Do we need to mail wedding gifts to 1st cousins? (Not attending)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Miss Manners says no: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2010/03/11/DI2010031103184.html

But, I would go with a $50 (or so) gift if you are financially able.

To those who disagree, to each his/her own. It is okay that we disagree. OP asked for opinions. Telling people they are the worst/not classy/etc. if they do not follow your thinking exactly and if they dare to deviate from your path is not particularly nice.

Well, sijce no one on this threar has called OP any of those things....

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't dislike them - I barely know them. Some came to our wedding as kids (not my idea - they were on MIL's list) - they didn't give a gift, their parents did. So they would essentially be collecting double gifts - from my inlaws and us, even though they/their parents only gave us 1 gift. That seems like an unfair financial burden to us when they themselves never had to spend a penny. And there are a lot of them - it adds up.

If I leave it up to DH, nothing will get done. Is it really MY personal responsibility?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't dislike them - I barely know them. Some came to our wedding as kids (not my idea - they were on MIL's list) - they didn't give a gift, their parents did. So they would essentially be collecting double gifts - from my inlaws and us, even though they/their parents only gave us 1 gift. That seems like an unfair financial burden to us when they themselves never had to spend a penny. And there are a lot of them - it adds up.

If I leave it up to DH, nothing will get done. Is it really MY personal responsibility?

I don't care if you get them a gift or not, but do you realize how insanely petty you sound? You feel unfairly burdened because children, who have no jobs or income, did not purchase you wedding gifts, and now they might collect double gifts? To even have these thoughts is unhinged. Truly. I hope you do not express this sentiment to anyone in real life. It does not reflect kindly on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't dislike them - I barely know them. Some came to our wedding as kids (not my idea - they were on MIL's list) - they didn't give a gift, their parents did. So they would essentially be collecting double gifts - from my inlaws and us, even though they/their parents only gave us 1 gift. That seems like an unfair financial burden to us when they themselves never had to spend a penny. And there are a lot of them - it adds up.

If I leave it up to DH, nothing will get done. Is it really MY personal responsibility?

I don't care if you get them a gift or not, but do you realize how insanely petty you sound? You feel unfairly burdened because children, who have no jobs or income, did not purchase you wedding gifts, and now they might collect double gifts? To even have these thoughts is unhinged. Truly. I hope you do not express this sentiment to anyone in real life. It does not reflect kindly on you.

I maybe wouldn't have gone with unhinged but I agree with the sentiment. OP, it's not their fault they were still kids when you got married. I'm sure your parents included you in a million gifts they bought over the years too. Being worried about double gifts and basing your decision on an event that happened years and years ago when your cousins were still little kids is incredibly petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't dislike them - I barely know them. Some came to our wedding as kids (not my idea - they were on MIL's list) - they didn't give a gift, their parents did. So they would essentially be collecting double gifts - from my inlaws and us, even though they/their parents only gave us 1 gift. That seems like an unfair financial burden to us when they themselves never had to spend a penny. And there are a lot of them - it adds up.

If I leave it up to DH, nothing will get done. Is it really MY personal responsibility?

Not helping your caus OP.

Just making yourself look petty and selfish

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are obligated to give a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't dislike them - I barely know them. Some came to our wedding as kids (not my idea - they were on MIL's list) - they didn't give a gift, their parents did. So they would essentially be collecting double gifts - from my inlaws and us, even though they/their parents only gave us 1 gift. That seems like an unfair financial burden to us when they themselves never had to spend a penny. And there are a lot of them - it adds up.

If I leave it up to DH, nothing will get done. Is it really MY personal responsibility?

I don't care if you get them a gift or not, but do you realize how insanely petty you sound? You feel unfairly burdened because children, who have no jobs or income, did not purchase you wedding gifts, and now they might collect double gifts? To even have these thoughts is unhinged. Truly. I hope you do not express this sentiment to anyone in real life. It does not reflect kindly on you.

So true.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't bother giving a gift to people I barely know.

[Anonymous]

If you were invited to the wedding, I'd send a gift. If you were not invited, I wouldn't worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't dislike them - I barely know them. Some came to our wedding as kids (not my idea - they were on MIL's list) - they didn't give a gift, their parents did. So they would essentially be collecting double gifts - from my inlaws and us, even though they/their parents only gave us 1 gift. That seems like an unfair financial burden to us when they themselves never had to spend a penny. And there are a lot of them - it adds up.

If I leave it up to DH, nothing will get done. Is it really MY personal responsibility?

I don't care if you get them a gift or not, but do you realize how insanely petty you sound? You feel unfairly burdened because children, who have no jobs or income, did not purchase you wedding gifts, and now they might collect double gifts? To even have these thoughts is unhinged. Truly. I hope you do not express this sentiment to anyone in real life. It does not reflect kindly on you.

I maybe wouldn't have gone with unhinged but I agree with the sentiment. OP, it's not their fault they were still kids when you got married. I'm sure your parents included you in a million gifts they bought over the years too. Being worried about double gifts and basing your decision on an event that happened years and years ago when your cousins were still little kids is incredibly petty.

Double gifts? What does that even mean? Who even thinks like this? You sound awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't dislike them - I barely know them. Some came to our wedding as kids (not my idea - they were on MIL's list) - they didn't give a gift, their parents did. So they would essentially be collecting double gifts - from my inlaws and us, even though they/their parents only gave us 1 gift. That seems like an unfair financial burden to us when they themselves never had to spend a penny. And there are a lot of them - it adds up.

If I leave it up to DH, nothing will get done. Is it really MY personal responsibility?

I don't care if you get them a gift or not, but do you realize how insanely petty you sound? You feel unfairly burdened because children, who have no jobs or income, did not purchase you wedding gifts, and now they might collect double gifts? To even have these thoughts is unhinged. Truly. I hope you do not express this sentiment to anyone in real life. It does not reflect kindly on you.

I maybe wouldn't have gone with unhinged but I agree with the sentiment. OP, it's not their fault they were still kids when you got married. I'm sure your parents included you in a million gifts they bought over the years too. Being worried about double gifts and basing your decision on an event that happened years and years ago when your cousins were still little kids is incredibly petty.

Double gifts? What does that even mean? Who even thinks like this? You sound awful.

True - this is not a "double gift." You haven't given any prior gifts to the cousins. Their parents gave you a gift. Did you reciprocate and give a gift to the parents? If not, then here's your chance and everything is fair and even, which you seem to value immensely.

[Anonymous]

If you are struggling financially, I would just send a card. If it will not affect your budget terribly send a $50-ish gift.

[Anonymous]

I have the same question. Except we are close to the cousin, but aren't invited (only due to the fact that I'll be 9 months pregnant on wedding date) and they didn't give us a wedding gift.

I've been debating what to do. Normally I would just send them something from there registry, but there isn't one and they're 5 years older than us. It just seems weird to send a check when we weren't invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the same question. Except we are close to the cousin, but aren't invited (only due to the fact that I'll be 9 months pregnant on wedding date) and they didn't give us a wedding gift.

I've been debating what to do. Normally I would just send them something from there registry, but there isn't one and they're 5 years older than us. It just seems weird to send a check when we weren't invited.

Send a generic glass bowl (or the equivalent) from Crate and Barrel they can always exchange. They probably feel like an invite would just be a $$ grab since they know you are not coming. But if you are close it is nice to acknowledge.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. I just don't feel like mailing money to a virtual stranger for what I see as basically no reason. Yes, we are invited but all of them will involve plane tickets and some of them are no-kids. If we did our usual gift ($150) that would be $600 in about a 6 month period of time. Sure we can afford it, but I just don't see the point. There is no relationship. So because they added us to some arbitrary invite list I'm out $150? It could be 5 years before I see these people again and even then only likely at someone's funeral.

Again, if DH wants to buy a card, write a check, dig up their address and mail it, I won't say a word. But he won't.