Wife's birthday coming up -- if her ex-affair partner contacts her I am going to lose it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

This is so strange. You're trying to control your STBX's behavior around this other woman? Dafuq? So inappropriate.

Hahahahahahahah.... Control? Grow up. Nobody has the right to be in my life. Telling people how you want to be treated = inappropriate... In your delusional world... I have every right to express how I want to be treated. I have every right to cut him off 100% if I am not treated the way I expect. I have no problem dumping toxic people from my life. He has every right to choose her over us, good luck with that. You think the kids respect you? Want to be around that? No!

Having affair.... Is what? Appropriate?

GMAFB.... Do the crime, do the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

So you're divorcing him, but he's still not allow to talk to her? Was she over the top insane or something?

Aren't they all, yes, she lacked morals and I don't want that type of person in my child's life.

OW are never the women you marry, they are the dorm room whore you screw when you get home from a bar and didn't find a real hook up.

If he wants ago be a part of my life ... Meaning I include him in the kids stuff when they are with me, yes, there are rules around that arrangement.

If you want to be a loser and associate with losers, you can see your kids every other weekend and Wednesday's.

I think you should get some help to work through your anger. You really don't want to model this type of vindictive behavior for your children, do you?

Standing up for yourself is not vindictive behavior. Sorry! If he loved her so much they would be together. If she was worth a penny, he would not have dumped her like a $5 whore.

I do not let my children go to houses where parents serve alcohol and I don't condone pathetic toxic behavior that comes with affairs and I don't want my children around it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

So you're divorcing him, but he's still not allow to talk to her? Was she over the top insane or something?

Aren't they all, yes, she lacked morals and I don't want that type of person in my child's life.

OW are never the women you marry, they are the dorm room whore you screw when you get home from a bar and didn't find a real hook up.

If he wants ago be a part of my life ... Meaning I include him in the kids stuff when they are with me, yes, there are rules around that arrangement.

If you want to be a loser and associate with losers, you can see your kids every other weekend and Wednesday's.

I think you should get some help to work through your anger. You really don't want to model this type of vindictive behavior for your children, do you?

Standing up for yourself is not vindictive behavior. Sorry! If he loved her so much they would be together. If she was worth a penny, he would not have dumped her like a $5 whore.

I do not let my children go to houses where parents serve alcohol and I don't condone pathetic toxic behavior that comes with affairs and I don't want my children around it.

You're using your children as pawns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

This is so strange. You're trying to control your STBX's behavior around this other woman? Dafuq? So inappropriate.

Hahahahahahahah.... Control? Grow up. Nobody has the right to be in my life. Telling people how you want to be treated = inappropriate... In your delusional world... I have every right to express how I want to be treated. I have every right to cut him off 100% if I am not treated the way I expect. I have no problem dumping toxic people from my life. He has every right to choose her over us, good luck with that. You think the kids respect you? Want to be around that? No!

Having affair.... Is what? Appropriate?

GMAFB.... Do the crime, do the time?

Way to make this thread all about yourself. You sound like a real peach. I'm happy and excited for your soon to be ex husband because soon you will be nothing to him, without control over every aspect of his life. It must really suck going through life miserable and nasty, with your only happiness coming from making other people miserable too.

Back to the OP, please don't "lose it." This won't help your relationship and the attempts the two of you are making to restore it. It will only set you back. Like other have said, you can't control what the AP does. It's how she handles any contact that is important. Stay focused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

How do you get to dictate that as a term to a man that you are divorcing?

I imagine because her husband wants the split to be amicable.

NP here. I would absolutely expect that there be no contact with the OW until our divorce was final. Once the divorce is final? She can have him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

So you're divorcing him, but he's still not allow to talk to her? Was she over the top insane or something?

Aren't they all, yes, she lacked morals and I don't want that type of person in my child's life.

OW are never the women you marry, they are the dorm room whore you screw when you get home from a bar and didn't find a real hook up.

If he wants ago be a part of my life ... Meaning I include him in the kids stuff when they are with me, yes, there are rules around that arrangement.

If you want to be a loser and associate with losers, you can see your kids every other weekend and Wednesday's.

I think you should get some help to work through your anger. You really don't want to model this type of vindictive behavior for your children, do you?

Standing up for yourself is not vindictive behavior. Sorry! If he loved her so much they would be together. If she was worth a penny, he would not have dumped her like a $5 whore.

I do not let my children go to houses where parents serve alcohol and I don't condone pathetic toxic behavior that comes with affairs and I don't want my children around it.

You're using your children as pawns.

No I am not, he get Wednesday and every other weekend. If he want to stop by his off weekends to say high, swim in the pool, just hang out. He needs to treat me with repect.

He cheated, he created the divorce, he is the reason their is custody agreements. If he wants amicable he needs to act a certain way to me and around me. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

This is so strange. You're trying to control your STBX's behavior around this other woman? Dafuq? So inappropriate.

Hahahahahahahah.... Control? Grow up. Nobody has the right to be in my life. Telling people how you want to be treated = inappropriate... In your delusional world... I have every right to express how I want to be treated. I have every right to cut him off 100% if I am not treated the way I expect. I have no problem dumping toxic people from my life. He has every right to choose her over us, good luck with that. You think the kids respect you? Want to be around that? No!

Having affair.... Is what? Appropriate?

GMAFB.... Do the crime, do the time?

Way to make this thread all about yourself. You sound like a real peach. I'm happy and excited for your soon to be ex husband because soon you will be nothing to him, without control over every aspect of his life. It must really suck going through life miserable and nasty, with your only happiness coming from making other people miserable too.

Back to the OP, please don't "lose it." This won't help your relationship and the attempts the two of you are making to restore it. It will only set you back. Like other have said, you can't control what the AP does. It's how she handles any contact that is important. Stay focused.

Nice try ... i don't control his life he can do what he please... And what pleases him is being around me and our children. He won't be married to me but if he wants to be part of our life he is welcome but not with crazy people. I actually have suggested a few nice chicks for him to date, but he not there yet, didn't really expect divorce... Thought I would stay. Hope he finds a nice, respectable woman who has morals. She is welcome to the pool too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

This is so strange. You're trying to control your STBX's behavior around this other woman? Dafuq? So inappropriate.

Hahahahahahahah.... Control? Grow up. Nobody has the right to be in my life. Telling people how you want to be treated = inappropriate... In your delusional world... I have every right to express how I want to be treated. I have every right to cut him off 100% if I am not treated the way I expect. I have no problem dumping toxic people from my life. He has every right to choose her over us, good luck with that. You think the kids respect you? Want to be around that? No!

Having affair.... Is what? Appropriate?

GMAFB.... Do the crime, do the time?

Way to make this thread all about yourself. You sound like a real peach. I'm happy and excited for your soon to be ex husband because soon you will be nothing to him, without control over every aspect of his life. It must really suck going through life miserable and nasty, with your only happiness coming from making other people miserable too.

Back to the OP, please don't "lose it." This won't help your relationship and the attempts the two of you are making to restore it. It will only set you back. Like other have said, you can't control what the AP does. It's how she handles any contact that is important. Stay focused.

Nice try ... i don't control his life he can do what he please... And what pleases him is being around me and our children. He won't be married to me but if he wants to be part of our life he is welcome but not with crazy people. I actually have suggested a few nice chicks for him to date, but he not there yet, didn't really expect divorce... Thought I would stay. Hope he finds a nice, respectable woman who has morals. She is welcome to the pool too.

You are way too involved in your ex's life. It's really not healthy.

Again, think of the behavior/relationship you are modeling for your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

This is so strange. You're trying to control your STBX's behavior around this other woman? Dafuq? So inappropriate.

Hahahahahahahah.... Control? Grow up. Nobody has the right to be in my life. Telling people how you want to be treated = inappropriate... In your delusional world... I have every right to express how I want to be treated. I have every right to cut him off 100% if I am not treated the way I expect. I have no problem dumping toxic people from my life. He has every right to choose her over us, good luck with that. You think the kids respect you? Want to be around that? No!

Having affair.... Is what? Appropriate?

GMAFB.... Do the crime, do the time?

Way to make this thread all about yourself. You sound like a real peach. I'm happy and excited for your soon to be ex husband because soon you will be nothing to him, without control over every aspect of his life. It must really suck going through life miserable and nasty, with your only happiness coming from making other people miserable too.

Back to the OP, please don't "lose it." This won't help your relationship and the attempts the two of you are making to restore it. It will only set you back. Like other have said, you can't control what the AP does. It's how she handles any contact that is important. Stay focused.

Nice try ... i don't control his life he can do what he please... And what pleases him is being around me and our children. He won't be married to me but if he wants to be part of our life he is welcome but not with crazy people. I actually have suggested a few nice chicks for him to date, but he not there yet, didn't really expect divorce... Thought I would stay. Hope he finds a nice, respectable woman who has morals. She is welcome to the pool too.

You are way too involved in your ex's life. It's really not healthy.

Again, think of the behavior/relationship you are modeling for your children.

Yes. It is terrible. I am modeling being kind to my cheating husband. The kids must be horribly abused by this behavior. I should model, sorry you can't see your dad on my days. Good plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

This is so strange. You're trying to control your STBX's behavior around this other woman? Dafuq? So inappropriate.

Hahahahahahahah.... Control? Grow up. Nobody has the right to be in my life. Telling people how you want to be treated = inappropriate... In your delusional world... I have every right to express how I want to be treated. I have every right to cut him off 100% if I am not treated the way I expect. I have no problem dumping toxic people from my life. He has every right to choose her over us, good luck with that. You think the kids respect you? Want to be around that? No!

Having affair.... Is what? Appropriate?

GMAFB.... Do the crime, do the time?

Way to make this thread all about yourself. You sound like a real peach. I'm happy and excited for your soon to be ex husband because soon you will be nothing to him, without control over every aspect of his life. It must really suck going through life miserable and nasty, with your only happiness coming from making other people miserable too.

Back to the OP, please don't "lose it." This won't help your relationship and the attempts the two of you are making to restore it. It will only set you back. Like other have said, you can't control what the AP does. It's how she handles any contact that is important. Stay focused.

Nice try ... i don't control his life he can do what he please... And what pleases him is being around me and our children. He won't be married to me but if he wants to be part of our life he is welcome but not with crazy people. I actually have suggested a few nice chicks for him to date, but he not there yet, didn't really expect divorce... Thought I would stay. Hope he finds a nice, respectable woman who has morals. She is welcome to the pool too.

Good for you, PP. I personally think that is a reasonable line to draw.

[Anonymous]

It sounds as if he is still somehow in the picture.

As long as he is, you will suffer a lot of anxiety and anger in the process.

Is it all worth it....???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

This is so strange. You're trying to control your STBX's behavior around this other woman? Dafuq? So inappropriate.

Hahahahahahahah.... Control? Grow up. Nobody has the right to be in my life. Telling people how you want to be treated = inappropriate... In your delusional world... I have every right to express how I want to be treated. I have every right to cut him off 100% if I am not treated the way I expect. I have no problem dumping toxic people from my life. He has every right to choose her over us, good luck with that. You think the kids respect you? Want to be around that? No!

Having affair.... Is what? Appropriate?

GMAFB.... Do the crime, do the time?

Way to make this thread all about yourself. You sound like a real peach. I'm happy and excited for your soon to be ex husband because soon you will be nothing to him, without control over every aspect of his life. It must really suck going through life miserable and nasty, with your only happiness coming from making other people miserable too.

Back to the OP, please don't "lose it." This won't help your relationship and the attempts the two of you are making to restore it. It will only set you back. Like other have said, you can't control what the AP does. It's how she handles any contact that is important. Stay focused.

Nice try ... i don't control his life he can do what he please... And what pleases him is being around me and our children. He won't be married to me but if he wants to be part of our life he is welcome but not with crazy people. I actually have suggested a few nice chicks for him to date, but he not there yet, didn't really expect divorce... Thought I would stay. Hope he finds a nice, respectable woman who has morals. She is welcome to the pool too.

You are way too involved in your ex's life. It's really not healthy.

Again, think of the behavior/relationship you are modeling for your children.

Yes. It is terrible. I am modeling being kind to my cheating husband. The kids must be horribly abused by this behavior. I should model, sorry you can't see your dad on my days. Good plan.

You are being kind by refusing to have an amicable divorce unless you have a say in who your ex socializes with? Jesus fucking Christ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds as if he is still somehow in the picture.

As long as he is, you will suffer a lot of anxiety and anger in the process.

Is it all worth it....???

He will always be in the picture.. literally, we took graduations pictures together... am I going to say, okay here is my picture with you and now dad's picture. Separate parties... NO that is awful for the kids.

I have no anxiety and anger. He made his bed and my bed is a king size bed and very comfortable without somebody snoring next to me.

I think it is worth it. Nobody is perfect, his mistakes are his. I am fine and I always will be. 50% end in divorce and many are widowed before they are 60. Some have H that are disabled. So what, I got a cheater, so I didn't win the marriage lottery. I know many dream of growing old together, etc, etc... but really I don't. I have friends that are divorced and widowed. Sometime you grow old with your H and sometimes you grow old with your friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

This is so strange. You're trying to control your STBX's behavior around this other woman? Dafuq? So inappropriate.

Hahahahahahahah.... Control? Grow up. Nobody has the right to be in my life. Telling people how you want to be treated = inappropriate... In your delusional world... I have every right to express how I want to be treated. I have every right to cut him off 100% if I am not treated the way I expect. I have no problem dumping toxic people from my life. He has every right to choose her over us, good luck with that. You think the kids respect you? Want to be around that? No!

Having affair.... Is what? Appropriate?

GMAFB.... Do the crime, do the time?

Way to make this thread all about yourself. You sound like a real peach. I'm happy and excited for your soon to be ex husband because soon you will be nothing to him, without control over every aspect of his life. It must really suck going through life miserable and nasty, with your only happiness coming from making other people miserable too.

Back to the OP, please don't "lose it." This won't help your relationship and the attempts the two of you are making to restore it. It will only set you back. Like other have said, you can't control what the AP does. It's how she handles any contact that is important. Stay focused.

Nice try ... i don't control his life he can do what he please... And what pleases him is being around me and our children. He won't be married to me but if he wants to be part of our life he is welcome but not with crazy people. I actually have suggested a few nice chicks for him to date, but he not there yet, didn't really expect divorce... Thought I would stay. Hope he finds a nice, respectable woman who has morals. She is welcome to the pool too.

You are way too involved in your ex's life. It's really not healthy.

Again, think of the behavior/relationship you are modeling for your children.

Yes. It is terrible. I am modeling being kind to my cheating husband. The kids must be horribly abused by this behavior. I should model, sorry you can't see your dad on my days. Good plan.

You are being kind by refusing to have an amicable divorce unless you have a say in who your ex socializes with? Jesus fucking Christ.

I know .... so unreasonable... not drug addicts, whores, drug dealers, rapists, murderers, or the OW. How horrible for these children.

I also had it written into the agreement that we will never take the kids on a motorcycle. He signed it. So controlling!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

If you are divorcing why are their rules?

+1. Divorce means it is over. Let it go.