends, just not closer friends. You always respond when he escalates, because friends, even platonic ones, can get concerned for each other. But you only respond enough to answer his concern and no more. He isn't entitled to more than "I"m fine." This sets the level and boundaries that you want but doesn't send the wrong suggestion that you want less friendship than you currently have.

NP- I think this is the best answer so far. But the one problem I have is the fact that he keeps inquiring if she is okay. With my friends we'll wait for at least a week of no responses before asking if something is wrong. And if we see FB activity, we might not say anything and just assume they are busy. I think that aspect needs to be addressed in person "hey Larlo, I just wanted to let you know that if I don't respond, it's because I'm busy. No need to check up on me. I'll get back to you when I can."

The problem is that if on slow days, they text a lot, but on busy days, she goes all quiet, then he probably hasn't processed what's different and he asks if she's okay. He won't know that yesterday, her computer was down and she texted a lot with him while waiting for the IT guy to stop by but today, she's got 3 deadlines and can't just chit chat all day. Or that yesterday a friend canceled on a movie date, but today, she's meeting an out-of-town friend and picking them up from the airport and going to a girls night out. He just knows that yesterday she was answering and today she's not. She doesn't owe him an explanation, just a quick response that she's okay, not to worry. Hopefully after he sees a pattern of these responses several times, the amount of time he goes between radio silence and him asking if she's okay will get longer. If not, then it might be appropriate to have the little talk with him.

[Anonymous]

Man here. what's the big deal

You say you're friends. That's clear to me. My friends know that I'm not big into texting. They also know I'm low maintenance and don't need a lot of face time. If he's a friend, simply tell him that. "Hey dude, I'm a low maintenance friend" or some such thing

You're getting too many responses from women that are making a big deal out of this by over analyzing. If he hasn't tried crossing the friend line overtly, he simply sees you as a friend. Stop projecting.