guy friend texting every day - what to do?

[Anonymous]

I agree with ignoring. The "are you okay" texts are creepy. Personally if it was me I'd probably outright tell him "you don't need to ask me if I'm okay when I don't write you back" but not everyone is that forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I'm having a somewhat silly issue with a guy friend of mine. He's started texting me every day...things like asking how my day was or if he knows I was doing something, asking how it went, etc. If I don't respond for a day or so he starts asking me if I'm ok and if I need to talk about it. We're co-workers, in the same small department of about six people. We've gotten to be good friends over the last year and hang out outside of work frequently, a lot of times with another good friend of ours. I have absolutely zero interest in dating him. At all. Given that, these daily text messages are starting to make me feel uncomfortable and I'm not really sure what to do about it. The mature thing would be to talk to him, but honestly, I don't see that as a good solution. It will hurt his feelings and make him feel bad, and I don't want to do that. I don't want to make for an awkward situation at the office and, on top of that, we're traveling together with our third good friend in a few weeks.

I'm at a loss for what the best thing to do is. My instinct is to start ignoring the texts, as I just can't see a conversation about this turning out well for anyone. But are there other options I'm not thinking of? How do I not ruin a good friendship but get the point across that the daily check-ins are too much? Help random internet strangers!

If you don't have the courage to have a frank conversation then try this. Fake boyfriend...he obviously is interested in you and you just need to make him know that that isn't an option. Once he starts hearing about the new fake boyfriend he will back off.

[Anonymous]

Just tell him you're not a frequent texter. I had to tell a friend the same thing because she'd text conversationally then wonder why I didn't constantly respond.

[Anonymous]

Slightly related to the fake boyfriend idea, (which isn't bad, but would be hard to keep up),... become interested in someone else. Develop a crush on the next guy you see at the gym, for example. This person in real life doesn't need to know. The important part is to start talking about crush-boy to friend-boy. Go on and on about how you want this other guy. Friend-boy will get the hint that you don't want him.

btw, if he truly is interested in you, and you don't want him, the friendship is over anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We're both single right now. He's a really decent guy, I don't want to be harsh or hurt his feelings, but ugh, too much! He's treating me like a girlfriend and am absolutely not his girlfriend. I can't decide if he's just lonely and bored or if he's in to me. If its the latter, I'm getting super uncomfortable and annoyed that he's going to ruin a good friendship.

And he's not at all my type as far as dating goes. I'm not physically attracted to him and while he can be crazy fun, he's also a raging introvert. And has zero interest in having kids. None of these things are things I'm interested in for a potential partner.

Thinking the ignoring is the best route here and hopes he gets the hint. Not the most mature, and definitely passive, but I don't see the direct route as going over well, especially before this trip.

This is what we call a Beta orbiter. He's looking for a way in to your pants by being overly nice thinking that will work. As soon as you disregard his advances get angry and sit there and wonder why Girls don't like nice guys

[Anonymous]

Possibly tell him that your mobile phone plan only allows 82 free text messages per month & that anything over that costs 35 cents.....??!

Or would that be too 2003??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We're both single right now. He's a really decent guy, I don't want to be harsh or hurt his feelings, but ugh, too much! He's treating me like a girlfriend and am absolutely not his girlfriend. I can't decide if he's just lonely and bored or if he's in to me. If its the latter, I'm getting super uncomfortable and annoyed that he's going to ruin a good friendship.

And he's not at all my type as far as dating goes. I'm not physically attracted to him and while he can be crazy fun, he's also a raging introvert. And has zero interest in having kids. None of these things are things I'm interested in for a potential partner.

Thinking the ignoring is the best route here and hopes he gets the hint. Not the most mature, and definitely passive, but I don't see the direct route as going over well, especially before this trip.

This is what we call a Beta orbiter. He's looking for a way in to your pants by being overly nice thinking that will work. As soon as you disregard his advances get angry and sit there and wonder why Girls don't like nice guys

+1000

[Anonymous]

Since he's an introvert don't go silent. He will over analyze your behavior and become obsessed. My gut is he's into you. Tread lightly but don't go passive aggressive. Be direct and clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We're both single right now. He's a really decent guy, I don't want to be harsh or hurt his feelings, but ugh, too much! He's treating me like a girlfriend and am absolutely not his girlfriend. I can't decide if he's just lonely and bored or if he's in to me. If its the latter, I'm getting super uncomfortable and annoyed that he's going to ruin a good friendship.

And he's not at all my type as far as dating goes. I'm not physically attracted to him and while he can be crazy fun, he's also a raging introvert. And has zero interest in having kids. None of these things are things I'm interested in for a potential partner.

Thinking the ignoring is the best route here and hopes he gets the hint. Not the most mature, and definitely passive, but I don't see the direct route as going over well, especially before this trip.

The other possibility is to be sure to find some way to make it clear that he's stuck in the friend zone.

[Anonymous]

"Beta orbiter" -- love it

[Anonymous]

Don't address the issue. Please.

This will all fix itself when one of you gets a GF or BF.

Meanwhile, keep sending delayed replies. If it gets to really be bad, when he texts you on a weekend nite like hey whatcha doin, say you are on a first date your friend set you up gotta go wish me luck. That should quash any hopes he might have.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like you may be giving him mixed signals by hanging out with him outside of work. Are we talking drinks after work or making plans on the weekends? Who initiates the plans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find him or yourself a significant other. Did he break up with someone recently? He sounds lonely.

Agree with others, you need to ignore texts. If he asks, you really could just text him honestly that the daily texts are making you uncomfortable.

Yes, this!
Maybe get married while you're at it. That should do it.

[Anonymous]

Can you set him up with someone??

Tell him you don't generally respond to all texts quickly and sometimes it takes you a few hours or even until the next day. You can say "texting's not really my thing" and "daily texts are a lot for me." If he texts "are you ok?" you can ignore or write tersely "I'm fine. See you tomorrow."

If he likes you romantically, you may need to cool down the friendship and shift into a lower gear. Less time chatting, less eye contact, fewer lunches together. If he asks how was your weekend or how was your previous night, mention (imaginary) dates you went on.

[Anonymous]

Next time he asks if you're okay, just tell him that you couldn't respond because you were having mind blowing sex with a guy. Go on to describe a man who doesn't look anything like him.