Child refusing to make lunch -- how far do I take this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I packed my kids' lunches all the way through their senior years in high school. I also pack my DH's lunch. I do it because I enjoy it, but I understand that by high school kids are certainly able to pack their own lunches. I had no idea people were expecting 3rd graders to pack their own lunches. It's actually kinda sad.

Sad is right! The little kid wants his parents to make him lunch. Maybe they can make it together but I feel a feeling OP is not that kind of parent.

OP said she would help but that he won't even come in the kitchen.

OP, I agree with the poster who said make it but with what you want. Let him know if he makes his own, he can choose what goes in (within reason), if you make it then you choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, no answers here. I don't think it's wrong at all for you to wish this to happen but .. my brother had his kids make their own and he got a call from school concerning 1 of the 4 kids.
The kid had (only) packed an apple and a jar of olives.

Lol! If that happened with my kids, I would laugh and thank whoever called for letting me know but ask them to leave my kid be with their rather interesting lunch. Then, the kid and I would have a chat about nutrition and better lunch options that evening. Followed by a week or so of me supervising/assisting with the lunch preparation again.

~ the crazy poster whose kids packed from age 8/studied abroad in the summer before the older two entered high school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best I can get out of my 8-year-old is to put on his own socks and shoes. He still wears his shirt backwards 50% of the time. Certainly, some kids are more independent that others but at his age, he might be too young to correlate this chore with the lunch he's going to eat hours later.

WTH? Does he have special needs? A typical 8 yr old is able to connect the lunch he is making for himself at 8pm the night before with the lunch he will eat the next day.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- Wow, what a range of responses! After sticking to my guns for a couple hours, he said he'd make his lunch. (and no I'm not lazy -- I was making dinner, helping other DS with a shower and putting laundry in within the same hour). I was standing there the whole time supervising and helping with ideas. He's more than capable of it and from everything I've read, the more kids have responsibility, the more it builds up their confidence.

[Anonymous]

When a kid can pack his own lunch really depends on the kid. I have some who could do it easily by 3rd grade and some who needed until mid-4th. Rather than taking a negative reinforcing approach (no lunch if you don't pack it yourself), we incentivized making lunch. If they got everything ready the night before, they could take a cookie/treat. If DH or I packed it, they got no cookie/treat in their lunch. Of course, some of my kids had problems with planning and forecasting so the cookie/treat was a good 'in the moment' idea to help them develop this habit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I packed my kids' lunches all the way through their senior years in high school. I also pack my DH's lunch. I do it because I enjoy it, but I understand that by high school kids are certainly able to pack their own lunches. I had no idea people were expecting 3rd graders to pack their own lunches. It's actually kinda sad.

They are able to pack their own lunches by 3rd grade for goodness' sake. What is sad about children being self sufficient in the areas when they are actually capable of being self sufficient. The OP isn't asking the kid to change the oil in the car.

Exactly. Kids cans and should do more than we are excepting them to do. I'm not judging. I guilty as sin and beginning to feel guilty. My DD negotiated home lunch last year and it wasn't as annoying as I thought it would be. She is starting 2nd grade and I told her she could keep having home lunch is she packed it. As long as she show an effort, helps plan, prepares what she can I'm happy to fill in the gaps. If she doesn't shoot lunch it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- Wow, what a range of responses! After sticking to my guns for a couple hours, he said he'd make his lunch. (and no I'm not lazy -- I was making dinner, helping other DS with a shower and putting laundry in within the same hour). I was standing there the whole time supervising and helping with ideas. He's more than capable of it and from everything I've read, the more kids have responsibility, the more it builds up their confidence. [/quote


Good job mom!

[Anonymous]

My 6 yr old can pretty much do anything he wants as long as it's something he wants. For example, last night after dinner he announced he was still hungry. I told him the kitchen was closed and he should eat more at dinner. He asked if he could make himself a PB &J sandwich. I said sure.

Next thing I know he's got a PB & j, an apple and a cheese stick. He seemed to figure it out pretty well when he was so inclined. I should add that he ate it all and then asked for dessert. He said he'd make it. I watched him get the ice cream scooper out, scoop ice cream into a bowl, get the chocolate syrup out, pour it on, and top it with M&ms. He then put the ice cream and syrup away.

Yep, when he wants to, he can. But if he doesn't want to, somehow his hands don't work the same way.

[Anonymous]

Executive skills! I've been reading about this for my 3rd grader. Need to figure out why this is hard for him? Hatd starting a task? Hard tome figuring out the process? Hard time sticking to a task? Probably related to other activities that he is having difficukty with. I've started reading a book called Smart But Scattered to help me fogure out what my child does well and mostly how to help him over come these difficulties so he gets hus homework done eithout my nagging!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's too young. High schoolers should make their own lunches. Until then, you should take care of it.

My 9 and 12 year olds makes their lunch every single day and are happy to do it. They do laundry too. And sometimes cook dinner. I don't sit on the couch while they do these things...I'm in the kitchen guiding and observing but really they are capable of so much If you empower them.

[Anonymous]

But we'll arrest the mom who leaves that same kid alone for 45 minutes. Something seems off here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But we'll arrest the mom who leaves that same kid alone for 45 minutes. Something seems off here.

Not in MD, unless it's the middle of the night or there are extenuating circumstances such as a special need. Still, the skills and maturity level needed in order to make a lunch with Mom in the next room, or stay home alone safely are a bit different and not really comparable in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Executive skills! I've been reading about this for my 3rd grader. Need to figure out why this is hard for him? Hatd starting a task? Hard tome figuring out the process? Hard time sticking to a task? Probably related to other activities that he is having difficukty with. I've started reading a book called Smart But Scattered to help me fogure out what my child does well and mostly how to help him over come these difficulties so he gets hus homework done eithout my nagging!

Make big tasks smaller

Create a routine/roadmap, perhaps represented in pictures as well as written steps depending on how he processes information best

Use a timer or create some other incentive to remain on-task and get each part accomplished in a reasonable timeframe

Lots of scaffolding and practice with you first assisting then prompting then observing, followed by him doing the task independently without you right over his shoulder

[Anonymous]

My 4 year olds help pack their own lunch, they love it. I'm hoping by next year they'll be doing it all if we stick with the helping routine this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he is young and you need to make him lunch.

My first grader makes her lunch and we review it before putting it in her backpack. I raised my kids to be independent though.