Child refusing to make lunch -- how far do I take this?

[Anonymous]

What past experience does he have packing his own lunches? If he's done it in the past and is refusing now, I think you need to get to the bottom of the new resistance. If he's never had to do it before, I would do it with him for a while to help him get the hang of it. Yes, he's been eating the lunches you pack for years, but actually putting together all of the pieces on your own can be a little overwhelming for a child that age at first. Do it together, and as he gets the hang of it, you can start to back off a little bit at a time and turn more of it over to him until he's doing it completely on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's too young. High schoolers should make their own lunches. Until then, you should take care of it.

Wow, really? Your way certainly isn't wrong if it works for you, but I find 14 quite old for a minimum age when it's appropriate that they should be making their own lunches. My kids were entirely responsible for this at age 8 unless they specifically requested my help. My middle schoolers were responsible for preparing the family dinner one day/week with very minimal assistance as well. Then again, I likely expected an unusually high degree of independence from my kids, sending two of mine on a fairly independent homestay study abroad program over the summer at age 13 turning 14 and expecting them to basically be able to run the household for a week by age 16.

Aren't you just super special.

Not particularly. Just rather surprised. Sorry if it came across otherwise.

Did your children pay for their own "fairly independent homestay study abroad" program? Or did you drop a lot of money to buy your children's independence.

[Anonymous]

I packed my kids' lunches all the way through their senior years in high school. I also pack my DH's lunch. I do it because I enjoy it, but I understand that by high school kids are certainly able to pack their own lunches. I had no idea people were expecting 3rd graders to pack their own lunches. It's actually kinda sad.

[Anonymous]

Op, no answers here. I don't think it's wrong at all for you to wish this to happen but .. my brother had his kids make their own and he got a call from school concerning 1 of the 4 kids.
The kid had (only) packed an apple and a jar of olives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I packed my kids' lunches all the way through their senior years in high school. I also pack my DH's lunch. I do it because I enjoy it, but I understand that by high school kids are certainly able to pack their own lunches. I had no idea people were expecting 3rd graders to pack their own lunches. It's actually kinda sad.

Why sad? I think kids should be a part of helping the household run. This was not expected of me as a child and I was completely lost in college and it felt like it took a long time to figure things out, whereas my friends who helped their family cook dinner and laundry and what not were comfortable and no anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's too young. High schoolers should make their own lunches. Until then, you should take care of it.

Wow, really? Your way certainly isn't wrong if it works for you, but I find 14 quite old for a minimum age when it's appropriate that they should be making their own lunches. My kids were entirely responsible for this at age 8 unless they specifically requested my help. My middle schoolers were responsible for preparing the family dinner one day/week with very minimal assistance as well. Then again, I likely expected an unusually high degree of independence from my kids, sending two of mine on a fairly independent homestay study abroad program over the summer at age 13 turning 14 and expecting them to basically be able to run the household for a week by age 16.

Aren't you just super special.

Not particularly. Just rather surprised. Sorry if it came across otherwise.

Did your children pay for their own "fairly independent homestay study abroad" program? Or did you drop a lot of money to buy your children's independence.

Puh-lease. That's just code for "I don't have time to deal with my kids so I'm sending them away". Study abroad programs make sense in high school. At age 13? Not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I packed my kids' lunches all the way through their senior years in high school. I also pack my DH's lunch. I do it because I enjoy it, but I understand that by high school kids are certainly able to pack their own lunches. I had no idea people were expecting 3rd graders to pack their own lunches. It's actually kinda sad.

Sad is right! The little kid wants his parents to make him lunch. Maybe they can make it together but I feel a feeling OP is not that kind of parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's too young. High schoolers should make their own lunches. Until then, you should take care of it.

Wow, really? Your way certainly isn't wrong if it works for you, but I find 14 quite old for a minimum age when it's appropriate that they should be making their own lunches. My kids were entirely responsible for this at age 8 unless they specifically requested my help. My middle schoolers were responsible for preparing the family dinner one day/week with very minimal assistance as well. Then again, I likely expected an unusually high degree of independence from my kids, sending two of mine on a fairly independent homestay study abroad program over the summer at age 13 turning 14 and expecting them to basically be able to run the household for a week by age 16.

Aren't you just super special.

Not particularly. Just rather surprised. Sorry if it came across otherwise.

You came across as someone who is shocked and surprised that all children don't travel overseas through an expensive program. What does that have to do with packing a lunch?! You're rich and that's why your kids traveled. It's not because you're this super parent who raised unusually independent kids.l

[Anonymous]

The best I can get out of my 8-year-old is to put on his own socks and shoes. He still wears his shirt backwards 50% of the time. Certainly, some kids are more independent that others but at his age, he might be too young to correlate this chore with the lunch he's going to eat hours later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I packed my kids' lunches all the way through their senior years in high school. I also pack my DH's lunch. I do it because I enjoy it, but I understand that by high school kids are certainly able to pack their own lunches. I had no idea people were expecting 3rd graders to pack their own lunches. It's actually kinda sad.

Why sad? I think kids should be a part of helping the household run. This was not expected of me as a child and I was completely lost in college and it felt like it took a long time to figure things out, whereas my friends who helped their family cook dinner and laundry and what not were comfortable and no anxiety.

You were lost in college because your mother packed your lunch? Despite my packing their lunches through their senior years, so far three of my five managed to graduate from college. The one in college seems to have mastered the fine art of sandwich making. I guess the jury is still out on my high schooler.

Just because I chose to pack their lunches in the morning doesn't mean they didn't have household chores. Mornings are busy for kids. It was a very small thing I could do to make their mornings a little easier. I totally understand middle and high schoolers packing their own lunches. But a 3rd grader? You are really going to give a 3rd grader the choice of packing a lunch or going hungry? Thankfully, the school won't let that happen. They will feed them and you'll look like a crappy mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I packed my kids' lunches all the way through their senior years in high school. I also pack my DH's lunch. I do it because I enjoy it, but I understand that by high school kids are certainly able to pack their own lunches. I had no idea people were expecting 3rd graders to pack their own lunches. It's actually kinda sad.

Sad is right! The little kid wants his parents to make him lunch. Maybe they can make it together but I feel a feeling OP is not that kind of parent.

I have a feeling a lot of the mothers on this board aren't exactly the nurturing type.

[Anonymous]

Can you just make his lunch? He seems way too young to be responsible for his own nutrition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's too young. High schoolers should make their own lunches. Until then, you should take care of it.

Wow, really? Your way certainly isn't wrong if it works for you, but I find 14 quite old for a minimum age when it's appropriate that they should be making their own lunches. My kids were entirely responsible for this at age 8 unless they specifically requested my help. My middle schoolers were responsible for preparing the family dinner one day/week with very minimal assistance as well. Then again, I likely expected an unusually high degree of independence from my kids, sending two of mine on a fairly independent homestay study abroad program over the summer at age 13 turning 14 and expecting them to basically be able to run the household for a week by age 16.

Aren't you just super special.

Not particularly. Just rather surprised. Sorry if it came across otherwise.

Did your children pay for their own "fairly independent homestay study abroad" program? Or did you drop a lot of money to buy your children's independence.

My DDs paid somewhere a fairly substantial portion, at least a quarter to maybe slightly less than a third, but I considered the experience to be of enough value in terms of education and life lessons to cover the rest.

My example wasn't given in order to suggest that I thought that was the only right way to do things, but rather to acknowledge that I'm well aware I might be an outlier in terms of how much I expected my kids to do on their own and when. Sorry I struck a nerve with tone & content; II didn't mean to derail the thread.

[Anonymous]

My rising 4th grader started making his lunch 2-3 days a week mid third grade. I think 2nd grade he wasn't quite there, or even the beginning of third.

But midway through, there was a magic shift

So maybe just give it a little more time OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I packed my kids' lunches all the way through their senior years in high school. I also pack my DH's lunch. I do it because I enjoy it, but I understand that by high school kids are certainly able to pack their own lunches. I had no idea people were expecting 3rd graders to pack their own lunches. It's actually kinda sad.

They are able to pack their own lunches by 3rd grade for goodness' sake. What is sad about children being self sufficient in the areas when they are actually capable of being self sufficient. The OP isn't asking the kid to change the oil in the car.