guy friend texting every day - what to do?
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Anonymous
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So I'm having a somewhat silly issue with a guy friend of mine. He's started texting me every day...things like asking how my day was or if he knows I was doing something, asking how it went, etc. If I don't respond for a day or so he starts asking me if I'm ok and if I need to talk about it. We're co-workers, in the same small department of about six people. We've gotten to be good friends over the last year and hang out outside of work frequently, a lot of times with another good friend of ours. I have absolutely zero interest in dating him. At all. Given that, these daily text messages are starting to make me feel uncomfortable and I'm not really sure what to do about it. The mature thing would be to talk to him, but honestly, I don't see that as a good solution. It will hurt his feelings and make him feel bad, and I don't want to do that. I don't want to make for an awkward situation at the office and, on top of that, we're traveling together with our third good friend in a few weeks.
I'm at a loss for what the best thing to do is. My instinct is to start ignoring the texts, as I just can't see a conversation about this turning out well for anyone. But are there other options I'm not thinking of? How do I not ruin a good friendship but get the point across that the daily check-ins are too much? Help random internet strangers! |
Anonymous
| What's your relationship status? Do you have an SO? |
Anonymous
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GMAFB.
Hey dude, I am not immediately answering your texts. What are you a teenage girl. Stop being so needy and clingy. Besides, I don't have time for 100 texts a day. That should do it. How old is he 16? If his feelings get hurt he is a PITA, you are better off. |
Anonymous
| Does he have a SO? Do your SO know each other? Stop responding. Say you don't have time for texting all the time and you hope he understands. I have no idea why you can't be clear about that. |
Anonymous
| Just tell him if you don't answer his texts right away, it's because you're busy. Then ignore him until you're ready to talk. It's too passive for my tastes, but he shouldn't get his panties in a wad over it. |
Anonymous
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Yes, just ignore ones that don't really require a response and respond slowly to ones that do. No emojis
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Anonymous
The "are you ok?" bit would drive me nuts. He sounds a bit clueless. Sorry, op. Sounds like the sort of awkward situation I'd have gotten myself into in my younger years! Glad there wasn't texting then 
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Anonymous
| Set him up on a date with a friend? Tell him you got in late or stayed out all night with someone else? Anything to give him the idea that you are not available. Is there a reason you don't want to date him? Obviously, he is very interested in you. |
Anonymous
Agree with this or perhaps just directly calling him out for inappropriately escalating if you don't respond right away. He sounds annoying AF. |
Anonymous
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OP here. We're both single right now. He's a really decent guy, I don't want to be harsh or hurt his feelings, but ugh, too much! He's treating me like a girlfriend and am absolutely not his girlfriend. I can't decide if he's just lonely and bored or if he's in to me. If its the latter, I'm getting super uncomfortable and annoyed that he's going to ruin a good friendship.
And he's not at all my type as far as dating goes. I'm not physically attracted to him and while he can be crazy fun, he's also a raging introvert. And has zero interest in having kids. None of these things are things I'm interested in for a potential partner. Thinking the ignoring is the best route here and hopes he gets the hint. Not the most mature, and definitely passive, but I don't see the direct route as going over well, especially before this trip. |
Anonymous
Maybe you should be honest with him. Don't get into the fact that you are not physically attracted to him. Maybe since he's your friend you can talk to him about getting dating advice..... make your list of must haves clear and if he makes a move, just say, "you told me you are not interested in having kids and that's a deal breaker". |
Anonymous
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Texts are easy to ignore. Ignore them. He'll get the message eventually. Just make sure you always ignore the texts. If you answer them sometimes you're just conditioning him to keep trying. Psych 101.
I don't know what being a "raging introvert" entails. |
Anonymous
| Normally I wouldn't advise passivity or not being truthful, but I think you should just phase it out. Like, start taking a while to respond (I think straight up ignoring will cause more questioning or a strain in the friendship, not to mention it's just kind of mean if you genuinely like him as a friend), until that becomes the norm. Then it's less pressure on you. If he mentions it, say you're sometimes busy or trying not to be attached to the phone. |
Anonymous
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Find him or yourself a significant other. Did he break up with someone recently? He sounds lonely.
Agree with others, you need to ignore texts. If he asks, you really could just text him honestly that the daily texts are making you uncomfortable. |
Anonymous
| White lie it:"I'm spending way too much time on my phone so I'm going to keep it in my desk/only answer after work and at night/only look at it every few hours/turn it off at 6pm/ white lie of your choice about why you aren't looking at your phone and responding to texts." |