Wife's birthday coming up -- if her ex-affair partner contacts her I am going to lose it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

This is so strange. You're trying to control your STBX's behavior around this other woman? Dafuq? So inappropriate.

Hahahahahahahah.... Control? Grow up. Nobody has the right to be in my life. Telling people how you want to be treated = inappropriate... In your delusional world... I have every right to express how I want to be treated. I have every right to cut him off 100% if I am not treated the way I expect. I have no problem dumping toxic people from my life. He has every right to choose her over us, good luck with that. You think the kids respect you? Want to be around that? No!

Having affair.... Is what? Appropriate?

GMAFB.... Do the crime, do the time?

Way to make this thread all about yourself. You sound like a real peach. I'm happy and excited for your soon to be ex husband because soon you will be nothing to him, without control over every aspect of his life. It must really suck going through life miserable and nasty, with your only happiness coming from making other people miserable too.

Back to the OP, please don't "lose it." This won't help your relationship and the attempts the two of you are making to restore it. It will only set you back. Like other have said, you can't control what the AP does. It's how she handles any contact that is important. Stay focused.

Nice try ... i don't control his life he can do what he please... And what pleases him is being around me and our children. He won't be married to me but if he wants to be part of our life he is welcome but not with crazy people. I actually have suggested a few nice chicks for him to date, but he not there yet, didn't really expect divorce... Thought I would stay. Hope he finds a nice, respectable woman who has morals. She is welcome to the pool too.

You are way too involved in your ex's life. It's really not healthy.

Again, think of the behavior/relationship you are modeling for your children.

Yes. It is terrible. I am modeling being kind to my cheating husband. The kids must be horribly abused by this behavior. I should model, sorry you can't see your dad on my days. Good plan.

You are being kind by refusing to have an amicable divorce unless you have a say in who your ex socializes with? Jesus fucking Christ.

I know .... so unreasonable... not drug addicts, whores, drug dealers, rapists, murderers, or the OW. How horrible for these children.

I also had it written into the agreement that we will never take the kids on a motorcycle. He signed it. So controlling!

Beginning to understand why he had an affair...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

This is so strange. You're trying to control your STBX's behavior around this other woman? Dafuq? So inappropriate.

Hahahahahahahah.... Control? Grow up. Nobody has the right to be in my life. Telling people how you want to be treated = inappropriate... In your delusional world... I have every right to express how I want to be treated. I have every right to cut him off 100% if I am not treated the way I expect. I have no problem dumping toxic people from my life. He has every right to choose her over us, good luck with that. You think the kids respect you? Want to be around that? No!

Having affair.... Is what? Appropriate?

GMAFB.... Do the crime, do the time?

Good for you!!!! You have a right to know who your children are being exposed to. My friend has a court order saying her ex can't have any of his bimbos sleep over when his kids are visiting. He's a real pos. It shouldn't be like that but sometimes necessary. They also can't be alone with the kids or be in charge of them. Sad you couldn't work it out, but that's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

If you are divorcing why are their rules?

+1. Divorce means it is over. Let it go.

No not at all when you have kids. The kids welfare will come first with a court. Apparently she is a good mother!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

This is so strange. You're trying to control your STBX's behavior around this other woman? Dafuq? So inappropriate.

Hahahahahahahah.... Control? Grow up. Nobody has the right to be in my life. Telling people how you want to be treated = inappropriate... In your delusional world... I have every right to express how I want to be treated. I have every right to cut him off 100% if I am not treated the way I expect. I have no problem dumping toxic people from my life. He has every right to choose her over us, good luck with that. You think the kids respect you? Want to be around that? No!

Having affair.... Is what? Appropriate?

GMAFB.... Do the crime, do the time?

Way to make this thread all about yourself. You sound like a real peach. I'm happy and excited for your soon to be ex husband because soon you will be nothing to him, without control over every aspect of his life. It must really suck going through life miserable and nasty, with your only happiness coming from making other people miserable too.

Back to the OP, please don't "lose it." This won't help your relationship and the attempts the two of you are making to restore it. It will only set you back. Like other have said, you can't control what the AP does. It's how she handles any contact that is important. Stay focused.

Nice try ... i don't control his life he can do what he please... And what pleases him is being around me and our children. He won't be married to me but if he wants to be part of our life he is welcome but not with crazy people. I actually have suggested a few nice chicks for him to date, but he not there yet, didn't really expect divorce... Thought I would stay. Hope he finds a nice, respectable woman who has morals. She is welcome to the pool too.

Good for you, PP. I personally think that is a reasonable line to draw.

Same here, but I do think she needs to date and find someone much better.

[Anonymous]

Was it an EA or a full blown affair? Either way I'd feel the same way OP. That trust will take a long time to recover. She should break contact with him immediately if she hasn't. Cold turkey.

If it was physical I wouldn't be able to trust again. All Inwould think about is how she was ding stuff to him that should only be done with me. No way.

Anyways, you're feelings of concern are completely valid as far as I'm concerned. Ask to see her communications and she should show you everything without hesitation

[Anonymous]

The ex wife all up and down this thread is going to be in for a shock when the divorce decree is signed and her husband tells her rules to fuck off. He's going along NOW of course but as soon as those "amicably" drawn up terms are legal and binding he's going to do whatever he wants whether you care or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

If you are divorcing why are their rules?

+1. Divorce means it is over. Let it go.

No not at all when you have kids. The kids welfare will come first with a court. Apparently she is a good mother!

Yeah but what this pp doesn't seem to get is that no matter how much of am ass her STBX is or was what's best for the kids is for it to be amicable. Pp is only willing to do what's best for her kids if her ex plays her game.

The way she describes it be wouldn't be able to attend soccer games on her days. That's bad no matter what he did for the kids whether she wants to admit it or not.

Agree with other pps that divorce means it's over, she's no longer allowed to judge his romantic partners

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ex wife all up and down this thread is going to be in for a shock when the divorce decree is signed and her husband tells her rules to fuck off. He's going along NOW of course but as soon as those "amicably" drawn up terms are legal and binding he's going to do whatever he wants whether you care or not.

Our current agreement is legally binding.

I just give him more visitation than he is allowed. He can legally get more so the court can't order me to let him hang out at our pool on the weekends when I go to run errands.

He is more than welcome to do what he pleases. If he wants no relationship with me, I have no problem with drop off and pick up at the curb... If that is what he wants.

You don't see me parading men in front of his children. Of course I don't do that and he would not be happy if I did.. Children first. I get every other weekend to myself and I don't need to expose my children to men and he does not need to expose his children to women who are crazy.

Oh imagine if I had dudes sleeping over with his daughter walks around like teens do ... He would be out of his mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

If you are divorcing why are their rules?

+1. Divorce means it is over. Let it go.

No not at all when you have kids. The kids welfare will come first with a court. Apparently she is a good mother!

Yeah but what this pp doesn't seem to get is that no matter how much of am ass her STBX is or was what's best for the kids is for it to be amicable. Pp is only willing to do what's best for her kids if her ex plays her game.

The way she describes it be wouldn't be able to attend soccer games on her days. That's bad no matter what he did for the kids whether she wants to admit it or not.

Agree with other pps that divorce means it's over, she's no longer allowed to judge his romantic partners

Not true... Soccer games are in public. So I would not ever stop that. What I allow is dinner with us on his off night at our house, he was invited to his kids parties, he stops by to watch them swim on the weekends, he came over and watch football with us on my Sunday.

I onlY ask he not see the OW. Oh, and ride motorcycles with the kids.

[Anonymous]

If you are living with him as if you are married, why did you divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

So you're divorcing him, but he's still not allow to talk to her? Was she over the top insane or something?

Aren't they all, yes, she lacked morals and I don't want that type of person in my child's life.

OW are never the women you marry, they are the dorm room whore you screw when you get home from a bar and didn't find a real hook up.

If he wants ago be a part of my life ... Meaning I include him in the kids stuff when they are with me, yes, there are rules around that arrangement.

If you want to be a loser and associate with losers, you can see your kids every other weekend and Wednesday's.

I think you should get some help to work through your anger. You really don't want to model this type of vindictive behavior for your children, do you?

Standing up for yourself is not vindictive behavior. Sorry! If he loved her so much they would be together. If she was worth a penny, he would not have dumped her like a $5 whore.

I do not let my children go to houses where parents serve alcohol and I don't condone pathetic toxic behavior that comes with affairs and I don't want my children around it.

You're using your children as pawns.

No I am not, he get Wednesday and every other weekend. If he want to stop by his off weekends to say high, swim in the pool, just hang out. He needs to treat me with repect.

He cheated, he created the divorce, he is the reason their is custody agreements. If he wants amicable he needs to act a certain way to me and around me. Sorry.

[b]

Normally I feel bad for women who get cheated on. But honey you deserved it. I feel bad for your ex, but on the plus side he's almost rid of you. Team ExDH!

[Anonymous]

Your constant use of the word "whore" is really off putting. I hope you don't use it around your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

If you're divorcing, why does he have to follow your crazy rules? You'll stop playing civil if she crosses his path?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a plan.

My H had an affair, and we are divorcing, but we are amicable... but with that comes rules. OW is done... no contact.

We have mutual friends and my H had to go to a work event and she could possibly be there. So we had a plan. If she shows up he leaves, no hi, no glance, just leave. When her friends started to show up, he left.

So you can't control him but your W has to tell you and you have to remain calm or she will stop telling you things.

So you're divorcing him, but he's still not allow to talk to her? Was she over the top insane or something?

Aren't they all, yes, she lacked morals and I don't want that type of person in my child's life.

OW are never the women you marry, they are the dorm room whore you screw when you get home from a bar and didn't find a real hook up.

If he wants ago be a part of my life ... Meaning I include him in the kids stuff when they are with me, yes, there are rules around that arrangement.

If you want to be a loser and associate with losers, you can see your kids every other weekend and Wednesday's.

I think you should get some help to work through your anger. You really don't want to model this type of vindictive behavior for your children, do you?

Standing up for yourself is not vindictive behavior. Sorry! If he loved her so much they would be together. If she was worth a penny, he would not have dumped her like a $5 whore.

I do not let my children go to houses where parents serve alcohol and I don't condone pathetic toxic behavior that comes with affairs and I don't want my children around it.

You're using your children as pawns.

No I am not, he get Wednesday and every other weekend. If he want to stop by his off weekends to say high, swim in the pool, just hang out. He needs to treat me with repect.

He cheated, he created the divorce, he is the reason their is custody agreements. If he wants amicable he needs to act a certain way to me and around me. Sorry.

Yeah, I know why he cheated on you and why he didn't fight to save the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ex wife all up and down this thread is going to be in for a shock when the divorce decree is signed and her husband tells her rules to fuck off. He's going along NOW of course but as soon as those "amicably" drawn up terms are legal and binding he's going to do whatever he wants whether you care or not.

Our current agreement is legally binding.

I just give him more visitation than he is allowed. He can legally get more so the court can't order me to let him hang out at our pool on the weekends when I go to run errands.

He is more than welcome to do what he pleases. If he wants no relationship with me, I have no problem with drop off and pick up at the curb... If that is what he wants.

You don't see me parading men in front of his children. Of course I don't do that and he would not be happy if I did.. Children first. I get every other weekend to myself and I don't need to expose my children to men and he does not need to expose his children to women who are crazy.

Oh imagine if I had dudes sleeping over with his daughter walks around like teens do ... He would be out of his mind.

Speaking of being out of one's mind. . .

I actually don't just mean this to be a jerk. Are you seeing a therapist? You really do seem like you need professional help. I am not saying this to be an asshole.